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# Rate my analysis of argument essay

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Intern
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Rate my analysis of argument essay [#permalink]

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20 Jan 2013, 13:39
1
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Ques) The following appeared in an announcement issued by the publisher of The Mercury, a weekly newspaper:
“Since a competing lower-priced newspaper, The Bugle, was started five years ago, The Mercury’s circulation has
declined by 10,000 readers. The best way to get more people to read The Mercury is to reduce its price below that of
The Bugle, at least until circulation increases to former levels. The increased circulation of The Mercury will attract
Discuss how well reasoned . . . etc.

Soln)The argument that the best way to get more people to read the mercury is to reduce the price to below that of the bugle is to increase circulation and this
increase will attract more advertisements is not entirely logically convincing because it ignores certain crucial assumptions.

Firstly, in the argument author considers price of newspaper to be the only factor affecting circulation.According to him mercury's circulation can be
increased by selling newspapers at lower rates . Though author's claim may have merit ,author fails to consider other factors regarding circulation.
Perhaps there may be a case that the loss in circulation is beacause of poor quality of editing and not price.

Secondly,author assumes that increased circulation will attract more advertisers.As stated in the previous paragraph,author again does not considers all the
facts affecting circulation.There may be a case that increased circulation tends to decrease in requirement for advertising space as all the factors affecting
advertisements have not been considered.The author presents a poorly reasoned argument and based on the assumptions,we cannot accept his argument valid.

Thirdly,Author's premise in support of conclusion only helps us to know that cause of decrease in circulation of mercury's newspaper is the other newspaper
The Bugle . In no way does this premise helps us to fill the gap between assumptions and conclusion. We are still left lots of factor unconsidered.The
author's premise,the basis for his argument,lacks any legitimate evidentiary support and renders the conclusion unaccepted.

Thus the argument is not completely sound . The evidence in support of conclusion regarding the best way to increase circulation by decreasing price and
regarding direct proportionality between circulation and requirement of advertising space remains ineffective .Ultimately , the argument might have been
strengthened by considering other factors prevailing in market such as printing quality ,editing ,sales technique,promotion,demand forecasting,management
etc.of Mercury's newspaper.

APPROXIMATELY 300 WORDS.RATE THIS ESSAY AND SUGGESTIONS ARE MOST WELCOME..
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Re: Rate my analysis of argument essay [#permalink]

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21 Jan 2013, 00:25
2
KUDOS
My grade is 2.0. Keep learning English. Read some good books... Let me know if you need suggestions. Looks like you have a long way to go.

2.0. Does not present a critique based on logical analysis, but may instead present the writer's own views on the subject

The second paragraph contains the only attempt to analyse the argument.
Quote:
Perhaps there may be a case that the loss in circulation is beacause of poor quality of editing and not price.

The paper is trying to say that Mercury's circulation could have declined because of e.g. poor editing, not just because of the price. This demonstrates little understanding of the argument. The critique has to analyze the statement, namely, that "The best way to get more people to read The Mercury is to reduce its price below that of The Bugle, at least until circulation increases to former levels." Is it the best way to get more people to read the Mercury? Yes or No? Why?

The rest of the paper is incoherent and has little substance. The paper fails to address even the most obvious issue: whether the start of the competing newspaper The Bugle affected the circulation of The Mercury.
Quote:
Thirdly,Author's premise in support of conclusion only helps us to know that cause of decrease in circulation of mercury's newspaper is the other newspaper
The Bugle .

Here the paper explicitly says that the cause of decrease of the circulation of The Mercury is The Bugle.

2.0. Does not develop ideas, or is disorganized and illogical

Quote:
Firstly, in the argument author considers price of newspaper to be the only factor affecting circulation.According to him mercury's circulation can be
increased by selling newspapers at lower rates . Though author's claim may have merit ,author fails to consider other factors regarding circulation.
Perhaps there may be a case that the loss in circulation is beacause of poor quality of editing and not price.

