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# Terrible sentence...spot the problems

Author Message
Current Student
Joined: 03 Oct 2006
Posts: 84

Kudos [?]: [0], given: 0

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14 Aug 2007, 07:26
http://www.wsoctv.com/news/13882347/detail.html

"York County sheriff's deputies are looking for two men who couldn't decide whether or not to rob a convenience store, then finally went in and did it late Sunday."

Kudos [?]: [0], given: 0

CEO
Joined: 21 Jan 2007
Posts: 2736

Kudos [?]: 1023 [0], given: 4

Location: New York City

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14 Aug 2007, 07:30
lol spot the errors in yesterday's ny times.

Moreover, bankers and investors say, the strategies employed tend to be not only duplicable but broadly followed — the result being a packlike tendency that has helped increase market volatility and, for some hedge funds, has led to losses in the last month.

The managers of these funds are the products of the trading desks of the big investment banks, like Goldman Sachs and Morgan Stanley, both of which have investment operations that use computer models.

Kudos [?]: 1023 [0], given: 4

Current Student
Joined: 03 Oct 2006
Posts: 84

Kudos [?]: [0], given: 0

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14 Aug 2007, 07:40
bmwhype2 wrote:
lol spot the errors in yesterday's ny times.

Moreover, bankers and investors say, the strategies employed tend to be not only duplicable but broadly followed — the result being a packlike tendency that has helped increase market volatility and, for some hedge funds, has led to losses in the last month.

The managers of these funds are the products of the trading desks of the big investment banks, like Goldman Sachs and Morgan Stanley, both of which have investment operations that use computer models.

1) Idiom: Not only, but also
2) hyphen can be replaced with a semicolon as they are 2 independent clauses
3) Being can be replaced with a simple verb, is
4) "like Goldman Sachs and Morgan Stanley" - this is getting picky, but the sentence could use a different comparative phrase like "such as"

I'm happy that I'm starting to analyze sentences in everyday life. Makes me feel that my studying is working.

Kudos [?]: [0], given: 0

CEO
Joined: 21 Jan 2007
Posts: 2736

Kudos [?]: 1023 [0], given: 4

Location: New York City

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15 Aug 2007, 07:46
hd54321 wrote:
bmwhype2 wrote:
lol spot the errors in yesterday's ny times.

Moreover, bankers and investors say, the strategies employed tend to be not only duplicable but broadly followed — the result being a packlike tendency that has helped increase market volatility and, for some hedge funds, has led to losses in the last month.

The managers of these funds are the products of the trading desks of the big investment banks, like Goldman Sachs and Morgan Stanley, both of which have investment operations that use computer models.

1) Idiom: Not only, but also
2) hyphen can be replaced with a semicolon as they are 2 independent clauses
3) Being can be replaced with a simple verb, is
4) "like Goldman Sachs and Morgan Stanley" - this is getting picky, but the sentence could use a different comparative phrase like "such as"

I'm happy that I'm starting to analyze sentences in everyday life. Makes me feel that my studying is working.

the parts are not parallel too.

Kudos [?]: 1023 [0], given: 4

Director
Joined: 29 Aug 2005
Posts: 855

Kudos [?]: 472 [0], given: 7

Re: Terrible sentence...spot the problems [#permalink]

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16 Aug 2007, 05:54
hd54321 wrote:
http://www.wsoctv.com/news/13882347/detail.html

"York County sheriff's deputies are looking for two men who couldn't decide whether or not to rob a convenience store, then finally went in and did it late Sunday."

The sentence is indeed badly constructed. My version would be the following:

York County sheriff's deputies are looking for two men who couldn't decide whether to rob a convenience store, but who finally robbed it late Sunday.

Kudos [?]: 472 [0], given: 7

Director
Joined: 11 Jun 2007
Posts: 910

Kudos [?]: 269 [0], given: 0

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16 Aug 2007, 06:33
:lol:

Okay guys.. this is when you know that GMAT studying has taken over your lives!!!!!! I find myself scrutinizing the daily emails I send out for work and correcting everything else I see!

Kudos [?]: 269 [0], given: 0

Director
Joined: 29 Aug 2005
Posts: 855

Kudos [?]: 472 [0], given: 7

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16 Aug 2007, 07:27
beckee529 wrote:
:lol:

Okay guys.. this is when you know that GMAT studying has taken over your lives!!!!!! I find myself scrutinizing the daily emails I send out for work and correcting everything else I see!

At least I am learning to understand my own written work...

Kudos [?]: 472 [0], given: 7

16 Aug 2007, 07:27
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