Hi
smlprkhI think attempt was very good and understood the content very well but can do better ....please find the below highlighted and colored one are few suggestions.
Please keep practicing more and try this link which gives more understanding how can we write AWA
https://gmatclub.com/forum/how-to-get-6 ... ml#p470475The argument mentions that company Z has implemented a gourmet lunch program in order to boost productivity
instead of saying . The argument then u can continue the sentence like boost productivity and lauds the new program by establishing a strong causation link between the higher profits and a higher number of hours worked. This data comes from a survey
no need of that is ... done during the period of
implementation of the new program....implementation of new program. The argument finally mentions that Company Z should make the program permanent as it would continue to provide
these desirable results....may be am expecting something else like what are the desirable results One of the major flaws of this argument is
that it is....no need of that it is .. linking a macro indicator of the company's performance to a very specific time and activity of a day.
There could be several underlying reasons to an increase in the number of hours worked and higher profits..... Can be better than this. The argument does not take into account any parallel programs that the company is running in order to bolster these indicators. It is
highly....i think it must be most not highly likely that the company has installed a new bonus system in place that is motivating
its ....no need of itsemployees to work longer and harder. Another possible reason is
that it is the....no need year-end and the employees have a lot of work on their hands, making them stay longer than
they usually would.....just usually is fine. An increase in company profits could also be attributed to several external factors.
Maybe their products are highly sought after (for example silicon chips in today's world with the advent of Machine Learning) which is pushing their top line much higher than before, resulting in increased profits. Maybe the prices of the raw materials Company Z uses have fallen, thus, causing the cost of production to fall and increase profits. Sometimes if a company is not doing well there is fear of being given the pink slip. This kind of situation also propels employees to work harder and push the company's profits up. Government regulations have a strong effect on the profitability of a company. It is probable that favorable government actions (subsidies, tax cuts) and the lunch program coincided.......can be written more preciselyEven if we assume that it is the Lunch program that is increasing productivity and profits, we can't assume that it would continually provide the same benefits. Humans exemplify the law of diminishing returns regularly. It is highly likely that the employees soon get used to the norm of "Gourmet Lunches" and as a result, they no longer see the need to work harder.....................now need of two assume we can modify those and make a single sentence and i think its not highly likely....it must be most likely .In order to make the argument stronger, the scope of the indicators must be made narrower.....Good opening of the para. For example, it is more plausible that the employee reported higher satisfaction of the job, which in turn motivated him/her to work longer hours. Modifying the contents of the survey would be a key step in analyzing the actual effectiveness of the lunch program.
Instead of linking lunch to more hours worked and profitability it would lend to credibility if it was linked to the employee's happiness and satisfaction at the job.....can be written in a single sentences . At the same, the analysis of this program must be done in a vacuum as much as possible. This will enable the decision-making committee to tune out the noise (factors mentioned before such as bonuses, more demand etc.) that could be skewing the results.