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# The common notion that workers are generally- Rate Please

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Intern
Joined: 13 Jun 2012
Posts: 11

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13 Jun 2012, 02:45
1
Hi i am new to GMATclub. I am not good at writing. can you please rate my essay and guide me how can i improve my AWA skills to get a 6.

The following appeared in the editorial section of a corporate newsletter:

“The common notion that workers are generally apathetic about management issues is false, or at least outdated: a recently published survey indicates that 79 percent of the nearly 1,200 workers who responded to survey questionnaires expressed a high level of interest in the topics of corporate restructuring and redesign of benefits programs.”

Discuss how well reasoned … etc.

Friction with Management with its staff has been prevalent over many years. There are those who debate over insufficient salary, those who assert that management is not providing them proper increments, and those who believe that management is only good at making their employees work too hard. In the preceding statement, the author claims that nowadays workers take keen interest in activities in improving the corporate policies and programmes. Though his claim may well have merit, the author presents a poorly reasoned argument, based on several premises and assumptions, and based solely on the evidence the author offers; we cannot accept his argument as valid.

The primary issue with the author’s reasoning lies in his unsubstantiated premises. He presents a survey to prove his point. As per the survey, 79 percent out of 1200 workers have desired in the topics of corporate restructuring and redesign of benefit programs. Now, a major flaw in this survey is the number of workers serving in the organization. The survey result would have been acceptable if the number of workers working in the organization was 2000. But for a large organization where the number of employees goes above 200000, the result is completely meaningless. The author’s premises, the basis for his argument, lack any legitimate evidentiary support and render his conclusion unacceptable.

In addition, the author makes several assumptions that remain unproven. He is basing his statement on only one survey. There are no silver bullets or single actions that will easily end the common behavior amongst workers. The workers feel that its management is not providing sufficient salary which they are entitled for the duties they serve. Moreover, the workers could have taken interest in those benefit programs of the company which are not related to them. The author weakens his argument by making assumptions and failing to provide explication of the links between worker and the management he assumes exist.
While the author has made a key issue against the common notion that is not to say that the entire argument is without base. He could have detailed the survey results such as training programs; Family benefits programs from the company which the employees are satisfied. He could have surveyed more companies across the world. The reason for the interest of the workers in the management issues could have been addressed. Though there are several issues with the author’s reasoning at present, with research and clarification, he could improve significantly.

In sum, the author’s illogical argument is based on unsupported premises and unsubstantiated assumptions that render his conclusion invalid. Even though the work culture has changed over the years, but then also there are some issues which has to be addressed between the employees and its management on a continuous basis. If the author truly hopes to change his readers’ mind on the issue, he would have to largely restructure his argument, fix the flaws in his logic, clearly explicate his assumptions, and provide evidentiary support. Without these things, his poorly reasoned arguments will likely convince few people.
Current Student
Joined: 08 Jan 2009
Posts: 304
GMAT 1: 770 Q50 V46
Re: AWA- Kindly rate my essay & guide me on improving AWA  [#permalink]

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13 Jun 2012, 04:12
1
I will be honest with you. This is a very weak essay.

There are two components to a good argument essay, grammar and content.

Grammar
Your grammar is weak and needs improvement. Your essay is full of incorrect word usage, strange idioms, sentence structure etc. I know its tough for non native speakers, but I suggest you spend more time reading quality english sources (newspapers, books, websites etc). I am not an expert on AWA scoring, but even if your content is rock solid, you will not score a 6.0 with badly written english.

But I feel the real issue with your essay is the content, not the grammar.

Content
You fail to really attack the argument itself. You make a ton of few very general "this argument is weak and not supported by its premises" statements, but never really tie those back into the argument. Basically there is a lot of generic, empty statements that don't add anything to your analysis. I've annotated my specific thoughts in the attached word file. I feel like you have followed a template far too closely, and left in a lot of waffly wording that sounds good, but is meaningless.

I feel you only raise one genuine issue with the author's argument - "he is basing his statement on one survey". You state this, then do not delve into it at all! You go off on a complete tangent right after making a good point.

Your second paragraph regarding the number of workers is pretty weak. Essentially you are suggesting the survey methodology was wrong, when there is no real evidence that it was. You need to focus on the argument presented, and only bring in outside information to highlight flaws in the authors argument. You might raise an issue with the methodology as a secondary issue. I'm not saying its completely absurd to raise, but its definitely not the biggest flaw. You are better off giving some benefit of the doubt that the survey was fair and the methodology was correct.

