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# Please Rate my AWA section responses

### Rate my Essays

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Intern
Joined: 09 Dec 2010
Posts: 5

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17 Feb 2011, 08:34
Taking the test on March 11th. Appreciate if someone can rate and give some pointers for improvement. Also score would be good.
TIA.

Argument Question:

The following paragraph recently appeared in an editorial printed in the opinion section of a local newspaper:
The recent surge in violence in the southern part of the city is a result of a shortage of police officers and an absence of leadership on the part of the city council. In order to rectify the burgeoning growth of crime that threatens the community, the city council must address this issue seriously. Instead of spending time on peripheral issues such as education quality, community vitality, and job opportunity, the city council must realize that the crime issue is serious and double the police force, even if this action requires budget cuts from other city programs.
With the alloted time remaining, dicsuss how well reasoned you find this argument.

My response:

The Argument about increased violence in the southern part of the city does not provide much detail on type violence or age group of the criminals. The argument is flawed for the following reasons and could be improved by providing addition details.
One of the reasons would be without knowing the type of violence it would be difficult to access the right solution. For example, if the problem is robberies. Then the reason for the spate of robberies might be the high unemployment rate in the area. By reducing the budget for education and job opportunity, clearly the problem is only going to increase in the near future.
Another problem with the argument is that it does not provide details of age group of the criminals. For example, if they are teenagers then reducing the budget for education would create more teenage criminals. Like the saying goes an idle mind is a devil's workshop. If these teenagers are involved in after school programs by mentors from the community that are given tax breaks for volunteering. The teenagers will be off the streets and would be more engaged in these programs.
Furthermore the argument mentions that increasing the police force will solve the problem. But studies have shown that just by increasing police force or enforcing the law stricter does not reduce crime. On the contrary if the crux of the problem is identified and tackled that would increase chances of reduction in violence.
In closing the argument would have been better support and convincing with all these additional details. In this competitive world where higher education is considered to be the best weapon against a poor or declining economy the argument is stating to reduce budgets for education. Consequently this would only increase the violence mentioned in the argument.

Analysis of an Issue:

"What really matters in the leadership of business and organizations is getting results, reaching benchmarks, and achieving success."

With the alloted time remaining, dicsuss the extent to which you agree or disagree with the opinion stated above. Support your views with reasons and/or examples from your own experience, observations, or reading.

My Response:

Some people would argue that the end result and reaching milestones is all that really matters to leadership of business and organizations. But due to the following reasons we can see that the process to the end result also matters.
For instance in a freight company. Delivering the end products to customers in time would be considered a success. But clearly the process of how those packages reached the end client would also matter. In fact, when the driver of the freight truck does not have an optimized route for him to deliver the products. He would waste more fuel and take same route many times. If the route was optimized ahead of schedule. Similar routes would be less frequented and in turn less fuel used.
Similarly in software upgrade project if the leadership is only concerned with end result. Then by limiting scope of project and cutting quality of testing. We can deliver project on time and within budget. Surely this would create more work once we go live, because lot of bugs would be discovered during production support. Which would lead to more rework and increase cost of production support. Also employees will be unsatisfied with the results.
Hence on the one hand end results and milestones have to be reached to make business and organization successful. On the other hand the process to the end result should also be taken into account, or else the end result would be unsuccessful in the long run.
Intern
Joined: 09 Dec 2010
Posts: 5

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17 Feb 2011, 14:38

Thanks,
Intern
Joined: 09 Dec 2010
Posts: 5

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18 Feb 2011, 07:57
Director
Status: Impossible is not a fact. It's an opinion. It's a dare. Impossible is nothing.
Affiliations: University of Chicago Booth School of Business
Joined: 03 Feb 2011
Posts: 900

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20 Feb 2011, 21:41
Argument essay - 5/6
Issue essay - 4/6

bijugm wrote:
Intern
Joined: 09 Dec 2010
Posts: 5

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21 Feb 2011, 02:05
Thanks gmat1220.
Any comments or tips on how to improve the essays.
Thanks once again.

Posted from my mobile device
Director
Status: Impossible is not a fact. It's an opinion. It's a dare. Impossible is nothing.
Affiliations: University of Chicago Booth School of Business
Joined: 03 Feb 2011
Posts: 900

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21 Feb 2011, 05:00
1
KUDOS
Hey bijugm, I will review your issue essay. The argument essay is pretty good.
In the issue pls keep an eye on the length of text. I believe this is not 350 words or more. I sense a scope shift - the essay was not "process vs final result". It says "business and organizations" is reaching success and benchmarks. Are they doing wrong or injustice, disservice to the society or environment? The most appropriate examples are the organizations whose avarice and malpractices destroy the environment and harm the people, economy and nation. e.g Lehman Brothers bankruptcy in 2008, if you have seen Erin Brokovich (Pacific gas and Electric company litigation in 1996), Enron case 2001, to name a few. Use them in the examples

bijugm wrote:
Thanks gmat1220.
Any comments or tips on how to improve the essays.
Thanks once again.

Posted from my mobile device
Intern
Joined: 09 Dec 2010
Posts: 5

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21 Feb 2011, 15:24
Director
Status: Impossible is not a fact. It's an opinion. It's a dare. Impossible is nothing.
Affiliations: University of Chicago Booth School of Business
Joined: 03 Feb 2011
Posts: 900

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21 Feb 2011, 23:41
No problem ! cheers

bijugm wrote:
Re: Please Rate my AWA section responses   [#permalink] 21 Feb 2011, 23:41
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