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Re: The common notion that workers are generally apathetic about managemen [#permalink]
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AWA Score: 4 out of 6

Coherence and connectivity: 3/5
This rating corresponds to the flow of ideas and expressions from one paragraph to another. The effective use of connectives and coherence of assertive language in arguing for/against the argument is analyzed. This is deemed as one of the most important parameters.

Paragraph structure and formation: 5/5
The structure and division of the attempt into appropriate paragraphs are evaluated. To score well on this parameter, it is important to organize the attempt into paragraphs. Preferable to follow the convention of leaving a line blank at the end of each paragraph, to make the software aware of the structure of the essay.

Vocabulary and word expression: 4.5/5
This parameter rates the submitted essay on the range of relevant vocabulary possessed by the candidate basis the word and expression usage. There are no extra- points for bombastic word usage. Simple is the best form of suave!


Good Luck

yash070497 wrote:
Hi, Please review my essay:

The argument claims that one of the common notions in the corporate world that the workers are generally apathetic about management issues is false or outdated. To support its claim the argument cites a recently published survey in which 79 percent of the surveyed workers expressed a deep interest in the topics of corporate restructuring and redesign of benefits programs. Stated in this way the argument fails to mention several key factors, on the basis of which it could be evaluated in an appropriate manner. The conclusion of the argument relies on assumptions for which there is no clear evidence. Hence the argument is rather weak and unconvincing and has several flaws.

Firstly, the author of the argument readily assumes that the questions included in the survey covered a diverse range of management issues where the workers may or may not be directly or indirectly affected, such as expansion into new territories, expansion into newer lines of business, etc. This statement is a stetch and is not substantiated in anyway. For example, the survey may have contained targeted questions where the worker is directly affected such as the redesign of benefit programme or the future of worker in case of a corporate restructuring. The argument would have been much clearer if it explicitly stated the range of questions covered in the survey conducted.

Second, the argument claims that the result of the survey conducted on a population of 1200 people is the opinion of the workers community at larger. This is again a very weak and an unsupported claim as 1200 workers may form a very small size for a representation of all the different worker communities. If the argument had stated that the population used for the survey consisted of representations from all the workers communities, the argument would have been a lot more convincing.

In summary, the argument is flawed and therefore unconvincing. It could be considerably strengthened if the author clearly mentioned all the relevant facts. In order to assess the merits of a certain situation, it is essential to have full knowledge of all contributing factors.


Sajjad1994 .. Thank you :)
GMAT Club Bot
Re: The common notion that workers are generally apathetic about managemen [#permalink]
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