Please rate AWA essay

Thanks Connect,
I have tried working on all the points suggested and practiced a few essays. Below is the essay i took in a mock today. I have improved by at least 50 words and I hope you find the structure and language also a bit better. Please rate and comment.

Also, I have the GMAT scheduled in 2 days. Please give any last minute suggestions

Regards
Akhil
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ESSAY QUESTION:
The following appeared in a memo to executives at a company that manufactures industrial equipment:

"We are spending too much on free customer service after a sale has been made; we need to limit our warranty to two years in order to improve our profit margins. The current lifetime warranty can lead to costs decades into a product's life cycle. Also, we pay our customer service employees a premium because they must possess expert skills across the entirety of our very diverse product line, including products we no longer sell."

Discuss how well reasoned you find this argument. Point out flaws in the argument's logic and analyze the argument's underlying assumptions. In addition, evaluate how supporting evidence is used and what evidence might counter the argument's conclusion. You may also discuss what additional evidence could be used to strengthen the argument or what changes would make the argument more logically sound.

YOUR RESPONSE:
The author concludes that the company can improve profit margins by limiting the warranty of its products to two years from the current lifetime warranty. The author bases this conclusion on the high amount spent on free customer service after decades in the product life cycle and premium paid to its customer service employees for their expertise in diverse products. The argument, as stated above, is full of assumptions and does not support its claims with evidence. Thus, the argument is weak and has many flaws.

First, the author readily assumes that the limiting of warranty will improve profit margins of the company. In order to evaluate this conclusion, one needs to consider all the possible implications of proposed plan and their impact on the profit margins. The limiting of warranty may, for example, lead to reduced sale of the products in the market. Also, other competing products in the market may be offering a better after sales service at a lower cost than the proposed time. Thus, without a thorough impact assessment and market analysis, the conclusion seems to baseless.

Further, the author fails to consider that impact of reducing the premium paid to its customer service staff. The company might face high attrition rate due to decrease in the premiums and may thus loose valuable talent. This would, in turn, affect the quality of after sales service of the company, thereby discouraging the customers to buy company's products. Thus, while profit margins may increase, the company may loose its customer base affecting the overall revenue.

Finally, the author may make the argument tenable by providing a thorough impact analysis and market assessment of the proposal. The author must also consider the dynamics of its current operations and the impact of the change on its employees and overall revenue.

In summary, the argument fails to provide thorough impact analysis of the proposal on both the market and its internal operations and employees. Without substantial evidence to support, the conclusion seems to be a leap of faith and wishful thinking of the author.