this is the end my only friend

Hi all!

I always wanted to post a message in this forum starting with some usual phrases of top guys here, such as a “long journey to 700club” or an “awesome final”, but now I think I never will. This is a dead end. This is my cri de coeur. Apologies, if the story is too long.
It's almost a year I've been studying this crazy piece of.... Some time ago I was thinking that the only obstacle on my way to a top notch bschool is the financing issue and that I need to accumulate some money first. I did not take the test seriously after I looked through several books I had found a few years ago on one of my friend's bookshelfs. And I was planning to spend two months at most on the test, spending a few hours between the gym and surfing i-net on weekends. I could not even imagine what I would have to face and what a nightmare my weekends would become as soon as I’m engaged with this monstrous bastard.

Loosing virginity. I spent a few months doing OGs and other materials I’ve found across the inet thinking that the GMATprep software is tougher than the real test just to prepare you morally for the real life before my first attempt that came to be the second most striking moment of truth for me since the finding in my distant childhood that no Santa really exists. After getting a wretched 560 (with q-40 v-smth) I strolled home. I understood that the test is not what I was thinking of it to be and it will be a real challenge.

2nd abuse. I started to prepare like a shaolin monk for the kung-fu tournament. I joined the local courses. I downloaded and purchased all of the main books. I did all OGs once again a few times. 3,5 months of nightmare. Before the test I burned a 2 week vacation leaving my home ONLY twice or thrice for maximum 20 minutes. I decided not to do gprep before the test as I had learned all of the questions and it was hardly productive. I went to the test with charged batteries and high moral stance but was kicked in the face again with the result of 640(q42 v 36). I’m not a slug but I was not able to get out of bed for a whole weekend after the test so discouraged I was. But I decided not to give up and give another try.

3rd abuse. It was the beginning of summer-usually not very work-intensive period when I recovered from my 2nd fault after 3-4 weeks of trying to fix certain breaches in my sinking social life boat.
The whole summer was burnt. No tan, no swimming, no grasshoppers, no weekends, no nothing. Just work and Gbastard in the intervals or more correctly work in the intervals. I’ve studied all of the available materials I found useful. Mainly Manhattan math guides, Manhattan SC, Powerscore reasoning, did all 1000 RC, 1000CR, 1000SC guides, studied the major part of this and other major forum’s explanations, took private tutors and bought online CATs. After losing almost all of composure I took the test…..and was whipped by GBastard for the 3rd time. I wonder what stopped me from breaking the monitor and crushing the chairs in the testcenter together with beating the instructors. That was like a total, pure, concentrated madness. Again 640 (with the same q42 v 36) score. More than three months of non-stop preparation and no change at all. WTF?

Aftermath. I’m almost done with the test and the dream to ever reach a top league as I think that I will never be able to get a positive score. I don’t even think that there is any reason to start an application process with such abysmal score. I don’t know what to do as it is very uneasy to throw all this efforts away but I don’t have any more tolerance and motivation to proceed. Am I too dumb, too non-native speaker with a total lack of quant skills, verbal skills and poor reasoning? Am I too old for such a brain quizzes? (I’m 30 y.o.) I was trying to improve quant score very hard, but no matter how hard I tried I was not able to improve my timing even though I could crack all of the problems.
THE GMAT DID ME!