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# Review request for Analysis of an issue.

Author Message
Intern
Joined: 02 Oct 2009
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Review request for Analysis of an issue. [#permalink]

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08 Oct 2009, 09:15
“Education has become the main provider of individual opportunity in our society. Just as property and money once were the keys to success, education has now become the element that most ensures success in life.”
In your opinion, how accurate is the view expressed above? Explain, using reasons and examples based on your own experience, observations, or reading.

I do agree with the view expressed above because in this world, which is moving towards knowledge economy, education and knowledge have become the key drivers for success. Better the education and knowledge you have, better is your chances of achieving success. Now a days, an idea, which is creative and innovative and supported by timely knowledge to convert it into an end product, is more important than money and capital because it is easier to find people with money who are ready to support bright ideas. Not only that, education has helped people from all strata of society- from top to bottom- to move up in their life and achieve success.

In order to support my views, let me take an example and illustrate how education has transformed many people in India. India, as we know, has one of the largest population of poor people. Yet many poor people were able to grab the opportunities provided by IT revolution and become successful in life just because of their good education. People who had property and money without any education have remained where they are but people who had education in addition to money and property have become successful entrepreneurs.

In the present world, no one can deny the fact that education will open up a number of opportunities in myriad fields such as engineering, medicine, information technology, biotechnology etc. Your education and knowledge can be put to use in any one of these fields to achieve success. That is the reason behind strong competition to enter prestigious institution such as IITs and IIMs. For example more than 3, 00, 000 students are appearing for the IIM's entrance examination and competing for just about 1000 plus odd seats available.

On the other hand, people without a good education are struggling to come up in their lives. Without proper education they are finding it hard to find jobs to meet their daily basic needs, let alone achieving success. Without any knowledge and skill sets it has become next to impossible to make these people employable in this fast growing knowledge sector. Computers and machine automation is adding to the owes of uneducated people by replacing them in many industries.

It can be easily concluded that level of education is directly proportional to the opportunities one gets and the success one achieves. Education and knowledge have become more important factors in the barometer of success, far ahead of money and property.

Kaplan GMAT Instructor
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Re: Review request for Analysis of an issue. [#permalink]

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09 Oct 2009, 23:14
supercapa wrote:
I do agree with the view expressed above because in this world, which is moving towards knowledge economy, education and knowledge have become the key drivers for success. Better the education and knowledge you have, better is your chances of achieving success. Now a days, an idea, which is creative and innovative and supported by timely knowledge to convert it into an end product, is more important than money and capital because it is easier to find people with money who are ready to support bright ideas. Not only that, education has helped people from all strata of society- from top to bottom- to move up in their life and achieve success.[/b]

In today's world, which is moving towards a knowledge economy, education and knowledge have become the key drivers for success. The better the education and knowledge you have, the better the chances are that you will achieve success. Nowadays, an idea that is creative and innovative is more important than money and capital, because it is easier to find people with money who are ready to support bright ideas. Not only that, education has helped people from all strata of society- from top to bottom- move up in their life.

Good points: Your structure is excellent, with clear paragraphing. Each of your points is supported by it's own evidence, leading to a solid conclusion.

Things that need work:

Your grammar has several issues, including a number of idiom issues (I've corrected a few from your first paragraph, above) and come parallelism. These can be tricky to master, but the same skills you're working on for the SC section will help to improve these with time.

Avoid excessive use of the first person.

Make the other side clear. You do a very good job of defending your position, but it's not clear what you're defending it against; you need to introduce an alternate position, to explain why the subject is even at issue, and then dismiss that position's evidence to strenghten your own.

All things considered, a respectable effort, but one with room to improve. I'd tentatively rate this a 4.
_________________

Eli Meyer
Kaplan Teacher
http://www.kaptest.com/GMAT

Prepare with Kaplan and save $150 on a course! Kaplan Reviews Intern Joined: 02 Oct 2009 Posts: 7 Followers: 0 Kudos [?]: 0 [0], given: 0 Re: Review request for Analysis of an issue. [#permalink] ### Show Tags 12 Oct 2009, 10:03 Thank you KapTeacherEli, for your excellent feedback. Your thorough analysis and subsequent advice will certainly help me in improving my AWA skills. Please analyze my other essays when you find time. Intern Joined: 23 Jan 2010 Posts: 25 Concentration: Technology, Marketing Followers: 0 Kudos [?]: 2 [0], given: 2 Re: Review request for Analysis of an issue. [#permalink] ### Show Tags 26 Mar 2010, 23:34 Nice essay .. but I have a doubt here, I am also from India , is it fine to give localized examples from one's country as a sole one to defend/support the argument in question? Kaplan GMAT Instructor Joined: 25 Aug 2009 Posts: 644 Location: Cambridge, MA Followers: 85 Kudos [?]: 287 [0], given: 2 Re: Review request for Analysis of an issue. [#permalink] ### Show Tags 27 Mar 2010, 14:02 dairymilk wrote: Nice essay .. but I have a doubt here, I am also from India , is it fine to give localized examples from one's country as a sole one to defend/support the argument in question? Provided you offer enough detail for someone not localized to understand them, yes. Bad: As the Boston Massacre shows, death can motivate a revolution. Good: During the Boston Massacre, British soldiers fired on (allegedly) peaceful protesters, prompting riots and outrage. As this shows, death can motivate a revolution. _________________ Eli Meyer Kaplan Teacher http://www.kaptest.com/GMAT Prepare with Kaplan and save$150 on a course!

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Re: Review request for Analysis of an issue.   [#permalink] 27 Mar 2010, 14:02
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