It is currently 24 Jun 2017, 16:02

### GMAT Club Daily Prep

#### Thank you for using the timer - this advanced tool can estimate your performance and suggest more practice questions. We have subscribed you to Daily Prep Questions via email.

Customized
for You

we will pick new questions that match your level based on your Timer History

Track

every week, we’ll send you an estimated GMAT score based on your performance

Practice
Pays

we will pick new questions that match your level based on your Timer History

# Events & Promotions

###### Events & Promotions in June
Open Detailed Calendar

# Pls rate this essay # 2 - then I'll rate yours!

Author Message
Retired Moderator
Status: 2000 posts! I don't know whether I should feel great or sad about it! LOL
Joined: 04 Oct 2009
Posts: 1659
Location: Peru
Schools: Harvard, Stanford, Wharton, MIT & HKS (Government)
WE 1: Economic research
WE 2: Banking
WE 3: Government: Foreign Trade and SMEs
Pls rate this essay # 2 - then I'll rate yours! [#permalink]

### Show Tags

27 Oct 2010, 22:05

“There is only one definition of success—to be able to spend your life in your own way.”
To what extent do you agree or disagree with this definition of success? Support your position by using reasons and examples from your reading, your own experience, or your observation of others.

 Many people, influenced especially by media and society, think that success is being rich, famous and powerful. Other people think that success is living your life based on your dreams, goals, feelings and values. In other words, living in your on way. This issue is a controversial one but a closer examination reveals that success is living your life under your personal criteria. My reasons are the following:First, success means reaching an objective or a dream. Let me explain, if we review the meaning of “success” in the dictionary, we will see that success is making a reality something that a person desires. It is reaching a goal. As you can see, money, fame or power doesn’t define success. Additionally, we must indicate that the goals are established by the individuals. Based on their personal desires, people set what they want to be happy. In other words, their goals and their success for them is subjective. In other words, success is living in your on way.Second, the usual things that society and media consider as success not necessarily provide happiness. As I mentioned before, money, fame, power and other stuff related usually are considered basic for a successful live. However, there are many people who have these things, but they don’t feel happy. They are not successful for themselves. For example, there are people who have won millions of dollars in the lottery, but they are not successful. We can indicate that they don’t feel successful because some of them have killed themselves. If they had felt successful and happy, they wouldn’t have done that.Third, people who live trying to reach their dreams and live under their personal beliefs and values are usually the most happy. A recent survey of the Departament of Psychology of Harvard University showed that the people who feel happier than the rest are those people who listen to themselves in relation to what they want for their lives. For example, Mother Teresa of Calcutta was a poor woman, but she considered herself successful because she was doing what she makes her happy, helping poor people.In summary, I believe that success is living in your own way because: a) success is reaching your personal goals and objectives, b) the things that society usually consider as success not necessarily provide happiness, and c) the people who live in their own way are usually the most happy.

_________________

"Life’s battle doesn’t always go to stronger or faster men; but sooner or later the man who wins is the one who thinks he can."

My Integrated Reasoning Logbook / Diary: http://gmatclub.com/forum/my-ir-logbook-diary-133264.html

GMAT Club Premium Membership - big benefits and savings

Senior Manager
Joined: 31 Mar 2010
Posts: 414
Location: Europe
Re: Pls rate this essay # 2 - then I'll rate yours! [#permalink]

### Show Tags

03 Nov 2010, 15:55
1
KUDOS
You are making a few typos. In your second paragraph "as success DO not necessarily ...".

Third paragraph "what she makes her happy", drop the "she". Also after happy you should have used a ": helping poor people".

Personally I would not use "Harvard" as an example, it sounds a bit too perfect to be true. Did you come up with that study, or does it really exist?

Also avoid using words such as "things" and "stuff", it sounds very unprofessional.

However I think that the colon "My reasons are the following:" is considered improper writing style for an essay. And also drop the "a) ... b) ... c) ..." in your summary, where did you get that idea from?

Probably (just to be picky) prefer "our" over "your" or rephrase your sentences to look more like a general definition.

If you fix the few aforementioned bits and pieces, you'll score a 6.0
Retired Moderator
Status: 2000 posts! I don't know whether I should feel great or sad about it! LOL
Joined: 04 Oct 2009
Posts: 1659
Location: Peru
Schools: Harvard, Stanford, Wharton, MIT & HKS (Government)
WE 1: Economic research
WE 2: Banking
WE 3: Government: Foreign Trade and SMEs
Re: Pls rate this essay # 2 - then I'll rate yours! [#permalink]

### Show Tags

11 Nov 2010, 16:28
Thank you very much!

I agree with your recommendations. But you have to understand that my native language is not English. Give some credit! LOL

Kudos for you
_________________

"Life’s battle doesn’t always go to stronger or faster men; but sooner or later the man who wins is the one who thinks he can."

My Integrated Reasoning Logbook / Diary: http://gmatclub.com/forum/my-ir-logbook-diary-133264.html

GMAT Club Premium Membership - big benefits and savings

Re: Pls rate this essay # 2 - then I'll rate yours!   [#permalink] 11 Nov 2010, 16:28
Similar topics Replies Last post
Similar
Topics:
Pls rate my essay 0 06 May 2016, 02:14
Please rate this essay: Issue #3 - then I'll rate yours! 0 29 Oct 2010, 08:32
Pls rate this essay! 1 03 Nov 2010, 16:06
Pls rate - Argument essay 1 20 Oct 2010, 10:43
Pls rate this Argument essay, then I'll rate YOURS! 3 15 Oct 2010, 16:49
Display posts from previous: Sort by