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Re: views on this issue [#permalink]
Few things I can think of after reading the response

1. Be very clear in what you are trying to say. As I understand, you are trying to agree with the issue. Be clear. State that in short simple statements things you want convey. Imagine being a reader yourself, think about what would you prefer reading on a technical essay. Would you prefer an abstract prose? Or you'd prefer a simple statement that is to the point and conveys exactly what you are want to say? This also true for the points you are trying to make in the passages.

As an example, instead of

Quote:
Though I won’t disagree completely with others, I will rather state and agree to the above given issue that personal traits that make a good leader are formed during one's childhood days and youth , formal training can only refine it.


You can say something simple like "I strongly believe that true leadership potential is developed during childhood and youth."


2. I usually don't pay a lot of attention the spellings, punctuations and formatting but there are a lot of them here. Also, I'm assuming you mean "influential" and not "influencive". My only advice is to be simple. If you are unsure of the word, don't use it. If I had to choose between using big words that I was unsure of over simple words that don't show off my vocabulary skills, I'd use the former any day. Practice writing formally, even if it means you write less. You don't want "i" in your essay.

3. Finally, to your arguments. My only concern is that you are mixing them. The point about an MBA in the first passage seems to be out of place, I think the second passage is probably a better place for it. An easy approach for a passage on the issues essays I learned is to 1) state your argument 2) followup with an example that supports your argument. That's it. Provide 2-3 such passages and you're golden.

In any case, this was a great effort. Hopefully my comments are helpful.

Keep practicing!!
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Re: views on this issue [#permalink]
AWA ESSAYS: Analyze Issues
ESSAY QUESTION:
“The mission of a university is to educate its students. Therefore, a professor’s pay and promotions should be based primarily on students’ evaluations of his or her courses.”

Discuss the extent to which you agree or disagree with the opinion stated above. Support your views with reasons and/or examples from your own experience, observations, or reading.

YOUR RESPONSE:
professor's pay and promotion should be based primarily on the students' evaluation of his or her courses since the main goal of an university is to educate its students.
many of others might disagree with the issue raised her. to a extent i agree with the the view mentioned here.

a student and a professor must have a direct interface relationship without a third party involvement.
the university hiers standard level of professors paying them higher pay and providing them promotions but it may be possible that despite being a high level professor he is incapable to create a student- teacher interface . thus making it difficult for students to learn anything.

for instance, in my college, we had an economics professor and on the other hand a business management teacher. the only difference the two had was the level of interface drawn by them with students. we gave more of the credits to our economis professor since we were able to learn more from him compare to the other. the economice professor knew our requirement and thus deliverd the lectures as per our base of knowledge not just to finish up the course for the sake of exams.
because of the same reason the economics teacher had higher preferrence in the college in the eyes of every individual

secondly, to prove my point here, i want to convey that its a student who has to learn and its the professor who has to deliver knowledge, so why not to delegate the power of evaluating a professors reputation by students on some level not entirely. the sateity of gaining anythng lies with the students when they are satisfied with the professor definitely the professor is successful in creating that interface.
if the teacher is keen to make his students learn something new or different, a student cannot stop himself to listen and learn from that teacher.

in conclusion , i would state that a student must be given the opportunity to evaluate the pay and promotion of a profesor to the extent of how much that teacher is satifying a student's need in his course, so that a student can have higher chance of learning because then the professor has to work to satisfy his students not the dean who doesnt require to sit in his class.
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Re: views on this issue [#permalink]
There is a definite improvement over the last one. It is clear what you are trying to convey and your examples are relevant.

The main recommendation I have is same as the last one, try writing more formally. Especially since you have very few days left. It would be extremely difficult to write a formal essay on the day of the exam if you haven't practiced writing formally before. By formally I mean, proper capitalization, focusing more on spelling mistakes and punctuations.

Keep practicing!!!
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Re: views on this issue [#permalink]
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