vikasdwivedi wrote:
The essay is well structured. It should be 5.5/6.0
This claim is unsubstantiated and open to debate.
Seriously, why don't you give some reasons for your grade? I fail to see why this essay should be 5.5/6.0. I would kindly suggest to refrain from giving advice that you are not qualified to give.
Edit: Ok, I do see that you've got 6.0 on the AWA yourself. Then why don't you see that this essay is not that great? It has some ideas, but the analysis lacks in depth; the structure is limited, and there are quite a few mistakes in usage and mechanics.
I am too tired right now to give detailed feedback, but the grade should be about 3.0-4.0.
Consider the following issues:
- No evidence that the managers actually used this access from home.
- Difference between managers and other employees: whose productivity has increased? What does it even mean?
- No evidence that the managers did not work additional hours from home before the computer access; no evidence that anybody will work from home when given computer access.
- Even if there is growth in productivity, productivity is not the same as profits.
- There are security issues with accessing company data from home.
Quote:
The argument could have been much clearer if it explicitly stated that factors other than the new equipment do not affect the employee’s productivity in the years provided.
How can the argument possibly say such a thing? There are always infinitely many factors. Also, there was only one year, and "the years provided" is not good English.
Quote:
Since the employees can work from their home, they may save their tasks in office to do at home.
This seems irrelevant. How would it increase/decrease productivity?
Quote:
However, they may be distracted while working at home, thus resulting in decreasing productivity.
Yes, but they may also be distracted while working at the office, thus resulting in decreased productivity.
Quote:
For example, maybe the company applied new reward policy which is based on employees’ performance. Clearly, this is a motivation for employees to work harder, therefore, raising their productivity.
Better say instead "such a policy would be a motivation for the employees to work harder..."