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Please review my TOEFL essay

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Intern
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Joined: 18 May 2018
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Please review my TOEFL essay  [#permalink]

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New post 18 May 2018, 06:50
Prepare an essay of about 300-600 words on the topic below.

Some people feel that sharing their lives on social media sites such as Facebook, Instagram, and Snapchat is fine. They share every aspect of their lives, including pictures of themselves and their families, what they ate for lunch, who they are dating, and when they are going on vacation. They even say that if it's not on social media, it didn't happen. Other people believe that sharing so much personal information is an invasion of privacy and could prove dangerous. They think sharing personal pictures and details invites predators, cyberbullying, and identity theft.

Write an essay to someone who is considering whether to participate in social media. Take a side on the issue and argue whether or not he/she should join a social media network. Use specific examples to support your argument.


I think you should join social media like Facebook and/or Instagram, Twitter, Snapchat.

First of all, most people are on social media and it’s a nice way to keep in touch with people you haven’t seen in a while. Most grownups join Facebook to find former schoolmates or distant relatives they’ve lost contact with. I can recall my father joining Facebook because he realized he knew little to nothing about his old friends he grew up with. He eventually found most of them and they still text sometimes, especially on holidays or to plan having a barbecue together when we’re in the same area.

Secondly, you can follow pages about topics or activities that interest you. There’s something for everybody on the internet; for example, if you’ve just picked up photography, there is plenty of pages about this topic and profiles of photographers. Some of them even publish videos and guides on how to improve your photography. Moreover, Instagram is a go-to page for old and new photographers, both for drawing inspiration from and gaining notoriety as a photographer.

Finally, it’s all nice and safe if you pay attention to how much of your life you share on social networks. Of course there are some cons about social networks but they can be avoided. For example, a lot of people post useless and uninteresting things, like an average looking meal or a status in which they complain about how boring their favorite tv show has gotten. Some people had their identity stolen or got bullied. First thing you need to do is avoid exposing yourself too much because probably most people care about what you’re cooking as much as you care about what they’re cooking. If your feed is filled with content that you don’t want to see you can always unfollow people while keeping them on your friendlist. Furthermore, you should absolutely avoid being too emotional in a comment section. Social networks are not your psychologist (even though you can find some pages that offer counselling) so you shouldn’t expose your weaknesses or some bullies or trolls might bother you.

In conclusion, I suggest that social media are a great tool for most people and If used correctly, the pros absolutely outweigh the cons.

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Re: Please review my TOEFL essay  [#permalink]

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New post 26 May 2018, 08:28
Hi Georgecojocaru,

In my opinion, you haven't addressed the topic in question. For me, it's about the data privacy and I would address pros and cons of sharing private data on social media.

Moreover, the intro and conclusion should not be short. There are some helpful videos on essay structures here:

https://gmatclub.com/forum/toefl-instru ... 46203.html

Hope this helps and good luck in your endeavors!
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Re: Please review my TOEFL essay   [#permalink] 26 May 2018, 08:28
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