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# Hi, Looking for someone to review my essay please!

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Intern
Joined: 30 Mar 2014
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13 Sep 2017, 12:03
1
Question :

In general, people are not as concerned as they were a decade ago about regulating their intake of red meat and fatty cheeses. Walk into the Heart's Delight, a store that started selling organic fruits and vegetables and whole-grain flours in the 1960's, and you will also find a wide selection of cheeses made with high butterfat content. Next door, the owners of the Good Earth Cafe, an old vegetarian restaurant, are still making a modest living, but the owners of the new House of Beef across the street are millionaires.

My Essay :
The argument claims that people are not as concerned as they were a decade ago about regulating their intake of red meat and fatty cheeses.Stated in this way the argument fails to consider several key factors, on the basis of which it could be evaluated. The argument is based on assumptions for which there is no clear evidence .Hence the argument is weak, unconvincing and has several flaws.

First, the argument assumes that since Heart's Delight maintains a wide selection of cheeses, which are made with high butterfat content, that is the most popular section of the store.This statement is a stretch.For example, the sales of the cheese section of the store might not be as much as the sales of organic fruits, vegetables and whole-grains.The argument also states that the owners of vegetarian restaurant make a modest living as compared with the owners of the new House of Beef who are millionaries. The argument assumes that the owners of the beef house have become millionaries from the sales of their restaurant.However, it is possible that the owners were already rich before starting their new venture.The argument could have been much more clearer if it explicitly stated the sales of the beef and the cheese over a time period and compared it with the sales of the organic products and whole-grains.

Second,the argument claims that the people are not as concerned about regulating their intake of red meat and fatty cheeses.This claim is weak as the author fails to show any correlation between the sales of red meat and fatty cheeses and the increase in consumption of the same by people. To illustrate, the author could have compared the changes in the diet of the people over the past decade.However, the author only tries to support his claim by stating that the financial status of the owners of the vegetarian restaurant was as much as that of the owners of the House of Beef.However, this is not a conclusive evidence as it does not tell us much about the sales of the two restaurants.The Heart's Delight store may have a wide variety of cheeses but that does not tell us if the people prefer to buy cheese over a range of organic fruits and vegetables. For example, a complete diet should include all components of food including carbohydrates and fat.Hence the store might be presenting a wide variety of cheese to help their customers to choose for themselves what suits them the best. If the author included the numbers that represented a pattern of people preferring to eat red meat and fatty cheeses, the argument would have been more convincing.

Third,What are the current sales of red meat and fatty cheeses? What were the sales of red meat and fatty cheeses a decade ago? What are the sales of the House of Beef and the vegetarian restaurant over the past few weeks? Without answer to these questions, one is left with the impression that the argument is more of a wishful thinking rather than substantive evidence.

Finally,the argument has several flaws because of the above mentioned reasons and hence is unconvincing.The argument could be considerably strengthened if the author had compared the sales of the red meat and the fatty cheeses and compared the trend over the past decade.Hence, in the absence of these facts the argument is unsubstantiated and open to debate.
Hi, Looking for someone to review my essay please! &nbs [#permalink] 13 Sep 2017, 12:03
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