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Hi! Please (gently or savagely) grade my second AWA attempt

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Hi! Please (gently or savagely) grade my second AWA attempt  [#permalink]

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New post 05 Aug 2019, 09:40
The following appeared in a memorandum from the ElectroWares company’s marketing department:

“Since our company started manufacturing and marketing a deluxe light bulb six months ago, sales of our economy light bulb—and company profits—have decreased significantly. Although the deluxe light bulb sells for 50 percent more than the economy bulb, it lasts twice as long. Therefore, to increase repeat sales and maximize profits, we should discontinue the deluxe light bulb.”

Discuss how well reasoned . . . etc.

The argument that simply discontinuing ElctroWave’s deluxe lightbulb will reverse a decline in sales of the economy lightbulb and help to maximise profits is flawed. The argument fails to address other possible causes of the drop in sales, it sets out a loose goal to ‘maximise’ profits without defining what this means, and the product under discussion has only been recently launched.

First, the argument assumes that the decline in sales of the economy light bulb is linked to sales of the deluxe light bulb. The passage states that the deluxe product lasts for ‘twice as long’ as the economy product but this does not necessarily mean that sales of one impacts sales of the other. ElectroWares may have a broad customer base exhibiting changing consumer preferences. It is possible that consumers are generally moving away from economy products and towards higher end products with perceived environmental benefits such as longevity. Second, the suggested strategy change is driven by a desire to ‘increase repeat sales and maximise profits’ without supplying specific information about targeted sales volumes or profit levels. We are told that the deluxe product sells for 50 per cent more than the economy product but we are not told how this higher sales price affects profitability. In fact, profit margin information for both products is absent. Without further information it is not possible to say for certain whether changing sales strategy will have the desired effect of driving up profits. Third, the deluxe product has only been marketed for 6 months. This seems like a relatively short time to market a new product, especially since the product was manufactured by ElectroWares and the company no doubt incurred costs in developing the product. Perhaps more time is required in order to validate the product’s viability and to give the company any opportunity to recoup its development costs.

In summary, the argument makes an over simplistic connection between a drop in sales and the presence of a new product. More information about consumer trends, margins and new product development costs would be helpful to substantiate the argument.
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Re: Hi! Please (gently or savagely) grade my second AWA attempt  [#permalink]

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New post 11 Aug 2019, 09:32
1
gmat23579 wrote:
The following appeared in a memorandum from the ElectroWares company’s marketing department:

“Since our company started manufacturing and marketing a deluxe light bulb six months ago, sales of our economy light bulb—and company profits—have decreased significantly. Although the deluxe light bulb sells for 50 percent more than the economy bulb, it lasts twice as long. Therefore, to increase repeat sales and maximize profits, we should discontinue the deluxe light bulb.”

Discuss how well reasoned . . . etc.

The argument that simply discontinuing ElctroWave’s deluxe lightbulb will reverse a decline in sales of the economy lightbulb and help to maximise profits is flawed. The argument fails to address other possible causes of the drop in sales, it sets out a loose goal to ‘maximise’ profits without defining what this means, and the product under discussion has only been recently launched.

First, the argument assumes that the decline in sales of the economy light bulb is linked to sales of the deluxe light bulb. The passage states that the deluxe product lasts for ‘twice as long’ as the economy product but this does not necessarily mean that sales of one impacts sales of the other. ElectroWares may have a broad customer base exhibiting changing consumer preferences. It is possible that consumers are generally moving away from economy products and towards higher end products with perceived environmental benefits such as longevity. Second, the suggested strategy change is driven by a desire to ‘increase repeat sales and maximise profits’ without supplying specific information about targeted sales volumes or profit levels. We are told that the deluxe product sells for 50 per cent more than the economy product but we are not told how this higher sales price affects profitability. In fact, profit margin information for both products is absent. Without further information it is not possible to say for certain whether changing sales strategy will have the desired effect of driving up profits. Third, the deluxe product has only been marketed for 6 months. This seems like a relatively short time to market a new product, especially since the product was manufactured by ElectroWares and the company no doubt incurred costs in developing the product. Perhaps more time is required in order to validate the product’s viability and to give the company any opportunity to recoup its development costs.

In summary, the argument makes an over simplistic connection between a drop in sales and the presence of a new product. More information about consumer trends, margins and new product development costs would be helpful to substantiate the argument.



Let me teach you how to grade your own AWA essay

First, check for structure
Structure should be
Para 1 Paraphrase
Para 2 Flaw
Para 3 FLaw
Para 4 FLAW
Para 5 Summarise and suggest

Give yourself a 6 if you got that right

Secondly,
Check for transition keywords, proper context and Use of proper starters on each paragraph
Deduct 1 point if all of those are missing
Deduct 0.5 if if one of those is missing

Thirdly,
Check for spelling errors
If any deduct 0.5 points

Next, check for grammar
If the rules of Sentence correction are followed well, the structure is grammatically correct.
If grammar errors persist deduct one point

Lastly, check for clarity of thoughts
If thoughts seem to be unclear to a 10 year old, deduct 0.5

Bonus
Check for no. of words
If >500 good
if not, deduct 0.5

Given that you've not followed structure, I'd suggest you write again, follow the structure by chineseburned
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New post 19 Aug 2019, 23:27
Thank you very much for your post.
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Re: Hi! Please (gently or savagely) grade my second AWA attempt  [#permalink]

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New post 20 Aug 2019, 01:28
1
gmat23579 - In short, you will get a score between 4 and 5 for such an AWA, if not less. To be honest, you still need to practice a few more essays. You drawbacks include grammar and length, areas that the e-reviewer will quickly catch and deduct score. Even though AWAs are nor rated solely on the length of the passage, you should have a passage of decent length, typically 500 words. Also, you need to fix the grammar errors. For instance, I have highlighted a few errors in your first paragraph. More importantly, you need to have a solid structure: each argumentative point either strengths or weaknesses must be separated in each paragraph rather than have a long paragraph.

The argument that simply discontinuing ElctroWave’s (incorrect spelling) deluxe lightbulb will reverse a decline in sales of the economy lightbulb and help to (parallelism error) maximise (incorrect spelling) profits is flawed. The argument fails to address other possible causes of the drop in sales, (incorrect punctuation leading to run-on sentense) it sets out a loose goal to ‘maximise’ (incorrect spelling) profits without defining what this (non-compartive demonstartive pronoun must be modified ) means, and the product under discussion has only been recently launched.
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New post 20 Aug 2019, 10:04
DisciplinedPrep - thank you for your comments. Most helpful. So far my intention has been to maintain British English spelling on the AWA.
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Re: Hi! Please (gently or savagely) grade my second AWA attempt   [#permalink] 20 Aug 2019, 10:04
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Hi! Please (gently or savagely) grade my second AWA attempt

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