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# My Gmat AWA

Author Message
Intern
Joined: 20 Jul 2013
Posts: 1

Kudos [?]: [0], given: 0

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22 Jul 2013, 12:15
Hi Everyone,

My GMAT is just days away and I don't think I will be doing any essays after this. This is my final essay which i wrote for the second GMAT prep test. Suggestions are welcome.

Question :

The following appeared in a magazine article on trends and lifestyles:
“In general, people are not as concerned as they were a decade ago about regulating their intake of red meat and fatty cheeses. Walk into the Heart’s Delight, a store that started selling organic fruits and vegetables and whole-grain flours in the 1960’s, and you will also find a wide selection of cheeses made with high butterfat content. Next door, the owners of the Good Earth Café, an old vegetarian restaurant, are still making a modest living, but the owners of the new House of Beef across the street are millionaires.”
Discuss how well reasoned . . . etc.

Essay :

The argument states that people are not as concerned as they were a decade ago about regulating their intake of red meat and fatty cheeses. Conclusion is based on the premise that owners of vegetarian restaurant are not as rich as house of beef across the street, and that store which started selling organic fruits and flours has wide selection of cheeses. However the argument makes many assumptions and does not clearly justifies them.

Firstly, it assumes that the level of concernedness among people is based on what neighboring stores are selling. Heart's delight, a store which started selling organic fruits and vegetables and whole grain flours in 1960's , now has wide selection of cheeses made with high butterfat content. Now the products which a particular store sells are not based on what people are concerned with but on the level of sales and profit they are generating. It may happen that a particular product in this case cheeses must have been sold by some other retailer. This retailer may have closed since 1960 and Heart's delight seemingly sensing a business opportunity added cheese section to their store.

Secondly the argument compares the financial condition of the owners of Good Earth Cafe, an old vegetarian restaurant and owners of the new House of Beef. Here financial conditions of firms selling a particular product are directly related to the awareness of the purchase of that product by people. This seems a bit far fetched on the side of argument as it can happen that Good Earth Cafe may not be particularly good restaurant, and hence it explains the modest living of the owners due. Similarly, the owners of new House of Beef may have other businesses apart of mentioned store, which may explains why they are millionaires. For example even if ITC is still a newcomer in food industry, because of their foothold in the Tobacco industry they are one of biggest companies in Indian industries and their wealth can not be singly explained by condition of food industry.

In conclusion, this possible explanations have not been not clearly refuted in the argument and any one of them if true weakens the argument considerably. Financial conditions of owners or addition of a section to store can not explain the less concernedness of people about intake of read meat and fatty cheeses. If author had refuted above explanations or co-related the argument from findings of survey of people living in particular area, the given argument would have been more strong and convincing.

Kudos [?]: [0], given: 0

Princeton Review Representative
Joined: 17 Jun 2013
Posts: 162

Kudos [?]: 432 [0], given: 0

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25 Jul 2013, 15:29
This is a good essay but is missing a key component. The evaluation of what the author could have done better to increase the logical strength of the argument. A single sentence at the end each body paragraph could have accomplished this and would raise your overall score.
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Kudos [?]: 432 [0], given: 0

Intern
Status: Yes. It was I who let the dogs out.
Joined: 03 Dec 2012
Posts: 42

Kudos [?]: 59 [0], given: 27

H: B
GMAT Date: 08-31-2013

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29 Jul 2013, 05:01
roshans wrote:
Hi Everyone,

My GMAT is just days away and I don't think I will be doing any essays after this. This is my final essay which i wrote for the second GMAT prep test. Suggestions are welcome.

Question :

The following appeared in a magazine article on trends and lifestyles:
“In general, people are not as concerned as they were a decade ago about regulating their intake of red meat and fatty cheeses. Walk into the Heart’s Delight, a store that started selling organic fruits and vegetables and whole-grain flours in the 1960’s, and you will also find a wide selection of cheeses made with high butterfat content. Next door, the owners of the Good Earth Café, an old vegetarian restaurant, are still making a modest living, but the owners of the new House of Beef across the street are millionaires.”
Discuss how well reasoned . . . etc.

Essay :

The argument states that people are not as concerned as they were a decade ago about regulating their intake of red meat and fatty cheeses. Conclusion is based on the premise that owners of vegetarian restaurant are not as rich as house of beef across the street, and that store which started selling organic fruits and flours has wide selection of cheeses. However the argument makes many assumptions and does not clearly justifies them.

Firstly, it assumes that the level of concernedness among people is based on what neighboring stores are selling. Heart's delight, a store which started selling organic fruits and vegetables and whole grain flours in 1960's , now has wide selection of cheeses made with high butterfat content. Now the products which a particular store sells are not based on what people are concerned with but on the level of sales and profit they are generating. It may happen that a particular product in this case cheeses must have been sold by some other retailer. This retailer may have closed since 1960 and Heart's delight seemingly sensing a business opportunity added cheese section to their store.

