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# Great Essays

Author Message
Senior Manager
Joined: 30 Nov 2010
Posts: 260
Schools: UC Berkley, UCLA
Followers: 2

Kudos [?]: 105 [1] , given: 66

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31 Jan 2011, 15:00
1
KUDOS
Issue Essay:

“In any enterprise, the process of making or doing something is ultimately more important than the final product.”

____________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________

The statement that the process of making or doing something is more important than the final result is a controversial issue. Some argue that, focusing on the process would steer one away from the result. Others argue that it is the process of producing the product that makes the end product valuable. I, however, agree with the latter statement for the following reasons.

Firstly, when a company focuses on what customers need they would only have to provide what is needed but when the customers’ wants are met the business enterprise's standard will be set at a higher level. If we take a Bentley as an example, it is a luxury vehicle that has the leather seats, speed, etc… that a customer wants. Just hearing the name being mentioned makes one turn to take a look. The customer knows the time and effort that has been spent into making that product and knows very well that the price is worth it.

Secondly, the importance of doing most anything in an enterprise is that it earns a great profit. When the business introduces itself to the public of course it will begin with charging low prices for the products it provides. After the introduction, however, depending on the quality of work the company put into producing the product, it will be able to charge higher prices since customers will grow to love the product the company produces.

Admittedly, some may argue that focusing on the process of making a product may take more time and need more money and it will make employees turn away from the final product, however, when time and money is spent on the process the quality of the final product the company will realize more profit than had it not focused on the quality of process.

To conclude, I believe that enterprise will reap the benefits of paying more attention on the results of the work involved for producing the product because doing so will please the consumers prove beneficial to the company itself.
___________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________

Argument Essay:

“In the past few years, Fern Valley University has been experiencing has suffered from a decline in both enrollments and admissions applications. The reasons can be discovered from our students who most often cite poor teaching and inadequate library resources as their chief sources of dissatisfaction with Fern Valley. Therefore, in order to increase the number of students attending our university, and hence to gain our position as the most prestigious university in the greater Fern valley metropolitan area, it is necessary to initiate fund-raising campaign among the alumni that will enable us to expand the range of subjects and to increase the size of our library facilities.”

The author argues that since Fern Valley University's students cite poor teaching and inadequate library resources as sources of dissatisfaction, the enrollments and admissions applications at Fern Valley University has declined and to increase the enrollments and admissions applications the University must have a fund-raising campaign that will help them to widen the range of subjects taught and increase the size of their library facilities. The author uses several assumptions to arrive at these conclusions without providing the evidence that supports them or without considering other possible factors that could result in such consequences. For these reasons I find that the argument is indeed flawed and therefore unconvincing. I will explain my views in the following paragraphs.

Firstly, the author assumes that fund raising will not only eliminate the problem of low enrollments and admissions applications but also assumes that it will help the university become the most prestigious institution in the area, which is a bit of a stretch. The author does not provide any evidence that doing so will bring about such a result. Moreover, the author goes on to assume that expanding the range of subjects taught would resolve the issue. The way to resolve the problem of poor teaching would be to train the teachers to better educate the pupils, otherwise what would widening the range of subjects do if the teachers are not able to teach the students well? Nothing much. Therefore, the author needs to provide the proof necessary that would support his statement.

Secondly, the author assumes that poor teaching and inadequate library resources brought about the low number of students applying and enrolling at the university, which may not necessarily be the case. When the students were asked to provide some problems they may have mentioned a problem that come up right off the top of their head, even though the college is performing very well compared to other colleges. Moreover the university may be a prestigious college that has a lot of requirements that must be met by students. Most students may have felt less confident, discovering what the school requires in order to enroll or they may have felt intimidated by how they would have to keep up with the program. The author must provide the evidence necessary to support the claim that it was a consequence of poor teaching and insufficient library resources that students are applying and enrolling at Fern University year after year.

In sum, the argument could be strengthened by considering several factors that may affect the way the author arrived at those conclusions he or she arrived at and by providing the evidence that solidifies his or her statements.

______________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________
Please read a comment on my essay. Tell me how I can improve it. Thank you very much!

Mari
_________________

Thank you for your kudoses Everyone!!!

