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# Please provide feedback on my essay.

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19 Jul 2011, 07:10
ESSAY QUESTION:
The following appeared in an article in a medical journal:
"The major increase in new cases of adult-onset diabetes during the past decade is the result of poor nutrition, which is itself the result of a lack of government control over the quality of foods available at low prices. If the government placed more emphasis on proper nutrition by requiring that food manufacturers include more vitamins and minerals in their products, the rate of adult-onset diabetes would be reduced significantly."

Discuss how well reasoned you find this argument. Point out flaws in the argument's logic and analyze the argument's underlying assumptions. In addition, evaluate how supporting evidence is used and what evidence might counter the argument's conclusion. You may also discuss what additional evidence could be used to strengthen the argument or what changes would make the argument more logically sound.

The argument talks about the relationship between the rate of diabetes and the poor quality of the low price food which is a result of the lack of government control.The major flaw in the author's reasoning is that he misunderstands that the availability of all vitamins and minerals in the low price food can be provided without increasing the quality of the food.Such an assumption is seriously flawed because it has not been mentioned that a 'Low price' is how low.If the food price is well below the limit up to which all the necessary vitamins and minerals can be provided in the food,then neither the manufacturers not the government can be held responsible for this.
Government ,in a way, can tighten the screw on the food manufacturers by declaring a threshold limit on the selling price of the low price food and mandating that no manufacturer uses duplicate items required to prepare food, because use of these duplicate items can also cause the increase in the number of patients suffering from diabetes.
There might be several factors that can seriously weaken the argument. If it is found that local people,who survive on such low quality food , do take vitamins and minerals required for the body from other sources in there daily diet,then considering government's lack of control responsible for the increasing rates of diabetes will be called into question.In other words,Even if more vitamins and minerals are provided to the poor people, who can only afford low price food, the rates of diabetes among people will not be reduces.
To evaluate the entire argument one valid question that ca be asked is whether there are any other sources that are provided in the daily diet of people who survive on the low price food.Answer to this question will definitely help evaluate the argument.If the answer is 'Yes' then even after getting more vitamins and minerals in there normal low price food, people wont be able to have a reduced diabetes rate among them because in this case,reason for Diabetes will definitely be something different from the believed one.If the answer to this question stays 'No' then one can definitely consider the lack of government control the reason for diabetes among adults ,therefore by bringing out tighter regulations on the low price food quality rate of diabetes can surely be reduced.

=======================================
2.ESSAY QUESTION:
"Children today have an unprecedented number of options when it comes to entertainment. Since no parent can be aware of all of these options, it falls to the entertainment media to ensure that their content is suitable for young consumers."
Discuss the extent to which you agree or disagree with the opinion stated above. Support your point of view with reasons and/or examples from your own experience, observations, or reading.
I personally agree with the opinion mentioned above.One can ,by all means, consider the entertainment media responsible for the content that they provide because its only in the hand of entertainment media to provide the programs that are totally suitable to the children.Parents ,at most of the time, are not ware of the programs available for their children to watch because of many reasons.Most of the times they don't find time to spend on their children's day to day activity and to figure out whether the programs their children are watching are suitable to the them.
One example can be taken from the middle class U.S based family.In which both the parents go to work and stay out of home for 8-10 hours a day.In the time period when they stay out of home ,keeping an eye on children becomes a very tough job.In such scenarios entertainment media in U.S is held responsible primarily for providing the children with the most suitable entertainment options and not letting them find anything obscene or vulgar on television.By providing the best suited entertainment programs entertainment media can help both children ,by helping them grow better, and parents, by reducing their concerns about their children.
Parents can also be assumed not to be aware of the various entertainment media options because of there lack of knowledge about them.In that case also entertainment media can play a big role in helping both the parents and their children.All in all for parents to be less aware of the programs their children watch and for children to gain more knowledge about the world ,right selection of the entertainment media provider is necessary.
There might be given several such examples which can logically help explain the importance of the entertainment media provider over the roles of parents ,who don't know much about the various options available to their children.Most of the times entertainment media provided,as mentioned above, can help very much in these scenarios so one can conclude that the role of entertainment media is much bigger than that of the parents, who don't know much about the various options available to there children.
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20 Jul 2011, 01:28
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21 Jul 2011, 00:26
Intern
Status: App Time
Joined: 30 Nov 2010
Posts: 40
Location: United States (PA)
Concentration: Entrepreneurship, Technology
GMAT 1: 710 Q48 V38
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WE: Information Technology (Computer Software)
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21 Jul 2011, 14:10
For the argument essay, the main point is your are trying to make in the introduction is unclear. It can use some re-wording. E.g. The reasoning is flawed as the author assumes that low priced food cannot be nutritious.

Also, I don't get the point of the second paragraph. What do you mean by "duplicate items"?

The main point, in my opinion, is the fact that there is no evidence to support the relation between lack of government control and increase in the cases of diabetes. The arguments that author provides are brittle at best. The would fall flat under very little scrutiny. E.g. How would government's requiring manufacturers to include nutrition in food would ensure people would eat that food? Maybe people don't want to eat that food, maybe people like eating junk food. Also, there no mention related to affordability of food. The argument never talks about that people are not choosing food due to costs. Also, what category of people are the ones suffering most from diabetes? It those people can already afford good food but choose not to, this solution wouldn't really do anything and so on.

I would rate this essay between 3-4.

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Re: Please provide feedback on my essay.   [#permalink] 21 Jul 2011, 14:10
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