The second sentence discusses ways to increase The Mercury's circulation. The fourth sentence, however, discusses reasons for the decline in Mercury's circulation that has already happened. Are we talking about the past or about the future? The first sentence is incorrect: it is obviously wrong to say that price is the only factor affecting circulation, and the author of the argument has never made such a statement.

Quote:
Secondly,author assumes that increased circulation will attract more advertisers.As stated in the previous paragraph,author again does not considers all the
facts affecting circulation.There may be a case that increased circulation tends to decrease in requirement for advertising space as all the factors affecting
advertisements have not been considered.The author presents a poorly reasoned argument and based on the assumptions,we cannot accept his argument valid.

The first sentence demonstrates some ability to understand the argument. Then, however, the paper says "As stated in the previous paragraph, author again..." as if the previous paragraph has already analyzed the issue about advertising. The third sentence is incomprehensible. The part "...increased circulation tends to decrease" is particularly illogical.

The last two paragraphs are written so poorly that little meaning can be extracted.
Quote:
Thirdly,Author's premise in support of conclusion only helps us to know that cause of decrease in circulation of mercury's newspaper is the other newspaper
The Bugle . In no way does this premise helps us to fill the gap between assumptions and conclusion. We are still left lots of factor unconsidered.The
author's premise,the basis for his argument,lacks any legitimate evidentiary support and renders the conclusion unaccepted.

We do not know whether The Bugle is the cause of the decrease of The Mercury's circulation. This is definitely not a premise. However, even if it were a premise, what would it mean to say In no way does this premise helps us to fill the gap between assumptions and conclusions. What is then the difference between a PREMISE and ASSUMPTIONS? Later it is said instead that "...premise... lacks any legitimate evidentiary support..."

In any case, the paper does not explain why it is important to know whether The Mercury's circulation has decreased because of The Bugle.

The last paragraph is just as incoherent. The errors in language and sentence structure constantly interfere with meaning; thus, no ideas or logic can be extracted.

2.0. The paper provides little, if any, relevant or reasonable support

There are no clear points of critique of the argument; so, naturally, there can be no support if there is virtually no critique.

2.0. Has serious and frequent problems in the use of language and in sentence structure

2.0. Contains numerous errors in grammar, usage, and mechanics that interfere with meaning

Consider, for example, this sentence:
Quote:
There may be a case that increased circulation tends to decrease in requirement for advertising space as all the factors affecting advertisements have not been considered.

Even though syntactically the sentence looks fine, all meaning has been lost. How can circulation decrease in requirement? What does it mean to say that "all the factors affecting advertisements have not been considered"?

Another one:
Quote:
The evidence in support of conclusion regarding the best way to increase circulation by decreasing price and regarding direct proportionality between circulation and requirement of advertising space remains ineffective .

"the best way to increase circulation by decreasing price" --- what is this?
"direct proportionality between circulation and requirement of advertising space" --- what is that?
How can evidence "remain ineffective"? What does it even mean?

In this sentence the (in)dependent clauses cannot be clearly identified. The structure is broken.
Quote:
The argument that [the best way to get more people to read the mercury is to reduce the price to below that of the bugle] is to increase circulation and this
increase will attract more advertisements is not entirely logically convincing because it ignores certain crucial assumptions.

The part in square brackets is a complete sentence that stands on its own. So we cannot say [CLAUSE] to do something. We certainly can say "The argument that [CLAUSE]. Thus we get a new composite subject: "The argument that [CLAUSE]". Fine. We can abbreviate it as "The ARGUMENT". So now we are left with
modified wrote:
The ARGUMENT is to increase circulation...

How can an argument increase circulation? Also note that modal verb to be that serves no purpose.
Perhaps, the sentence can be rewritten as
modified again wrote:
The argument that [the best way to get more people to read The Mercury is to reduce its price to below that of The Bigle, and this best way will increase circulation, and this increased circulation will attract more advertisements] is not entirely logically convincing because it ignores certain crucial assumptions

There are also countless little errors:
Quote:
Firstly, in the argument author considers price of newspaper

THE author, THE price, A/THE newspaper

Quote:
According to him mercury's circulation

A comma is missing after "him".

