Re: Experts: Can you please review my Essay and provide me with feedback
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27 Nov 2015, 09:17
Can anyone check my essay?please...i write on Thursday!
AWA
The following appeared as part of a memorandum from the loan department of the Frostbite National Bank: “We should not approve the business loan application of the local group that wants to open a franchise outlet for the Kool Kone chain of ice cream parlors. Frostbite is known for its cold winters, and cold weather can mean slow ice cream sales. For example, even though Frostbite is a town of 10,000 people, it has only one ice cream spot—the Frigid Cow. Despite the lack of competition, the Frigid Cow’s net revenues fell by 10 percent last winter.”
Response
In this memorandum,the arguer claims that the Frostbite National Bank should not approve loans for people who want to open a franchise outlet for the Kool Kone.To support this claim,the arguer points out that Frostbite’s weather is very cold during winter which leads to reduced sales during these months.However,close inspection of the argument reveals several logical problems which render the argument unconvincing as it stands.
First,the whole argument is based on the cold winter that Frostbite experiences and that does not help to increase the sales of ice creams.But,ice creams are more popular during spring and summer.However, the arguer does not provide any information about the sales during these months.
Second,the author supports that net revenues of the only ice cream spot at the region fell by 10 percent last winter.He also mentions that there is lack of competition but he does not clarify if there are other ice cream spots in the near villages.Moreover, it would be essential that he provide us with information about the sales and the revenues of the Frigid Cow during the whole year.If the revenues of the Frigid Cow were increased during the summer months,then the bank would approve the loan.But if the ice cream spot experienced drop to net revenues during these months,then the loan department of the bank most probably would decline the loan.
In conclusion,the argument is not well-founded.To strengthen it,this arguer would have to provide information regarding the sales and the revenues of the current ice cream spot and how far there is the next ice cream spot.However,without such information the arguer’s reasoning does not provide concrete support for;certainly it does not constitute an elaborate proof of the conclusion,which,thus,renders the argument unconvincing.