"It always seems impossible until its done."
-Nelson Mandela

Director
Status: Impossible is not a fact. It's an opinion. It's a dare. Impossible is nothing.
Affiliations: University of Chicago Booth School of Business
Joined: 03 Feb 2011
Posts: 906
Followers: 14

Kudos [?]: 358 [1] , given: 123

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15 Feb 2011, 12:00
1
KUDOS

“In the past few years, Fern Valley University has been experiencing has suffered from a decline in both enrollments and admissions applications. The reasons can be discovered from our students who most often cite poor teaching and inadequate library resources as their chief sources of dissatisfaction with Fern Valley. Therefore, in order to increase the number of students attending our university, and hence to gain our position as the most prestigious university in the greater Fern valley metropolitan area, it is necessary to initiate fund-raising campaign among the alumni that will enable us to expand the range of subjects and to increase the size of our library facilities.”

#1 - although the argument assumes that poor teaching and inadequate library resources are the problem, it shifts from it goal of fixing any of them to its goal of increasing the fund and broadening the alumni network. First things first !

#2 - The argument assumes that fixing the poor teaching and library resources is the "cure-all" way of doing things. Argument assumes all or nothing !

#3 - The argument assumes that no other factor is responsible for decline in the enrollments - e.g the nation may be going through tough economic conditions or a recession when people do not have dispensable income to spend on the education.

#4 - The argument is vague - does not cite statistics or examples to support the claim inasmuch as it does not identify the proper solution to the problem of declining enrollments.

#5 - To fix the argument - the author must identify and investigate the causes first, leave alone solving the problem.
Senior Manager
Joined: 30 Nov 2010
Posts: 260
Schools: UC Berkley, UCLA
Followers: 2

Kudos [?]: 105 [0], given: 66

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15 Feb 2011, 12:06
Thanks! Great insight... I did it in less than 30 mins prolly like 29:43... and I didn't quite organize the flow of my essay. But what do you think, considering the organization of the essay, what do you think they'd give me?
_________________

Thank you for your kudoses Everyone!!!

"It always seems impossible until its done."
-Nelson Mandela

Director
Status: Impossible is not a fact. It's an opinion. It's a dare. Impossible is nothing.
Affiliations: University of Chicago Booth School of Business
Joined: 03 Feb 2011
Posts: 906
Followers: 14

Kudos [?]: 358 [0], given: 123

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15 Feb 2011, 12:13
Hey mariyea, keep an eye on the length. First essay does not have the length. I see the depth but not the width I mean for beef it with random examples. E.g Org will loose if it just has a tunnel vision on the other hand org will loose even when dissatisfaction is going to smoulder in the employees. And you can even concoct a fresh looking example - e.g GE or Ford or Microsoft - they are not going to check the validity unless you tell them that Microsoft is a "mexican company based out of India" or something. So beef up ! First essay is 4 / 6

The second one is good. 5/6 The length is ok, its got the substance and the ideas. One more thing - never mix the ideas in two para. One para - one idea. Second para - second idea. So on ! Otherwise the examiner will think you have wasted the previous paragraph.

I wish you luck !
mariyea wrote:
Thanks! Great insight... I did it in less than 30 mins prolly like 29:43... and I didn't quite organize the flow of my essay. But what do you think, considering the organization of the essay, what do you think they'd give me?
Senior Manager
Joined: 30 Nov 2010
Posts: 260
Schools: UC Berkley, UCLA
Followers: 2

Kudos [?]: 105 [0], given: 66

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15 Feb 2011, 12:16
gmat1220 wrote:
Hey mariyea, keep an eye on the length. First essay does not have the length. I see the depth but not the width I mean for beef it with random examples. E.g Org will loose if it just has a tunnel vision on the other hand org will loose even when dissatisfaction is going to smoulder in the employees. And you can even concoct a fresh looking example - e.g GE or Ford or Microsoft - they are not going to check the validity unless you tell them that Microsoft is a "mexican company based out of India" or something. So beef up ! First essay is 4 / 6

The second one is good. 5/6 The length is ok, its got the substance and the ideas. One more thing - never mix the ideas in two para. One para - one idea. Second para - second idea. So on ! Otherwise the examiner will think you have wasted the previous paragraph.

I wish you luck !
mariyea wrote:
Thanks! Great insight... I did it in less than 30 mins prolly like 29:43... and I didn't quite organize the flow of my essay. But what do you think, considering the organization of the essay, what do you think they'd give me?

Thank you so much!
_________________

Thank you for your kudoses Everyone!!!

"It always seems impossible until its done."
-Nelson Mandela

Manager
Joined: 17 Feb 2011
Posts: 194
Concentration: Real Estate, Finance
Schools: MIT (Sloan) - Class of 2014
GMAT 1: 760 Q50 V44
Followers: 44

Kudos [?]: 730 [0], given: 70

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18 Feb 2011, 11:23
thanks for these resources!
Re: Great Essays   [#permalink] 18 Feb 2011, 11:23
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