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Please Grade my AWA

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Please Grade my AWA [#permalink] New post 15 Sep 2013, 08:32
The following appeared as part of an article in a business magazine.
"A recent study rating 300 male and female of Mentian advertising executives according to it, the average number of hours they sleep per night showed an association between the amount of sleep the executives need and the success of their firms. Of the advertising firms studied, those whose executives reported needing no more than 6 hours of sleep per night had higher profit margins and faster growth. These results suggest that if a business wants to prosper, it should hire only people who need less than 6 hours of sleep per night."
Write a response in which you examine the stated and/or unstated assumptions of the argument. Be sure to explain how the argument depends on these assumptions and what the implications are for the argument if the assumptions prove unwarranted.


Based on a recent study conducted on 300 executives, the argument suggests that if a business wants to prosper, it should hire people who need less than 6 hours of sleep per night. But, the argument makes some unwarranted assumptions which do not hold true in all cases. Some of the argument’s fallacies are discussed below.
The argument is flawed as it suggests advertising firms to hire its employees who need less than 6 hours of sleep per night. Sleep is not an indication of performance in all individuals. The 300 executives studied do not ensure that all executives are of same calibre. For example, a smart and skilled employee can complete his work in a shorter period. Thus, he may get to reach home early after work, by completing his work or duties before the assigned time. This in turn can increase the sleep hours of that particular employee as he gets more free hours after work.
In addition, the argument assumes higher profit margins for an advertising firm, if it employs executives who need no more than 6 hours of sleep. Profit or favorable returns of any advertising firm depends on the number of projects it has executed and also the revenue of each project. An advertising firm with higher number of projects can generate more revenue, regardless of whether the firm’s employees sleep for lesser hours or not.
Moreover, the number of employees working in the firm plays a crucial role in profit margins. A firm with more employees can get the work done in quick time. This directly reflects on the sleep hours of the employees. Work can be shared among a considerable number of employees, and this leads to much more efficient and fast execution of the work. This may result in a decrease in the number of work hours of its executives.
On summing up the above points, it is not possible to conclude that an advertising firm’s success depends on the sleep hours of its employees. A detailed analysis of the assumptions made by the argument shows that a firm can be successful without restrictions made regarding the section of its executives.
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Re: Please Grade my AWA [#permalink] New post 16 Sep 2013, 15:27
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I would grade this essay a 3.5 or 4. It has the basic structure and organization necessary and has three main points of discussion. However, each point could be explained better - with options given for the author to improve the argument and a clear analysis of what it means that the information is missing or an incorrect assumption.

Also, this essay has some minor idiom issues and the wording of the introduction and conclusions are slightly awkward.
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Re: Please Grade my AWA   [#permalink] 16 Sep 2013, 15:27
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