[/quote]
Thirdly,Author's premise in support of conclusion only helps us to know that cause of decrease in circulation of mercury's newspaper is the other newspaper
The Bugle .
[/quote]
THE author's premise
in support of THE conclusion
"only helps us to know" --> only tells us
that cause --> that the cause
of decrease --> of the decrease
mercury's newspaper --> The Mercury
newspaper The Bugle --> newspaper, The Bugle (a comma is missing)

Quote:
renders the conclusion unaccepted.

Usage: "unaccepted" is not the right word here. Say instead "renders the conclusion invalid" or "renders the conclusion a belief rather than knowledge".

Quote:
Ultimately , the argument might have been strengthened

"might" is too weak; use could.

Quote:
by considering other factors prevailing in market such as printing quality ,editing ,sales technique,promotion, demand forecasting, management...

What does it mean - factors prevailing in market? Does editing prevail in the market? Does sales technique prevail in the market?
By the way, how is demand forecasting relevant? What kind of promotion are we talking about?
_________________

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I tutor in NYC: http://www.wyzant.com/Tutors/NY/New-York/7948121/#ref=1RKFOZ

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Re: Rate my analysis of argument essay [#permalink]

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21 Jan 2013, 01:11
1
KUDOS
thanxx alot ,,

you gave a wonderful review and helped me realize what i did wrong.

Also it would be great on your side if you let me know that how can i prepare for awa.i wrote awa essay for the first and til now i havent done any preparation.

Manager
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GMAT 1: 780 Q51 V47
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Kudos [?]: 70 [1] , given: 13

Re: Rate my analysis of argument essay [#permalink]

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22 Jan 2013, 15:18
1
KUDOS
Do not set a time limit and use a dictionary and/or internet. See if you can write a better essay under such conditions.
Every time you are in doubt, google for the appropriate rules of grammar (or use a book). You can use www.vocabulary.com for learning new words.
_________________

Sergey Orshanskiy, Ph.D.
I tutor in NYC: http://www.wyzant.com/Tutors/NY/New-York/7948121/#ref=1RKFOZ

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Re: Rate my analysis of argument essay [#permalink]

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23 Jan 2013, 07:52
2
KUDOS

The argument claims that the best way to increase the readership of the newspaper-The Mecury- is by reducing its price to below that of The Bugle. The increased readership of The Mercury will then bring in more business through advertisements. Stated in this way the argument fails to mention several key factors on the basis of which it could have been evaluated. The conclusion of the argument relies on certain assumptions for which there’s no clear evidence.

First, the author readily assumes that the decline in readership of The mercury has been caused due to another newspaper- The Bugle. This assumption is clearly flawed since it ignores several other factors such as low paper quality, inexperienced editors with poor writing skills, biased reporting of news etc. The argument would have been much more clear if it had explicitly stated that the sole reason was a single competitor- The Bugle.

Second, in making a further direct comparison with The Bugle, the author states that the price of The Mercury should be reduced below to that of The Bugle. This is again a very weak argument as the author fails to provide any financial analysis. Perhaps, the publication cost per copy of The mercury is several time the publication cost of The Bugle. Then a price comparison with The Bugle is futile, since this comparison could even incur heavy loss to the Mercury.

Third, the author fails to consider the priority of the readers. Is cost of the newspaper the only deciding factor for readers ? Money may or may not be the sole deciding factor. For instance, the readers might be more interested to read political news, which has been never reported by The Mercury but has been extensively covered by The Bugle. If the author had provided some information regarding the tastes and preferences of the readers then the argument would have been a lot more convincing.

Finally, the author claims that a rise in the readership will bring more business opportunities through advertisements. This is again an unsubstantiated claim. The claim is based on the assumption that for sponsors, number of readers matters the most. Undoubtedly this is an unsubstantiated claim. For instance, there can be several other factors that sponsors take into account such as cost of advertising, demography of readers etc.