I do not think you have fully appreciated the argument. What is the real issue with this argument? Its that the conclusion talks about management issues, but the survey talks about interest in restructuring and design of benefits.

You need to interpret "restructuring and design of benefits" as "job layoffs and job pay".

So the argument is saying that workers care about management issues, because they care about job layoffs and job pay! This is a very weak argument. Workers will always care about job layoffs and job pay because these issues directly affect them. Just because they care about these issues does not mean they care about the much broader 'management issues'.

This is the major flaw in the argument, and needs to be your first point. Your second paragraph might be some of those issues with relying on one survey, and that no information is provided on the survey methodology. I would then move into how the argument could be improved, and finish off by restating my view on the argument.
Attachments

arg.docx [17.04 KiB]

Intern
Joined: 13 Jun 2012
Posts: 11
Re: AWA- Kindly rate my essay & guide me on improving AWA  [#permalink]

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13 Jun 2012, 04:54
pike wrote:
I will be honest with you. This is a very weak essay.

There are two components to a good argument essay, grammar and content.

Grammar
Your grammar is weak and needs improvement. Your essay is full of incorrect word usage, strange idioms, sentence structure etc. I know its tough for non native speakers, but I suggest you spend more time reading quality english sources (newspapers, books, websites etc). I am not an expert on AWA scoring, but even if your content is rock solid, you will not score a 6.0 with badly written english.

But I feel the real issue with your essay is the content, not the grammar.

Content
You fail to really attack the argument itself. You make a ton of few very general "this argument is weak and not supported by its premises" statements, but never really tie those back into the argument. Basically there is a lot of generic, empty statements that don't add anything to your analysis. I've annotated my specific thoughts in the attached word file. I feel like you have followed a template far too closely, and left in a lot of waffly wording that sounds good, but is meaningless.

I feel you only raise one genuine issue with the author's argument - "he is basing his statement on one survey". You state this, then do not delve into it at all! You go off on a complete tangent right after making a good point.

Your second paragraph regarding the number of workers is pretty weak. Essentially you are suggesting the survey methodology was wrong, when there is no real evidence that it was. You need to focus on the argument presented, and only bring in outside information to highlight flaws in the authors argument. You might raise an issue with the methodology as a secondary issue. I'm not saying its completely absurd to raise, but its definitely not the biggest flaw. You are better off giving some benefit of the doubt that the survey was fair and the methodology was correct.

I do not think you have fully appreciated the argument. What is the real issue with this argument? Its that the conclusion talks about management issues, but the survey talks about interest in restructuring and design of benefits.

You need to interpret "restructuring and design of benefits" as "job layoffs and job pay".

So the argument is saying that workers care about management issues, because they care about job layoffs and job pay! This is a very weak argument. Workers will always care about job layoffs and job pay because these issues directly affect them. Just because they care about these issues does not mean they care about the much broader 'management issues'.

This is the major flaw in the argument, and needs to be your first point. Your second paragraph might be some of those issues with relying on one survey, and that no information is provided on the survey methodology. I would then move into how the argument could be improved, and finish off by restating my view on the argument.

Hi, thanks a lot for taking time and reviewing my essay in such a detailed manner. can you please rate my essay. I wont mind even if it is 0. But atleast i will know where do i stand. I agree with you that most of them are generic statements since i picked up most of the lines from Economist.

Seriously, this was the best and detailed review i have ever seen in BTG or GC.

Warm regards

Arunima
Current Student
Joined: 08 Jan 2009
Posts: 304
GMAT 1: 770 Q50 V46
Re: AWA- Kindly rate my essay & guide me on improving AWA  [#permalink]

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13 Jun 2012, 20:35
No problem! I don't normally look in the AWA forum!

I honestly don't know what rating you receive. The ratings are percentiles, so I would say this might be be a 4.0-4.5 (21st-37th %ile) I am guessing.

You should follow a template (how-to-get-6-0-awa-my-guide-64327.html), but it should be just a structural one. Make sure you understand the ideas you present, and explore them fully. Each paragraph should have a clear point - don't through in words and expressions if they don't add to your paragraph's point. Make sure you spend time to really understand the argument (like you should for a CR problem).

Good luck!
Intern
Joined: 13 Jun 2012
Posts: 11
Re: AWA- Kindly rate my essay & guide me on improving AWA  [#permalink]

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14 Jun 2012, 19:15
Pike

I am not allowed to post the urls yet.After your suggestion, i have started reading the economist magazine and 2 detailed topics each day from idebate forum.

