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Request to review and rate an Essay for TOEFL writing section

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Request to review and rate an Essay for TOEFL writing section  [#permalink]

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New post 18 Sep 2018, 00:54
Could anyone please review my essay response and if possible please share your feedback and rating. Thanks in advance. Cheers!!

Question: Do you agree or disagree with the following statement?
People today spend too much time on personal enjoyment – doing things they like to do – rather than doing things they should do.
Use examples and reasons to support your position.


Response:

I agree with the statement that nowadays people spend more time in enjoyment than the essential work. I believe this for several reasons. Today's generation I feel is more distracted and this is happening due to the enormous amount of development in the entertainment industries and the change in lifecycle due to high living standard. People are now accustomed to using many of these advanced products and thereby fail to do the essential chores.

First, I think the main culprit for the irresponsible behavior of present generation is the advanced entertainment facilities available in the today's world which of course was not the case before so earlier people had more time to work. The entertainment like television, movie theaters, music industries and many more instigate people to spend more time on these. Also, people feel good when they get entertained so they tend to distract very easily. For example, the social networking sites like Facebook, Twitter, Instagram are addicting for people especially the young generation as they meet new people and can easily chat for long hours. It affects their studies and they don’t even realize how much time is being wasted. Therefore, the advanced entertainments products have a big role in changing people's life.

Another point is the standard of living which is rising rapidly and people buy entertainment products to maintain their image. Also, the tempting advertisement by the selling industries pulls more people to purchase these products which they might not even need. For instance, television, music system is some of the essentials in people's home today and young generation buy expensive stereos and video games to impress their friends. Therefore, people are falling victim as they buy entertainment products and thereby waste too much time by using these products.

Finally, some people may argue that the entertainment is not a bad thing to do and it may relax our mind and give more energy to focus our work. This is a valid point but how much entertainment is required for a healthy lifestyle is an important question that everyone should be aware of. If we cross the limit we would fall into the trap of the excess entertainment.

In conclusion, entertainment is not bad if done in the limit and therefore, everyone should be conscious of the time they spend in working and entertainment. Too much of everything is bad and same concept goes for the entertainment too.
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Request to review and rate an Essay for TOEFL writing section   [#permalink] 18 Sep 2018, 00:54
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