GMAT Question of the Day - Daily to your Mailbox; hard ones only

It is currently 18 Nov 2019, 14:05

Close

GMAT Club Daily Prep

Thank you for using the timer - this advanced tool can estimate your performance and suggest more practice questions. We have subscribed you to Daily Prep Questions via email.

Customized
for You

we will pick new questions that match your level based on your Timer History

Track
Your Progress

every week, we’ll send you an estimated GMAT score based on your performance

Practice
Pays

we will pick new questions that match your level based on your Timer History

Not interested in getting valuable practice questions and articles delivered to your email? No problem, unsubscribe here.

Close

Request Expert Reply

Confirm Cancel

Official Guide AWA essay 1

  new topic post reply Question banks Downloads My Bookmarks Reviews Important topics  
Author Message
Intern
Intern
avatar
B
Joined: 22 Sep 2019
Posts: 10
Location: India
Concentration: Finance, General Management
WE: Analyst (Consulting)
Official Guide AWA essay 1  [#permalink]

Show Tags

New post 06 Oct 2019, 07:01
The following appeared as part of an annual report sent to stockholders by Olympic Foods, a processor of frozen foods.

“Over time, the costs of processing go down because as organizations learn how to do things better, they become more efficient. In color film processing, for example, the cost of a 3-by-5-inch print fell from 50 cents for five-day service in 1970 to 20 cents for one-day service in 1984. The same principle applies to the processing of food. And since Olympic Foods will soon celebrate its twenty-fifth birthday, we can expect that our long experience will enable us to minimize costs and thus maximize profits.”

Discuss how well reasoned this argument is....
-----------------

Please find the essay written below and let me know the what can be possibly improved:

The argument that the cost of processing go down with more experience omits some important claims that are substantial for the argument. The argument provides an example of the colour film processing to validate its claim. This alone does not constitute a logical argument in favour of the fact that with experience the processing cost is minimized and it certainly does not provide support of the proof of argument.

Most conspicuously, the argument does not address the cause for the reduction in production cost for the colour film processing. In a weak attempt to support its claim, the argument states that the same principal which is applicable for colour processing would be applicable to the food processing as well. The argument must take several other factors in account as well before coming to the main conclusion. Several factors might be responsible for the reduction in processing cost for the colour film processing. The advancement in technology and the adaption of the latest technology plays a crucial role in determining the production cost. In case the reduction of production cost in the colour film processing is due to advancement in technology, then the argument is not valid. The cost of labour and the availability of the labour force in the processing area is also important factors to be considered. What if the area where the colour film factory is located, the workers were available in bulk. Henceforth, over the years the wages had dropped substantially. Moreover, the products manufactured are different for both the firms. The quality of workers also plays an important role in production cost. Incase, the workers of colour film processing are able to analyse the situation and understand the issues faced in production, they could make the process more efficient than the workers of food processing who are working in exactly the same manner since the beginning without any changes. The efficiency of the workers is an important factor to also be considered while concluding the argument. It is not necessary that if a case was applicable for one industry it will work for the others as well. For example: For a furniture processing firm with similar experience as the food processing firm, the cost of processing increased over the years. This defies the principle that the cost of processing decreases with experience.

Because the argument leaves out several key issues, it is not so sound or persuasive.If it included the items discussed above instead of solely depending on the example of the colour film processing, the argument would have been more thorough and convincing.