Secondly the argument compares the financial condition of the owners of Good Earth Cafe, an old vegetarian restaurant and owners of the new House of Beef. Here financial conditions of firms selling a particular product are directly related to the awareness of the purchase of that product by people. This seems a bit far fetched on the side of argument as it can happen that Good Earth Cafe may not be particularly good restaurant, and hence it explains the modest living of the owners due. Similarly, the owners of new House of Beef may have other businesses apart of mentioned store, which may explains why they are millionaires. For example even if ITC is still a newcomer in food industry, because of their foothold in the Tobacco industry they are one of biggest companies in Indian industries and their wealth can not be singly explained by condition of food industry.

In conclusion, this possible explanations have not been not clearly refuted in the argument and any one of them if true weakens the argument considerably. Financial conditions of owners or addition of a section to store can not explain the less concernedness of people about intake of read meat and fatty cheeses. If author had refuted above explanations or co-related the argument from findings of survey of people living in particular area, the given argument would have been more strong and convincing.

Read the Official Sample Analysis of an Argument Question on the MBA.com Website at http://www.mba.com/the-gmat/test-structure-and-overview/analytical-writing-assessment-section/sample-analysis-of-an-argument-question.aspx

You can also purchase the GMAT Write 1 and Write 2 at http://www.vantageonlinestore.com/home.php?cat=299. for Essay writing and feedback.

http://www.vantageonlinestore.com/product.php?productid=16440&cat=299&page=1
GMAT Write™ 1
This web-based essay writing practice tool offers you real GMAT writing prompts along with feedback on how well your essays demonstrate your ability to think critically and communicate ideas.
Each practice essay will be scored in real time with the same automated essay-scoring engine used by the official GMAT® exam.
Upon submitting each essay, you will receive feedback on how well your essays—
•Identify and analyze significant flaws in the argument
•Support your critique using relevant supporting reasons and/or examples
•Develop a clearly organized and coherent response
•Demonstrate control of language, including diction, syntax, and conventions of standard written English

With each \$29.99 subscription you purchase, you’ll receive two unique essay prompts and have the chance to write four essays, two for each prompt.
After completing the essays, you will receive immediate results that show you how you would likely score on the writing exams and how you could improve your scores.

http://www.vantageonlinestore.com/product.php?productid=16441&cat=299&page=1
GMAT Write™ 2
This web-based essay writing practice tool offers you real GMAT writing prompts along with feedback on how well your essays demonstrate your ability to think critically and communicate ideas.
Each practice essay will be scored in real time with the same automated essay-scoring engine used by the official GMAT® exam.
Upon submitting each essay, you will receive feedback on how well your essays—
•Identify and analyze significant flaws in the argument
•Support your critique using relevant supporting reasons and/or examples
•Develop a clearly organized and coherent response
•Demonstrate control of language, including diction, syntax, and conventions of standard written English

With each \$29.99 subscription you purchase, you’ll receive two unique essay prompts and have the chance to write four essays, two for each prompt.
After completing the essays, you will receive immediate results that show you how you would likely score on the writing exams and how you could improve your scores.

Current Analytical Writing Assessment Topics
You may download the complete list of current Analytical Writing Assessment (AWA) Analysis of an Argument Topics used during the administration of the GMAT exam at
http://www.mba.com/~/media/Files/mba/NEWTheGMAT/AnalysisofanArgument100606.pdf.

The Elements of Style by William Strunk Jr.
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/The_Elements_of_Style
William Strunk, Jr. (1 July 1869 – 26 September 1946), was a professor of English at Cornell University and author of the The Elements of Style (1918), which, after being revised and enlarged by his former student E. B. White, became a highly influential guide to English usage during the late 20th century.

http://www.amazon.com/Elements-Style-Fourth-William-Strunk/dp/020530902X/ref=sr_1_1/186-8560226-2308145?s=books&ie=UTF8&qid=1375054689&sr=1-1
The Elements of Style, Fourth Edition [Paperback]
William Strunk Jr. (Author), E. B. White (Author), Roger Angell (Foreword)

You can read the book online at http://www.bartleby.com/141/
The University of Amsterdam has the made the earlier edition of the book available in pdf at http://www.cs.vu.nl/~jms/doc/elos.pdf.
_________________

Yogi Bhajan: If you want to learn a thing, read that; if you want to know a thing, write that; if you want to master a thing, teach that.
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Kudos [?]: 59 [0], given: 27

Re: My Gmat AWA   [#permalink] 29 Jul 2013, 05:01
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