M for MBA or M for Marriage

I can tell for sure one thing - don't do too many things at the same time. People recommend to limit big changes to one per half a year or so.

Which means, get married and start school at the same time or relocate to a different city at the same time, etc. After a while, so many changes snowball into a crisis.

MBA is very demanding and you don't want your brand new wife/husband feeling as though you are ignoring them or your MBA is more important than they are. Those are two different things but you don't want to be struggling with this during finals/etc. Bottom line is that you probably won't enjoy either.

When I got married back in 2005/2006, i immediately jumped to start helping a friend of mine with his Katrina relife organization and spent quite a bit of time managing their site/etc. That has become my second job and my wife was not happy with that at all. (she wanted to be my first job or at least the second). We had quite a few arguments about it.... not fun.

Now, years later we have matured, and we can ignore each other for extended periods of time and are quite happy (we have 2 kids, i have a full time job, and yes, I answer posts on GMAT Club).

i second it...

very well put... I had friends who got married and entered school simultaneously, and all of them had the worst experience of their lives. they all mentioned high level of stress and anxiety and not enjoying either their school experience or married lives.

You and your partner need to get used to living on a tight budget now, not when you arrive for your MBA. If you learn how to live with little money now then the transition will be easier. It will be very difficult if you live it up now and then suddenly you can't.

this is an interesting strategy...but i dont know how effective this could be in dealing with other issues that will arise if you embark upon two difficult tasks [marriage and MBA]....

any more thoughts? guys don't be shy

for me most tought time will be night time.

whether to concentrate on the wife(as it is the best time for such a relationship) or on studies(as it is the best time for studies too)

situation will be worst if your wife dosent have a job she is gonna miss you in the day time too ........
so atleast wife should have a job and she should have a mindset that this year is going to be difficult for both of them

It will be difficult for an Indian wife to adjust. I m sure people outside India have been following this since long.

Wise words, definitely hard to hear... I have been with my girlfriend, now fiancée about 8 years. She is in med school and I am apping to MBA. When she is in her hell year 3 to 4, I will be in my MBA 1 and 2, so we graduate at the same time. I don't know I will end up, we are in LA right now, but I am shooting for a higher tier school than UCLA and USC. Marriage currently planned for next year. Truly in life, there is nothing meaningful that isn't gained by pain or sacrifice. I am not being naive in thinking that it will be easy, it will probably be the hardest 5 years of our lives. At least kids are not in the picture!

It might be a good thing that when she is pulling 80+ hr weeks in rotations, I will be up to my eyeballs as well. Likewise, when she is in her post schooling residence, I plan to be working on my post MBA career as well... kind of depressing when you think about it at 5000ft, but we are both headstrong, type A, loyal people, so it probably has a great chance at working out. Heavy stuff.

So here's one: the GF and I currently live together, but are discussing whether or not it's a good idea to continue that when I go to grad school. I pay most the bills, she is the "laundry fairy" so I always have clean clothes waiting for me at home, which makes me feel cared for

Sitch: She's an abd PhD candidate and will be traveling/writing for the next year. I haven't decided on a bschool, but any choice will require moving to a new state. Clearly we will both be poor, poor students. Do I:

A) get an apartment with a b-school classmate and share the crazy schedule and house chores with someone who can relate?

B) get an apartment with the gf and hope that we survive me decreasing my contribution to the bills, decreasing time spent together, and decreasing cleanliness of the house

C) both! get a b-school roommate who doesn't mind a PhD candidate gf who does laundry and leaves the country often

Any thoughts are appreciated. While visiting schools, I always seek out the folks with an SO and they all have said: try your best to manage expectations of each other the first semester/year , but invariably your SO will dislike the fact that you're never around. Hope that they find a job nearby so they have their own network. If they don't, take advantage of the fact that they can usually audit classes at the school.