----------

Here is the essay written by me. Comments regarding what can be improved further will be appreciated.
Thanks :)
Kudos +1
Intern
Intern
avatar
B
Joined: 22 Sep 2019
Posts: 10
Location: India
Concentration: Finance, General Management
WE: Analyst (Consulting)
Re: Official Guide AWA essay 1  [#permalink]

Show Tags

New post 07 Oct 2019, 15:28
I am writing my actual GMAT test within the next 5 days. It would be really great if someone could grade the essay and guide me how I can improve further.
Thanks :)
Manager
Manager
avatar
P
Joined: 27 Feb 2017
Posts: 120
Location: United States (WA)
GMAT 1: 760 Q50 V42
GRE 1: Q169 V168
Re: Official Guide AWA essay 1  [#permalink]

Show Tags

New post 07 Oct 2019, 16:27
3
To start, I recommend that you divide the body of your analysis into 3 or 4 body paragraphs. A classic 5-paragraph essay helps show the structure of your analysis. I almost always start the 3 body paragraphs with

First of all, ...
Secondly, ...
Last but not least, ...
General GMAT Forum Moderator
User avatar
V
Joined: 15 Jan 2018
Posts: 641
Concentration: General Management, Finance
GMAT 1: 720 Q50 V37
Premium Member Reviews Badge
Re: Official Guide AWA essay 1  [#permalink]

Show Tags

New post 07 Oct 2019, 22:47
1
wasananimesh - To be honest, you need to put in some more effort on the AWA section. First, your essay's structure is not very appealing as though it is one big paragraph. Therefore, I'd advise you to check chineseburned template and create a customized version for yourself. Second, you most certainly need to increase the length of the essay. As written, your essay might not be scored very well on the actual GMAT because of the reasons I stated above. Typically, test takers do not need more than 2-3 days of time to come up with a template and then practice a few essays.

Chineseburned AWA template: https://gmatclub.com/forum/how-to-get-6 ... 64327.html
_________________
In case you find my post helpful, please provide me with kudos. Thank you!

New to GMAT Club or overwhelmed with so many resources? Follow the GMAT Club Study Plan!
Not happy with your GMAT score? Retaking GMAT Strategies!
Intern
Intern
avatar
B
Joined: 22 Sep 2019
Posts: 10
Location: India
Concentration: Finance, General Management
WE: Analyst (Consulting)
Re: Official Guide AWA essay 1  [#permalink]

Show Tags

New post 03 Nov 2019, 11:59
Thanks for the response!!
The points mentioned were really helpful and valuable.
I had written my GMAT exam recently and managed to score 5 on AWA!!
Although I have to rewrite the exam because of my low verbal score :(
Intern
Intern
avatar
B
Joined: 22 Sep 2019
Posts: 10
Location: India
Concentration: Finance, General Management
WE: Analyst (Consulting)
Re: Official Guide AWA essay 1  [#permalink]

Show Tags

New post 09 Nov 2019, 14:40
Hi,
Based on the previous comments, I have updated my essay writing format.
I am writing my GMAT exam in the next 2 days, so it would be really grateful if you could provide me with feedback on how I could improve my essay further.

Read the statement and the instructions that follow it, and then make any notes that will help you plan your response. Begin typing your response at the bottom of the screen. You have 30 minutes in which to complete the essay.


People who wear eyeglasses often need stronger prescriptions over time. For example, a woman in her 40s began wearing glasses on the advice of an optometrist and, in just one year, required stronger lenses. Furthermore, eyeglass and contact lens users report more eye-related problems than do those who wear neither. Given that a typical eyeglass wearer buys expensive new glasses every two to three years, people considering corrective lenses should instead invest in an eye-strengthening program, which could save them thousands of dollars over their lifetimes.


Discuss how well-reasoned you find this argument. In your discussion, be sure to analyze the line of reasoning and the use of evidence in the argument. For example, you may need to consider what questionable assumptions underlie the thinking and what alternative explanations or counterexamples might weaken the conclusion. You can also discuss what sort of evidence would strengthen or refute the argument, what changes in the argument would make it more logically sound, and what, if anything, would help you better evaluate its conclusion.

Essay:
---------------------------------------------------------

The argument mentioned above that the people should invest on eye-strengthening program instead of corrective lenses is seriously flawed. The argument omits some concerns that must be addressed to substantiate the argument. There are a few key assumptions made in the argument. The argument must consider other important factors as well without which the argument would be solely based on assumptions instead of facts.

