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Please rate my AWA. Thank you very much!

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Please rate my AWA. Thank you very much!  [#permalink]

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New post 17 Feb 2019, 15:44
The following appeared in the editorial section of a local paper:
Applications for advertising spots on KMTV, our local cable television channel decreased last year. Meanwhile a neighboring town’s local channel, KOOP, changed its focus to farming issues and reported an increase in advertising applications for the year. To increase applications for its advertisement spots, KMTV should focus its programming on farming issues as well.

Essay:

The author concludes KOOP’s programming change caused the increase in applications for its advertisement spots and such a change would elicit the same results at KMTV. The author provides an unpersuasive and illogical argument. Insufficient data and causality errors weaken the author’s conclusion.

The author is convinced the change in programming at KOOP increased advertising applications but does not provide sufficient evidence to draw the conclusion. A business takes steps every year to keep pace with market changes. We do not know what other changes took place at KOOP during the year that may have helped to increase advertising applications. The company may have lowered the price of their advertising slots and incentivized new applications that way. Correlation is not causality.

Secondly, the author makes a mistake assuming, what works at one local cable television channel will work at every one and that is simply false. Koop may have decided to switch their programming focus because they are located in an agricultural community. What kind of community does KMTV serve? What are the demographics of KMTV’s audience?

Vague words like “decreased” weaken the argument. The first sentence reads applications decreased last year but provides no other information. By how much did applications decrease at KMTV and increase at KOOP. These numbers are important to begin brainstorming all the possible reasons why advertising applications went down at KMTV. Cable television is becoming outdated with online streaming services and companies are now changing where they spend their advertising dollars.

The argument provides an inaccurate causal effect thus making a dangerous assertion.
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New post 26 Feb 2019, 07:07
1
irina2019 wrote:
The following appeared in the editorial section of a local paper:
Applications for advertising spots on KMTV, our local cable television channel decreased last year. Meanwhile a neighboring town’s local channel, KOOP, changed its focus to farming issues and reported an increase in advertising applications for the year. To increase applications for its advertisement spots, KMTV should focus its programming on farming issues as well.

Essay:

The author concludes KOOP’s programming change caused the increase in applications for its advertisement spots and such a change would elicit the same results at KMTV. The author provides an unpersuasive and illogical argument. Insufficient data and causality errors weaken the author’s conclusion.

The author is convinced the change in programming at KOOP increased advertising applications but does not provide sufficient evidence to draw the conclusion. A business takes steps every year to keep pace with market changes. We do not know what other changes took place at KOOP during the year that may have helped to increase advertising applications. The company may have lowered the price of their advertising slots and incentivized new applications that way. Correlation is not causality.

Secondly, the author makes a mistake assuming, what works at one local cable television channel will work at every one and that is simply false. Koop may have decided to switch their programming focus because they are located in an agricultural community. What kind of community does KMTV serve? What are the demographics of KMTV’s audience?

Vague words like “decreased” weaken the argument. The first sentence reads applications decreased last year but provides no other information. By how much did applications decrease at KMTV and increase at KOOP. These numbers are important to begin brainstorming all the possible reasons why advertising applications went down at KMTV. Cable television is becoming outdated with online streaming services and companies are now changing where they spend their advertising dollars.

The argument provides an inaccurate causal effect thus making a dangerous assertion.


my 2 cents (from a non-expert):

1- "KOOP’s programming change caused the increase in applications for its advertisement spots" is part of the premise, not part of the author's conclusion.
2- it is an Analogy argument as the author concludes that mimicking KOOP would bring the same result for KMTV (not a cause effect)
3- Don't to attach the premise. you have to deal with it as a true fact.
4- you proposed that their may be other factors (which is right) besides the change to farming issues.
5- you started emphasizing the analogy flaw in paragraph 2 (which is correct). You have to mention it in the introduction and conclusion.
6- Decreased is not a vague word. (vague words are such as some, may, few). It will not matter how much it decreased. There is a fact that it decreased and this is an issue that the author was trying to solve.
7- you have good arrangement of paragraphs, but you have several grammatical mistakes which can be easily avoided by using shorter sentences.
8- You proposed that "Cable television" is outdated. so how can you explain the increase witnessed by KOOP? Your task is not to provide solutions. your task is to find find flaws in the argument, then provide ideas on how to strengthen the argument (such as investigating certain information or statistics which lead to better evaluation)
9- "Dangerous" is not an appropriate word to describe as assertion.
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New post 26 Feb 2019, 10:44
For further improvement:
1) try to memorize this template: https://gmatclub.com/forum/how-to-get-6-0-awa-my-guide-64327.html
2) this playlist is simple and to the point: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6mE_XP8Wewo&list=PL560775B17C79CAA3
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Re: Please rate my AWA. Thank you very much!  [#permalink]

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New post 26 Feb 2019, 10:53
To be sure, AWA section does not test your ability to make strong arguments; instead, it tests your ability to write good business English. That said, you should still be able to make a decent argument by highlighting weaknesses in the author's argument, and offering strengtheners. Mahmoudfawzy83 has beautifully and painstakingly pointed out most of the grammar & usage issues. However, my biggest concern with your essay is the word limit. No, length is not a definitive measure to score hight but a 259 words essay will definitely fetch you a low score. I would recommend you to increase the size of the overall essay; you can do so by increasing the length of the sentences and paragraphs. Also, you should choose structural keywords diligently. For instance, if you choose to start a paragraph with the keyword 'Secondly', as you have done, you should start the other paragraphs with Firstly and Lastly. Therefore, focus on these aspects of the essay to get a higher score. All the best.
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Re: Please rate my AWA. Thank you very much!   [#permalink] 26 Feb 2019, 10:53
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