Few things I can think of after reading the response
1. Be
very clear in what you are trying to say. As I understand, you are trying to agree with the issue. Be clear. State that in short simple statements things you want convey. Imagine being a reader yourself, think about what would you prefer reading on a technical essay. Would you prefer an abstract prose? Or you'd prefer a simple statement that is to the point and conveys exactly what you are want to say? This also true for the points you are trying to make in the passages.
As an example, instead of
Quote:
Though I won’t disagree completely with others, I will rather state and agree to the above given issue that personal traits that make a good leader are formed during one's childhood days and youth , formal training can only refine it.
You can say something simple like
"I strongly believe that true leadership potential is developed during childhood and youth."2. I usually don't pay a lot of attention the spellings, punctuations and formatting but there are a lot of them here. Also, I'm assuming you mean "influential" and not "influencive". My only advice is to be simple. If you are unsure of the word, don't use it. If I had to choose between using big words that I was unsure of over simple words that don't show off my vocabulary skills, I'd use the former any day. Practice writing formally, even if it means you write less. You don't want "i" in your essay.
3. Finally, to your arguments. My only concern is that you are mixing them. The point about an MBA in the first passage seems to be out of place, I think the second passage is probably a better place for it. An easy approach for a passage on the issues essays I learned is to 1) state your argument 2) followup with an example that supports your argument. That's it. Provide 2-3 such passages and you're golden.
In any case, this was a great effort. Hopefully my comments are helpful.
Keep practicing!!