Firstly, the argument is based on the generalization that the people who wear eyeglasses need stronger prescriptions over time and they invest a lot in corrective lenses. The example mentioned in the argument is about a woman in her 40's. Hence considering this example would make the argument flawed as the people wearing eyeglasses can be of different ages and gender. Age can be a very crucial factor on which the prescriptions could depend. A person who is at a higher age might require stronger lenses quicker than a person who is much younger.

Secondly, the argument states that eyeglass and contact lens users report more eye-related problems, but the argument fails to support the claim with the factual figures. It is quite possible that the people wearing eyeglasses report the eye-related problems more than the people who do not wear eyeglasses. The advantages and the dis-advantages of the eye-strengthening program must also be clearly mentioned. The argument must be able to answer the questions such as "How frequent would the user face an eye-related problem after the eye-strengthening program?" or "What is the lifespan of the eye-strengthening program?".

The argument just mentions a general statement that the eye-strengthening program would save thousands of dollars over lifetimes. But it fails to mention the cost required to maintain the eye after the program. The frequency for follow-ups is also crucial in understanding which case is better. Along with the above-mentioned points, the argument also fails to mention the side-effects caused by the eye-strengthening program and the age group for which this program is suitable.

Since the argument leaves out several key aspects, it is not sound or persuasive. If the argument included the points discussed above instead of solely basing the argument on the fact that it is better to invest in an eye-strengthening program than in corrective- lenses, the argument would have been more thorough and convincing.

---------------------------------------------------------------------
Moreover, It would be really helpful if you could let me know where this essay stands on a scale from 1 to 6.
Thanks :)
General GMAT Forum Moderator
User avatar
V
Joined: 15 Jan 2018
Posts: 641
Concentration: General Management, Finance
GMAT 1: 720 Q50 V37
Premium Member Reviews Badge
Re: Official Guide AWA essay 1  [#permalink]

Show Tags

New post 10 Nov 2019, 07:18
1
wasananimesh - Clearly, you have improved your AWA performance. You may still want to watch a few grammar issues. That said, the structure of the passage is great. Also, I hope you are timing yourself to stick to the 30 min mark and using a notepad to write your response; any other medium may tweak spellings and grammar issues. Anyway, kudos to you on improving! When is your test scheduled?
_________________
In case you find my post helpful, please provide me with kudos. Thank you!

New to GMAT Club or overwhelmed with so many resources? Follow the GMAT Club Study Plan!
Not happy with your GMAT score? Retaking GMAT Strategies!
Senior Manager
Senior Manager
User avatar
V
Joined: 25 Sep 2018
Posts: 450
Location: United States (CA)
Concentration: Finance, Strategy
GMAT 1: 640 Q47 V30
GPA: 3.97
WE: Investment Banking (Investment Banking)
Reviews Badge CAT Tests
Re: Official Guide AWA essay 1  [#permalink]

Show Tags

New post 10 Nov 2019, 07:30
1
Intern
Intern
avatar
B
Joined: 22 Sep 2019
Posts: 10
Location: India
Concentration: Finance, General Management
WE: Analyst (Consulting)
Official Guide AWA essay 1  [#permalink]

Show Tags

New post 10 Nov 2019, 11:33
Thanks for the review!!
I ensured that the essay is completed within 30 mins. Moreover, I will try my best to avoid any possible grammatical error.

My test is scheduled for the coming Wednesday but I am still worried about my verbal scores. On the mocks which I gave recently, my verbal score fluctuated from 27 to 38.

Thanks for the help DisciplinedPrep :)

Abhi077 Thanks for posting the links!!
Going through these blogs would definitely help me in writing the essay.
GMAT Club Bot
Official Guide AWA essay 1   [#permalink] 10 Nov 2019, 11:33
Display posts from previous: Sort by

Official Guide AWA essay 1

  new topic post reply Question banks Downloads My Bookmarks Reviews Important topics  





Powered by phpBB © phpBB Group | Emoji artwork provided by EmojiOne