Thanks & Regards

Arunima
Intern
Joined: 23 Jan 2014
Posts: 7

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06 May 2015, 21:12
Hi,
I am new to the club. I will really appreciate if you could review my essay and point out the mistakes.

The presented argument is flawed because of the assumptions it made without providing proper reasoning. First, 1200 workers that are surveyed cannot represent all the workers. Also, even the workers who responded showed their interest only in topics of corporate restructuring and redesign of benefits, and not for all the management issues.
Argument wrongly assumes that 1200 workers that are surveyed represent the whole population of the workers. It is quite possible that the surveyed group of workers is all from same class of workers and has certain interests in management while the remaining classes of workers are still apathetic about management issues. Argument could be stronger if some information regarding the type of workers surveyed would have been provided. The conclusion drawn would be convincing if it could be proved that surveyed workers belongs to all the classes of workers.
Secondly, Even the workers that responded in the survey showed their interest only in topics of corporate restructuring and redesign of benefits. This does not mean that workers are interested in all the management issues. There are chances that workers are only interested in the above-mentioned issues, because those issues benefit them directly, and are apathetic about rest of the management issues.
Argument could be made stronger if details of surveyed workers would have been provided. Also, Management issues is a vast set and having interest in just two topics does not necessarily means that one has an interest in all the management issues
Intern
Joined: 08 Jun 2018
Posts: 1

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14 Jul 2018, 23:53
Hi. I would appreciate if you could rate my essay, and give your opinion.

The argument states that workers in a corporate are generally interested about management issues. This is supported by the evidence of a survey conducted indicating that 79% of the nearly 1200 workers showed high level of interest in topics of corporate restructuring redesign of benefit programs. The argument is logically flawed, because it fails to address the reasoning behind their interests in its evidence.

Most conspicuosly, the evidence in the argument does not specify the kind of survey conducted, and the questions asked in it. While, the evidence might be in favour of the conclusion, it fails to address if the survey took into account only topics which definitely do affect workers directly as the corporate restructuring occurs. For example, if restructuring redesign of benefit programs directly affects the number of leaves, or the payroll of a worker, they would definitely show interest towards the management issues. The evidence also states that the number of workers who took the survey was 1200, which might be a small fraction of the total number of workers in the corporate. Hence, while 79% of the 1200 who gave the survey might be a good majority, there is not indication of the fraction of the total number of workers who expressed a high level of interest. The evidence leading to the conclusion mentioned in the argument does not specify the degree to which the survey exhibits honest opinions of the workers, and thus it might be a case that the evidence is showing flawed results.

Hence, while it might be true that the workers are no more apathetic about management issues, the evidence given in favour lacks enough reasoning for the same. It fails to address many issues which might lead to the the reason behind the results of the survey. Thus, to make the argument more concrete, it would be necessary to present a more detailed evidence on the same.
Manager
Joined: 03 Apr 2018
Posts: 84
Location: United Arab Emirates
GMAT 1: 700 Q49 V35
GPA: 4

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16 Jul 2018, 04:47

“The common notion that workers are generally apathetic about management issues is false, or at least outdated: a recently published survey indicates that 79 percent of the nearly 1,200 workers who responded to survey questionnaires expressed a high level of interest in the topics of corporate restructuring and redesign of benefits programs.”

As per the argument, there is a common thinking that the workers are neutral to the management issues and have no interest in the same. But at the same time, a recent survey highlights something different; approximately, 960 workers out of a total of 1200 workers showed their interests in the management related issues such as corporate restructuring and redesign of benefits program.

Assumptions:

1. All these 1200 people who were a part of this recently conducted survey were not at all apathetic to the management issues. Apart from this, they were ready to provide any help required from their side ( for the resolution of any issues).

2. The management issues discussed with these 1200 people (who were a part of this survey) were almost the same as the issues which were discussed anytime earlier. Hence, the argument above concludes that the common thinking of workers' neutrality is false.

3. People surveyed were not under any kind of pressure to show their interests in the issues discussed.

Weaknesses:

1. There can be a variety of management related issues, and the ones which were discussed with those 1200 people were general issues which were really interesting as compared to the management issues which had previously been discussed.

2. Most of the people surveyed were MBA graduates who were generally interested in discussing any issues related to management.

3. We cannot form an opinion based on any 1 survey. Technically, we need to conduct such surveys every week and that too with different people (people of all age groups), in order to make an accurate conclusion.

In my opinion, the argument is weak as no information about the previously conducted surveys has been given. Also, due to the weaknesses as mentioned above.
Re: The common notion that workers are generally- Rate Please &nbs [#permalink] 16 Jul 2018, 04:47
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