In conclusion the argument is flawed for the above mentioned reasons. Without convincing answers to the above mentioned questions, one is left with impression that the claim is more a wishful thinking than substantive evidence.
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Re: Rate my analysis of argument essay [#permalink]

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23 Jan 2013, 16:11
1
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ayushalinagar, read the new essay by sahil2441 on the same subject. It is not perfect, but definitely stronger than yours.
_________________

Sergey Orshanskiy, Ph.D.
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Re: Rate my analysis of argument essay [#permalink]

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24 Jan 2013, 00:30
1
KUDOS
thanxx to all ,

finally i have figured out my problem. it seems that i dont have proper understanding of what is awa? so i am running out with my own conclusion and facts...

So any good source or link that you guys can recommend which may help me to understand the concepts of aw
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Re: Rate my analysis of argument essay [#permalink]

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24 Jan 2013, 02:30
Read the post by 'Chineseburned' on awa.
It's the most popular awa guide.
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Re: Rate my analysis of argument essay [#permalink]

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19 Feb 2013, 08:15
I attempted essay for practice too, without reading the other responses. Feel free to critique. I know this may be short and I wasn't timing myself, probably less than 20 minutes.

The announcement by the publisher of the mercury believes that by lowering the price of their newspapers below the price of the competing newspaper The Bulge, the Mercury would increase circulation and attract more advertising. While the argument has some merit, the publisher’s argument has serious flaws that undermine the validity of the author’s conclusion.

First, the pricing of a certain newspaper is not always the principal reason for a reader to choose a certain newspaper. The quality of the stories, the reputation of the paper and its authors, and the availability of the newspapers can be more important than pricing.

Second, the author does not mention whether they are still exceeding The Bulge in circulation despite the recent decline in readership. For example, if the Mercury has millions of readers and still sells more than the Bulge, a decline of 10,000 readers is rather insignificant.

Third, the author does not mention specifically why there is a need to increase reader circulation and receive more advertising. Is it because the newspaper is unprofitable and losing money? Is it because Mercury wants to increase profits more through increased advertising? The author should have mentioned the underlying goal.

Hence, the author’s argument is rather unconvincing. The author fails to mention the specific goal of increasing circulation, and it is unclear whether a price decrease will increase newspaper circulation.
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Re: Rate my analysis of argument essay [#permalink]

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01 Oct 2013, 19:45
Please analyse my essay and give the inputs:

According to the argument , the publisher concludes that the increased circulation of The Mercury will attract more business to buy advertising space in the paper. He bases his conclusion on the insufficient premises: Firstly, The best way to get more people to read The Mercury is to reduce its price below that of The Bugle. Secondly, Since The Bugle was started five years ago ,The mercury circulation has declined by 10,000 readers. The publisher assumes many aspects and his assumptions are flawed.
Firstly, the publisher assumes that it is because of lower- priced The Bugle newspaper that the circulation of The Mercury has declined. But he fails to consider various other factors such as Other newspapers might have taken over the market, Population of the residents might have reduced etc. Secondly, he assumes that reducing the price below that of The Bugle will increase the circulation. But he fails to take into account that there may be other factors such as Language of the newspaper, Dominant news content i.e. local, National, Or international. Lastly, he assumes that the increased circulation will attract more business. But he fails to consider other factors such as brand value of the newspaper, the target customer for the products etc. that the advertisers will look for before buying the advertising space.
The publisher’s argument may be justified if The Bugle and The Mercury are the only competing newspapers in the market. And all other factors that influence the circulation and the advertisers decision to buy space in the newspaper are comparable for both the newspapers.
The argument would be better constructed if some potential queries were addressed. A few include: Whether other newspapers compete in the same market space for the market share, whether the sales of The Bugle increased when the sales of The Mercury Decreased etc.
Thus, based on reasons cited above, the argument is ill constructed.
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Re: Rate my analysis of argument essay [#permalink]

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28 Jul 2014, 03:17
I think your arguments are not in depth make it simple and point to the topic.
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Re: Rate my analysis of argument essay [#permalink]

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29 May 2016, 11:18
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