OFFICIAL EXPLANATIONProject SC Butler: Day 194: Sentence Correction (SC1)
• HIGHLIGHTSThis sentence tests parallelism, verb logic, and concision.
Option A is hard to parse.
Meaning is somewhat clear, but other than logically ordered verbs, whatever is being tested is not clear.
In such situations, I usually look for an option that looks straightforward.
I read option B, which has fewer commas. That strategy worked.
THE PROMPTQuote:
The first progress in combating infection was made in 1847 by the Hungarian doctor Ignaz Semmelweis, who, despite ridicule and opposition, introduced compulsory handwashing for everyone entering the maternal wards, and he was rewarded with a plunge in maternal and fetal deaths, however the Royal Society dismissed his advice.
Shortened a little:
The first progress in combating infection was made by Dr. S,
who, despite ridicule and opposition, introduced compulsory handwashing for everyone entering the maternal wards, and he was rewarded with a plunge in maternal and fetal deaths, however the Royal Society dismissed his advice.THE OPTIONSQuote:
A) The first progress in combating infection was made by Dr. S, who, despite ridicule and opposition [from whom], introduced compulsory handwashing for everyone entering the maternal wards, and he was rewarded with a plunge in maternal and fetal deaths, however the Royal Society dismissed his advice.
• the relative clause: the who-clause that describes Dr. S is very choppy
• ridicule and opposition from whom? Does it matter? (Not sure.)
• If Dr. S did two things (or three), then we have a compound predicate (discussed after POE)
-- we should not place a comma between the subject,
who, and the second verb,
was rewarded -- almost always, we do
not repeat the subject at all before the second verb
-- always, we do not repeat the subject WHO by using the pronoun
he -- in fact, IF we were allowed to repeat the subject, we would use
WHO two times, not
who and
he This error may be hard to see but it is fatal.
Wrong:
One of the best essayists of the 20th century was James Balwin, who wrote incandescent prose and he deployed words with both brutal honesty and genuine tenderness.Corrected:
One of the best essayists of the 20th century was James Balwin, who wrote incandescent prose and [who] deployed words with both brutal honesty and genuine tenderness.•
however cannot be used as a conjunction to join two independent clauses.
(The word
however can be used when two sentences are joined by a semicolon. However follows the semicolon. Comma? No.)
-- We could use
comma + but: "... he was rewarded by a decline in deaths, but the Royal Society dismissed his advice."
-- However could be used in a separate sentence: ". .. he was rewarded by a decline in deaths. The Royal Society, however, dismissed his advice."
• Meaning? Very rough.
-- Dr. S was the first person to make progress in combating infection.
-- he required handwashing of everyone entering the maternity ward
-- He was rewarded for his efforts* (
rewarded is okay): maternal and fetal deaths plummeted
-- He faced opposition and ridicule (from whom and when?)
-- Despite the doctor's success, the Royal Society dismissed his advice
• what is being tested? Hard to tell.
-- sentence structure (verbs should be placed logically; we may or may not need commas; we need a less choppy sentence)
Eliminate A
Quote:
B) The first progress in combating infection was made by Dr. S, who reduced maternal and fetal deaths by introducing compulsory handwashing for everyone entering the maternal wards and was ridiculed, opposed, and dismissed by the Royal Society.
• option (B) tells me what else is being tested: parallelism (ridiculed, opposed, and dismissed)
• "and [was]" is wrong.
-- "and" implies no contrast. The absence of contrast is fatally illogical.
-- we should say, "Something great was achieved by Dr. S, who did XYZ
, but he was ridiculed, opposed, and dismissed by the Royal Society."
-- active voice switches to passive voice. ... who reduced . . . and [who] was ridiculed (may not be avoidable)
Eliminate B (If you are not sure, keep B and compare it to the other options)
Quote:
C) The first progress in combating infection was made by Dr. S, who reduced maternal and fetal deaths by introducing compulsory handwashing for everyone entering the maternal wards despite ridicule, opposition, and dismissal by the Royal Society.
