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Please rate my essay (Motorcycle X) [#permalink]
30 Aug 2013, 03:04
I am taking the GMAT in a week. Please rate my essay (official GMATPrep topic) and give suggestions where you see fit. Thanks!
“Motorcycle X has been manufactured in the United States for over 70 years. Although one foreign company has copied the motorcycle and is selling it for less, the company has failed to attract motorcycle X customers - some say because its products lacks the exceptionally loud noise made by motorcycle X. But there must be some other explanation. After all, foreign cars tend to be quieter than similar American-made cars, but they sell at least as well. Also, television advertisements for motorcycle X highlight its durability and sleek lines, not its noisiness and the ads typically have voice-overs or rock music rather than engine roar on the sound track.”
The argument makes the point that even though some people have claimed that the motorcycle copied by the foreign company is selling poorly because the motorcycle lacks the exceptionally loud noise made by the original motorcycle X, there must be some other explanations. The writer then goes on to highlight two important facts. Firstly, foreign cars are typically quieter than similar American-made cars. Secondly, television advertisements for the original motorcycle highlight features other than the noise of the engine. Here, the writer has made reasonably good arguments, however a few linkages between his assumptions and conclusions are questionable and must be examined carefully.
Firstly, the writer mentions that foreign cars tend to be quieter than similar American cars but they sell at least as well. Here, the author is making an error in assuming that a generally observed fact in cars will also apply to motorcycles. Furthermore, even if such a relationship is true, i.e. foreign motorcycles tend to be quieter than similar American motorcycles but sell just as well, there is no reason to believe that this relationship will hold in the case of motorcycle X. By consequent, a more in-depth analysis of the features of the motorcycles and the needs of the customers will be required to understand why a particular model sells well or poorly given a certain set of features.
Secondly, the writer makes an observation regarding television advertisements for motorcycle X. Here, he is drawing a conclusion that doesn't necessarily have to be true given the facts from the advertisements. It is possible that the marketing staff at the company that manufactures Motorcycle X wanted to highlight certain features of the product that they believe will appeal to the consumers, but there is no reason to believe that these features will actually be the selling point of the product from the point of view of the viewers. Furthermore, it is possible that the author hasn't fully understood the intentions of the advertisements. There is no engine-roar on the sound track of the advertisement, but rock music may suggest masculinity, strength and other traits typically associated with a powerful engine. If the author isn't a trained marketer, perhaps a more thorough analysis of the advertisements by somebody in the marketing profession will yield a more accurate and objective assessment of the true intentions of the advertisers.
In conclusion, it is evident that the writer has made a well-structured line of reasoning to arrive at his conclusion. However the links between each of the pieces in the structure are not properly established and should be examined carefully to verify the claims made by the authors. In addition, the author's argument could benefit from additional evidence, either from studies or from professional opinions, that will help back up his conclusion and tighten the loose ends in his line of reasoning.