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Please rate my AWA....argument...exam in a week

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Intern
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Kudos [?]: 5 [0], given: 9

Please rate my AWA....argument...exam in a week [#permalink] New post 12 Jan 2011, 12:02
Hi,

Please rate my essay.I have the GMAT in a week's time.Thanks!

AWA ESSAYS: Analyze Argument
ESSAY QUESTION:
The following appeared in an article in a consumer-electronics magazine:

"Company X's latest model of digital camera to be released next month, the TR12, is being promoted as the most portable, user-friendly digital camera available, and also an excellent bargain. It can be expected to live up to these claims, because Company X's previous model, the TR11, was universally lauded as setting the standard in these areas last year."
Discuss how well reasoned you find this argument. Point out flaws in the argument's logic and analyze the argument's underlying assumptions. In addition, evaluate how supporting evidence is used and what evidence might counter the argument's conclusion. You may also discuss what additional evidence could be used to strengthen the argument or what changes would make the argument more logically sound.

MY RESPONSE

The article appeared in a consumer-electronics magazine states hat company X's latest digital camera model TR12 can be expected to live up to these claims.While making this argument the author gives reference of the earlier model TR11,launched by the same company.At first the argument may look appealing,but on closer scrutiny it falls apart on many fronts.
The primary issue lies in author's reasoning.He simply states that whatever claims the company X has made while promoting the product are true claims.Whenever a certain firm launches a new product it claims that the product offered by it has many advanced features,its very cheap etc.It may be possible that the camera is not all user friendly.It may be portable,but the mechanism of portability it uses is very poor and it may not work after using for some period.Also it is possible that some other electronic company is offering the same product of not better at a price lesser than that offered by company X's.One just cannot make any argument by just seeing the promotion banners put by the company X everywhere.One should actually handle the product before making such arguments.
Secondly,the evidence given by author while making the argument is not strong.He states that the earlier product launched by company X was lauded universally and hence,TR 12 will also be a good product.
It may be possible TR11 had many unique certain features no other camera manufactured before that had.So everyone was applauding for these new multiple technological innovations in a single product.Even if TR12 has some unique feature,it may be possible that rival has already launched such product in the market.Hence TR12 won't attract much public attention.Whenever a certain thing is new in the market it becomes very popular and catches good market.When "Orkut" was launched first by Google ,it had become very popular.Later Google launched "Buzz",which hardly anybody noticed and used.
In addition to above, the author also needs to take into consideration the market status.It may be possible that when TR11 was launched it was a peak time and everyone in the market was finding out ways to manufacture a totally unique product.Now people may not be that interested.It may be possible that people are interested in some other products now.It may be possible that the trend is such that people prefer to have camera in their cell phones instead of having separate cameras.
In sum, the illogical argument made by author is based on unsupported premises and faulty assumptions.Hence it does not hold any water.If the author wants to convince the readers,he needs to largely restructure the argument,fix the flaws,clearly state the evidences,provided substantial evidences,without which the argument is likely to convince only few people.
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Re: Please rate my AWA....argument...exam in a week [#permalink] New post 12 Jan 2011, 14:50
The ideas are good, but could be rewritten with better sentences, basically your overuse of "it" ruins a bit your essay.

For better readability make sure you space your paragraphs.

I would give it a 5.0, maybe 5.5, in its current state.
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Re: Please rate my AWA....argument...exam in a week [#permalink] New post 13 Jan 2011, 08:14
That's a great essay, I'd rate it - 6.

One thing to add, you must avoid the passive voice, 'the illogical argument made by author is based on unsupported premises". Other than that you're all good to go.
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Re: Please rate my AWA....argument...exam in a week [#permalink] New post 13 Jan 2011, 09:07
Thanks guys!
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Re: Please rate my AWA....argument...exam in a week [#permalink] New post 13 Jan 2011, 12:52
1
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No to score a 6.0 you would also need to provide ways for the author to fix the flaws, eg: if the author had shown that... if the author had provided evidence that... if the author had cited a correlation between x and y then...
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Re: Please rate my AWA....argument...exam in a week [#permalink] New post 13 Jan 2011, 21:45
PadawanOfTheGMAT wrote:
No to score a 6.0 you would also need to provide ways for the author to fix the flaws, eg: if the author had shown that... if the author had provided evidence that... if the author had cited a correlation between x and y then...


Thanks for your suggestions.
I will take care of it.
Re: Please rate my AWA....argument...exam in a week   [#permalink] 13 Jan 2011, 21:45
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