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Author Message
Manager
Joined: 03 Jun 2012
Posts: 83
Location: United States
Schools: Tuck '17
GPA: 2.7
WE: Analyst (Investment Banking)
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02 Feb 2014, 05:25
The following appeared as part of an article in the business section of a local newspaper.

"Motorcycle X has been manufactured in the United States for over 70 years. Although one foreign company has copied the motorcycle and is selling it for less, the company has failed to attract motorcycle X customers — some say because its product lacks the exceptionally loud noise made by motorcycle X. But there must be some other explanation. After all, foreign cars tend to be quieter than similar American made cars, but they sell at least as well. Also, television advertisements for motorcycle X highlight its durability and sleek lines, not its
noisiness, and the ads typically have voice-overs or rock music rather than engine-roar on the sound track."

The author is trying to investigate why a cheaper copy of Motorcycle X doesn't attract original Motorcycle X customers. It is believed by some people that the copy fails to attract Motorcycle X fans because it lacks the loudness of Motorcycle X. However, the author thinks that there should be another reason behind this. The author bases this belief on two facts. The first fact is that less louder foreign cars sell as well as American rivals, and the second is that in Motorcycle X television ads the amazing loudness of the vehicle is not highlighted. Although the argument is well-structured, it has some flaws and can be strengthened substantially by including other aspects.

Firstly, I would like to demonstrate how comparing cars to motorcycles might be misleading. Generally speaking, motorcycles are considered to be more dangerous than automobiles. Therefore, it is not a standard way of commuting. Motorcycles are used more for pleasure, mainly by enthusiasts. Motorcycles are not completely surrounded by material, exposing the driver to open air. And as a result, we could argue that noise is a more important factor when purchasing a motorcycle. This argument could be strengthened by including more detailed information about the importance of noise in automobile and motorcycle owners. Furthermore, cars are driven by almost everyone nowadays, not only enthusiasts. One might conclude that noise is not an important factor for potential car buyers. They might even think that loudness is a disadvantage.

The author also says that in Motorcycle X advertisements, durability and sleek lines are highlighted. This argument has flaws, which will be discussed in detail in the following sentences. Sometimes, very well known aspects of products are omitted in advertisements and marketing strategies. Because, these aspects are very well known by the public and enthusiasts. The case with Motorcycle X could be the same. Futhermore, no information about the durability and sleekness of the cheaper copy is given. Without this information, it would be unfair to assess the importance of loudness.

The argument presented in this passage seems well-built and concrete. However, there are several unclear points. We need more detailed information to arrive at a conclusion. It can be strengthened by adding more details, which are discussed in earlier paragraphs.
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