This article was written by a Ross alum for Ross's B-School newspaper:

https://media.www.themsj.com/media/stora ... 7399.shtml

Married But Available -- Relationship merry-go-round

M.B.A. - Married But Available. I was shocked when I first heard this saying. Do people really go around cheating on their spouses just because they join an MBA program? I know Michigan is known for its "collaborative" environment, but isn't that going a little too far? Can you imagine the statistic on our admissions materials? "Nationally, 50% of all marriages end in divorce. But at Ross, where we strive to be #1 at everything, we are proud to report an internal divorce rate of 65% with another 30% of marriages significantly strained and in therapy." Yikes!

Thankfully, I have not heard too many rumors of our married students actually taking on this mantra. But what I have found is that there is a significant following among the non-married, "I have a boyfriend/girlfriend", long-distance relationship segment. You know who I'm talking about. The people who say, "It's not cheating if I'm in another country/time zone/area code/building." My theory is that "Married But Available" really has little to do with being married, and instead describes a state of mind.

I've found there are many types of Married But Available followers to beware of, such as:


The Complainer

This type has a common complaint, "Oh, my girlfriend is calling again." Also characterized by constant rolling of the eyes when the conversation turns to his significant other, he's definitely not hiding a relationship, but it seems like he's unhappy. Why hasn't he broken up yet? Perhaps we'll be surprised after he returns from another break. Or maybe not, if he just got laid.


Mystery Man

This type is not overly flirtatious, but never mentions any relationship status. About halfway through Fall B, right about the time you're starting to wonder if he likes girls, you find out he's got a girlfriend back home. You're good friends with this person, but have no details on the relationship, including the girlfriend's name. Is he hiding something? Or just keeping the relationship on the DL until a new possibility comes along?

007, License to Flirt

There are many degrees of this type, all very dangerous. This one may or may not mention a relationship, but it just doesn't seem to matter! You simply cannot resist his charms. Just as he draws you in close, he suddenly decides to be loyal, "Oh, I have a girlfriend," (or generally you hear it somewhere else). Hey 007, we're on to you…


With all these types out there, what's a single girl to do? My girlfriends have developed the theory of the "null hypothesis," which was created one night at the bar after a particularly good 007 broke the heart of an MBA1. The "null hypothesis" says that the base assumption for all people in the b-school is they are "in a relationship" until proven otherwise. I barely passed stats but I think there's something about p-values involved here! Do not fall victim to the econ principle of "signaling." Flirting, laughing together, and hugs that last a little longer than they should, do not indicate that the person is footloose and fancy-free (remember the difference between a quality used car and a lemon).

Now that I've explained the completely dysfunctional hazards to finding a potential date at the b-school, let me pose a question. Why is the Married But Available following so popular? Why do people come to b-school still holding onto a relationship they are obviously unhappy with? It's like they are just hanging on until something better comes along. Listen, I know it's hard to break up. After just getting out of a long relationship, I speak from personal experience. But amongst all the feelings of sadness and regret, there was an overwhelming sense of relief that told me it was the right thing to do.

There is life after a relationship, as I'm now discovering for myself. And the possibilities are endless. For example, I just found out that I have a connection at the local precinct - you know I love a man in uniform. So if you want to take a chance on something new, go for it! But don't get divorced because Ross is really trying to keep that statistic down.

Ami Horne is not a sex expert, just a nymphomaniac. She wants to hear from you. Email her your stories at amihorne@gmail.com.

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The Ex-Factor -- Rekindling old flames, hot or not?

Business school isn't exactly what you thought it would be, especially in the dating department. "The odds are good, but the goods are odd." This seems to be the most relevant saying last semester. As you head home for the holidays, you realize it's been a while, a really long time in fact. Is it true that if you don't use it, you lose it???

Without coursework to keep you busy, the mind starts to wander. And suddenly, everyone looks, well, a little different. Did the pharmacist suddenly get hot? Is the guy bagging your groceries too young for you? Hellooo, officer! It's about this time that an old flame enters the scene. A little wink, wink, nudge, nudge and faster than a Pamela Anderson-Kid Rock marriage, you two are back at his place.

