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Please review my essay

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Intern
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Joined: 18 Aug 2014
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Please review my essay  [#permalink]

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New post 18 Aug 2014, 09:34
Do you agree or disagree with the following statement? Parents are
the best teachers. Use specific reasons and examples to support
your answer.




Answer:

Many people think that parents are the best teachers, while others may have a different opinion. The issue is controversial one but a clear examination reveals that parents are considered to be the best teachers for several reasons.
One reason is that parents are the first persons to teach us what is good and what is bad. For example, when children are young, Parents teach them how to respect elders. Furthermore, they teach them how to speak with elders, how to behave in front of elders and also correct them when they are doing wrong, Where as teachers in the school might not be able to look after every child in the class and they by cannot correct them while doing anything wrong.
Another reason being that, Some children might only listen to their parents and the teachers might feel thery cannot control these type of children, At that time, It is the responsibility of the parents to take care of those children and explain them about the good and bad. To illustrate this point, Let us consider a 12 year old boy, he might be mischievous in the class, and the teacher might face problems handling him. But when parents come into picture and explain him in whatever way they wish to, he might change. As a result his mischief might decrease and his seriousness might increase.
Perhaps the best reason is that, Parents will have more love and responsibility towards their child rather than any outsider or a teacher. In fact, that parental love and responsibility might act in a good way for the child. Therefore he will show more interest to listen to his parents and act according to them.
In summary, while there are arguments to made for both sides of the issue, it is clear that parents will have mor3e effect on children rather than an outsider or a teacher. As a result we can conclude that “Parents are the best teachers”.
Intern
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Joined: 21 Aug 2014
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Re: Please review my essay  [#permalink]

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New post 21 Aug 2014, 15:51
Hello,
Your writing is very good. However, you only have 327 words, which is not enough to receive a high score. I suggest you follow this strategy to help you increase you word count. I am not allowed to post URLs yet, as I am a new member. So go to google, type in "TOEFL with Nikki" and in the search box on my website you can type in " Improve Your Writing Score Easily" and it will lead you to a blog post that teaches you the strategy.

If you'd like, after you review the strategy, write the essay again and I would be happy to revise it. Good luck! -Nikki
GMAT Club Bot
Re: Please review my essay   [#permalink] 21 Aug 2014, 15:51
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