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How about this? " My experiences purchasing my first home exposed me to th e complexities of the finance industry. I was instantly hooked - the complex transactions, the different products and services, the challenge in properly understanding the big picture, the analysis required - all of these things showed me that I found finance far more interesting than IT. Further purchases involving similarly developed derivates - a car, my boat - have only reinforced my belief that a career in finance is right for me.
Although I lack professional experience in the field, I believe that I will suceed in my short term goal of becoming Risk Analyst at a firm focused in the Y industry. I base this belief, in part on my newfound passion for the subject which will keep me motivated and in part on my undergraduate academic performance in subjects including X,Y,Z.
Long term, I would like to combine my IT experience and financial knowledge to develop advanced risk analysis software. I am particularly interested in the areas of private wealth management, where software used to dynamically assess portfolios remains relatively unsofisticated.
My background working with Experian/Fair Isaac/Pega Rules/Any product that deals with risk or business rules really/ provides a grounding in how to develop business rules and models. My short term experiences will build on this knowledge and prepare me for my more long term entreprenurial vision"
Final decisions are in: Berkeley: Denied with interview Tepper: Waitlisted with interview Rotman: Admitted with scholarship (withdrawn) Random French School: Admitted to MSc in Management with scholarship (...