Hooking up with an ex. In the aftermath of a relationship, it's bound to happen. It becomes even more common when traveling home for the holidays. After the presents have been opened and the family feast is over, we all need a little entertainment, right?

Sometimes you look forward to the ex hookup. Sometimes you even plan ahead for it. Here's an example of the oh-so-casual phone call. "Hey, Tom. How've you been? That's good. Yeah, I'm going to be in town for the holidays. You too? Good. Oh, and I just discovered I still have your favorite college football t-shirt. I'm sure you'd like it back. Do you want to, um, 'stop by' and pick it up? Monday? Sounds great. See you then."

Stop by? Who are we kidding? So is hooking up with your ex a good idea or bad?

In the spirit of business school frameworks, let's engage in a thorough SWOT analysis of the topic. Note: Although this is not the preferred strategy framework, I thought Porter's Five Forces on this subject might take on a dirty connotation.

• Strengths: It's not as though you're in unfamiliar territory. He knows all your magic buttons and you know his. It's almost like knowing the combination to a lock. 36-22- jackpot!!!

• Weaknesses: One might say that the whole idea is a weakness in itself. You did break up remember? Forget all about the hot nights, the mind-numbing pleasure, and the amazing way he always… Excuse me, what was I saying?

• Opportunities: Let's just say the "O" here doesn't stand for opportunities!

• Threats: The biggest threat occurs if one person believes that the hookup is the precursor for getting back together. A good night in the sack coupled with a touch of the holiday blues and missing having a steady relationship are all ingredients in a recipe for hookup disaster. Among the common pleas for reconciliation we may find: "Maybe if we changed everything about ourselves, we could make it work this time," or "We should give it another try, for the sake of the dog/cat/goldfish…" Do NOT fall into this trap! Remember, there are many good reasons it did not work out the last time. Don't let history repeat itself.

The SWOT analysis was a good start but I feel I need to dig deeper into the topic. Since I couldn't find an analyst report, I engaged in a little research of my own.

Although the "barriers to entry" are low, I found that the ex hookup is not always what you expect. Sure, the physical is great, but the emotional effects just can't be predicted. Even if your intention is just to have a little fun, you might find yourself engaged in a long discussion of the pros/cons of getting back together and pleading for another chance. Uhh, not that this happened to me or anything but my point is - be careful! Opening up a set of old wounds may not be worth the 20 minutes of excitement.

No matter what analysis you use, the ex factor is an unpredictable one. It could just be harmless fun, or it could lead to emotional disaster. Either way, it may be time to find something a little closer to the place we call home during the school year.

Ami Horne is not a sex expert, just a sex enthusiast. She wants to hear from you. Email her your stories at amihorne@gmail.com.

Honestly, it's not the easiest thing in the world. But it's a good test of your relationship - I'm finding my partner to be super-supportive, and as long as we communicate well I have no worries. Time is going to be an issue though and you'll want to talk through that with your partner.

I have been involved with the Gmat since 2009 ,but yet to break the score I want. I m not sure for how long can I postpone. I do not have many excuses for my parents.

Oh dear! I am in the same boat I believe and sereously on how to handle it! earlier I thought to enroll for Jul 2012 but it seems a distatnt dream now because most likely I've to accept the dictum of getting hooked up no- no escape, most likely baofre Deepawali (it's not that I am not willing but too mnay things at a time is making situation worst)

it will 100% be a tough challenge, but its short term and your partner has to understand. once you get an amazing job after you can shower them with gifts too

I feel if you have to explain then it's gonna be more difficult, understanding should come from within otherwise you will end up spending too much of energy on those futile discussions. Once is easy to say and hard to understand bro, esp. if you got hitched up recently (say less than one year!)

The great Indian wife- sticking point in my case