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Toefl writing help

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Toefl writing help [#permalink] New post 03 Jun 2012, 11:33
Hello everyone,

I am practicing writing module of toefl and I want some suggestion on my writing abilities. Here's the essay I have written and I want the experts here to rate it and also help with with a few suggestions.

Here's the topic: Young people enjoy life more than old do. Do you agree or disagree.

Here's what I wrote:

Although old people have the time to enjoy life but young people have the energy to live life to the fullest. According to an eloquent artist Napolean
"He's old, but is he lucky?"

There are numerous examples which shows that young people have better chance of enjoying life than the old one. In my views, they have the enthusiasm and desire for exploration. There are few examples which supports my point.

Firstly, I think that when a person is young he has enthusiastic willingness to live life. According to a research conducted by A.C Neilson, there's enormous quantity of young people visiting Las Vegas and Amsterdam, cities known for best partying destinations around the globe. This research gives lucid idea that people who're young tend to be more open to enjoyment than the older ones. Whereas, old people wants to sit back at home and enjoy life because they have done a lot and they only need rest now.

Moreover, i think that movies plays a significant role on why young people enjoy life more. Hollywood movies and tv shows such as and Entourage gives a positive vibe to the young generation. The character in movies are portrayed as if you miss this opportunity, its never going to come back. People associate themselves with the character and they want to taste the same moment. Also much genres such as trance which is associated as the music of this generation gives us the clear idea that get the best of life. Whereas, old people look after with their grand children and family.

Finally, I believe that young people have more chances of enjoying life than the old ones. However, old people also enjoy life in the sense of spending time with their families and loved ones. I would like to conclude this with a remarkable saying by Rumi who says that
"Enjoy life at present rather than planning for the future because time doesn’t come back."
Toefl writing help   [#permalink] 03 Jun 2012, 11:33
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