• This option cures every problem present in options A and B
• I see no errors
• we are dealing with a very long relative clause (the who-clause). Although it is long, the relative clause is efficient and grammatical.
-- the verbs and verbals describe how Dr. S made progress in combating infection.
Progress was made by Dr. S, who
reduced deaths by
introducing ABC for everyone
-- then the word
despite, a preposition, adds the necessary contrast
• the words
ridicule, opposition, and
dismissal are nouns, not present tense verbs.
--
ridicule is tricky! Google the definition. It can be both a noun and a present tense verb.
-- but look closely: there is no such verb as "to opposition." There is no such verb as "to dismissal."
The verbs for those words are
oppose and
dismiss.
The word
despite is a preposition that must be followed by nouns.
--
Despite is correctly followed by parallel nouns in (C): ridicule, opposition, and dismissal
KEEP. (And without doubt, eliminate A. Option C is grammatical, logical, and concise.)
Quote:
D) The first progress in combating infection was made by Dr. S, who was ridiculed, opposed, and dismissed by the Royal Society, even though he introduced compulsory handwashing for everyone entering the maternal wards and was rewarded with a plunge in maternal and fetal deaths.
• option (C) is much better. (Stop. Move on. Options C and D are not even close; option C is far superior.)
• possibly grammatical but a rhetorical disaster
• illogical
-- In the relative (who) clause, the order of information is illogical and should be reversed.
The intro sentence describes
combating infection.
The next thing we should read about is how Dr. S combated infection, not what the Royal Society did.
• not concise. Option C says exactly the same thing in a more logical way using fewer words.
Now we know, for example, that "was rewarded with a plunge in" can be written as "reduced"
Eliminate D
Quote:
E) The first progress in combating infection was made by Dr. S, who introduced compulsory handwashing for everyone entering the maternal wards and was rewarded with a plunge in maternal and fetal deaths, despite ridicule, opposition, and dismissal by the Royal Society.
• Option C is better.
• Although more logical than (D), option E does not fix option D's lack of concision.
The words
was rewarded with a plunge in [deaths], for example, can be shortened to "reduced deaths."
Eliminate E
The best answer is C • NOTES
Compound predicate-- the predicate of a sentence is the verb and verb phrase
-- when one subject
does two things, we have a compound predicate
Stephanie returned phone calls and doodled on paper. -- almost always, when we deal with a compound predicate, we do not put a comma between the second verb and the subject
-- almost always, we do not repeat the subject or use a pronoun to repeat the subject
Correct:
Stephanie returned phone calls and doodled on paper.Wrong 99% of the time:
Stephanie returned phone calls, and doodled on paper.Usually wrong:
Stephanie returned phone calls, and she doodled on paper.In option A, the subject
who did two things:
(1) introduced mandatory handwashing and
(2) was rewarded with a decline in deaths.
A comma should not separate the second verb,
was rewarded, from the subject,
whoThe subject, who, should not be repeated. (And the subject certainly should not be repeated with the wrong pronoun.)
• using another option-- if moving forward from option A before you understand the meaning makes you nervous,
do not use my suggestion that you look at another option
-- if your nerves can stand doing so, the next time you encounter a convoluted option A in which neither meaning nor issues are clear, try a different option.
Option B clarified meaning and revealed much more about what was being tested.
COMMENTSrohitchayal , you asked
Quote:
Can a relative pronoun be parallel to pronoun?
[/quote]
I think you are asking about option A and whether the use of he is allowed when the subject is who.
I answered above, but once again: no.
Doer01 , it's okay that you changed your mind even though you had the correct answer the first time.
You were the only one to choose C. Good instincts. Trust them.
This question is hard, but I am wondering whether laser focus exacerbated the difficulty.
Whatever was the case, I am very glad to see that brave people posted answers.
Everyone gets kudos for doing so.
**
The word rewarded is not wrong.
Rewarded can mean "to receive a benefit as a result of doing something."
Correct: Her hard work was rewarded by admission to a top business school.
See here and here