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Please Grade my Toefl essay

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Please Grade my Toefl essay  [#permalink]

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New post 15 Aug 2015, 22:19
Some Young adults want independence from their parents as soon as possible. Other young adults prefer to stay with their families for a longer time. Which of these situations do you think is better? Explain with specific reasons and examples


My Essay:

It is true that in today's scenario, cultures have developed and evolved over time, and young adults share differences in opinions about their independence from parents as well as families. Where some want independence from their parents as soon a spossible, there are others who prefer to live with thier families for longer times. I am more inclined towards the former situation.

I think that living independently and learning through your own experiences is the most important part of growing up. It completely shapes who we become, what we think, what we believe and what we cherish. The sooner this process starts, the better. Independence from families helps us to create our own unique identity and promotes our individulity. It takes us out of the shadow of our parents, our homes and encourages us to make a place of ourselves in the world out there which can be a tough nut to crack. For instance, a young adult who leaves his/her home to go to college for the first time, enters a completely new alien world, which he/she has to explore on their own. The child has to have the independene to make his/her own decisions, experience and learn new things in a new environment and even learn from his/her mistakes. Proper room and space is required for an all-round devleopment of a yound adult.

Independence from family and parents would also ensure that the child will be more fit to withstand the cruel world outside. For every single problem that a young adult faces, he can no longer go back crying to his/her parents. This helps them in fighting against obstacles that come accross their path in life, it inculcates in them a spirit to stand up against hardhsips and bad times when they have no one around, because afterall parents are not going to be there for them forever. This entire process nutures them into well-rounded, hardened and well-informed adults with highest capabilites and least dependencies on others.

On the other hand, young adults who prefer to stay wth their families longer may not undergo the similar extent of experiences and learnings as they are shadowed by parents and families for a prolonged period of time.

Although it is also true that at many stages of life when big decisons are to be made, or we are stuck in dilemma's or situations that could impact our entire lives and future, we often seek the advice of our parents. In this context , I am trying to say independence from parents does not mean not listening to them or their wishes at all. Every young adult must remember that parents are wiser and they would always want what's best for their children, thus , listening to them in certain situations and seeking thier advice when in trouble is definately important. Absolue recklessness and foolishness in certain situations can only be controlled by parents.

I conclude by stating, that independence plays a very valuable role in shaping the lives of young adults and hence it would be benficial for them to become independent as soon as possible, but at the same time advice and teachings of our parents/families must always be remembered.
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Re: Please Grade my Toefl essay  [#permalink]

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New post 16 Aug 2015, 20:21
I'm not an expert to grade it but it looks reasonably good. all the best.
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New post 30 Aug 2015, 06:30
Please review my essay. I Am taking TOEFL next month.

It is more important for students to understand ideas and concepts than it is for them to learn facts.

Like a coin that has two sides every debatable topic has two aspects namely the advantage and disadvantage. No doubt the given topic has points strong enough to debate but I would definitely go with the utter importance for students to understand ideas and concepts rather than just learning the facts.
For me learning facts is just like by hearting something without taking into consideration the importance of the subject or its applicability in practical life. By understanding ideas and concepts of a particular matter or a subject one can easily apply those ideas or use them in daily life. For instance one can score good in theory by learning facts and jotting them down in the paper but what about the time when you are asked to explain about its applicability. Let’s take an example of an accounts student. The student in question does know all the accounting standards and has learned them by heart but what is the use of learning when he won’t be able to use or rather apply them while doing the real accounts of a financial or any concerned organization. Well this was just a way to show how understanding ideas and concepts is necessary because that way compels an individual to question things that arises in mind when a certain concept does not yields proper results.
Said that, I assume learning facts can be essential at times for the reason that some exceptions for instance, in grammar of various languages or assumptions in economics or the historical dates or even the names of geographical importance need to be learned. They just cannot be understood,they have to be learned or the facts are to be taken into consideration.
But if looked through a broader perspective understanding concepts would always seem prudential and essential according to me. Because learning facts won't always serve while understanding concepts would attribute a better perspective in any area.
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Re: Please Grade my Toefl essay   [#permalink] 30 Aug 2015, 06:30
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