Request for feedback on my AWA
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04 Jan 2014, 17:56
Hello, here is my attempt for the AWA in GRE.
Could I request feedback?
Any suggestion to improve would be helpful.
Thank you .
Prompt: People's attitudes are determined more by their immediate situation or surroundings than by society as a whole.
Write a response in which you discuss the extent to which you agree or disagree with the statement and
explain your reasoning for the position you take. In developing and supporting your position,
you should consider ways in which the statement might or might not hold true
and explain how these considerations shape your position.
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There are many things that can affect people's attitudes. People sometimes change attitudes by self-realization, or by some other factors.
In this paper, I will argue that people's attitudes are determined more by their immediate situations or surroundings than by
society as a whole.
People changes their attitudes based on what they are doing. For example, people change their behaviors when they need to present
something to crowd at work. In order to present materials effectively- whatever that might be - presenter shows that they have confidence and the source is credible.
When they come back once the presentation is over, sometimes, the presenter no longer needs to have as much confidence as he had in presentation because that wasn't
his/her natural characteristics.
In addition, young children learn how to behave from the first time from situations. For example, when a child breaks a cup of glass in the house while he/she is dining,
they learn that they shouldn't touch or play with the broken glasses from parents, assuming that the parents tell them to not touch the broken glass.
The child also learns to apologize after breaking the glass from parents when he/she breaks the glass.
Furthermore, people often change their attitudes based on who they are with. For example, a young boy may act more playful and merrily when he is with
his friends than when he is with his family if his/her parents are authoritative.
Nevertheless, in some cases, society can has some impact on people's attitudes. For instance, North Korea demands people to worship the dictator, Kim JeongEun. It is set by the society to worship him.
Otherwise, people will be sentenced to death. In such cases, their attitudes are shaped by the society.
To sum up, people's attitudes are determined more by their immediate situations or surroundings than by
society as a whole.
Prompt:
Fifteen years ago, Omega University implemented a new procedure that encouraged students to evaluate the teaching effectiveness of all
their professors. Since that time, Omega professors have begun to assign higher grades in their classes, and overall student grade averages
at Omega have risen by 30 percent. Potential employers, looking at this dramatic rise in grades, believe that grades at Omega are inflated and
do not accurately reflect student achievement; as a result, Omega graduates have not been as successful at getting jobs as have graduates from nearby
Alpha University. To enable its graduates to secure better jobs, Omega University should terminate student evaluation of professors.
Write a response in which you discuss what specific evidence is needed to evaluate the argument and explain how the evidence would weaken or
strengthen the argument.
The argument that Omega university should terminate student evaluation of professors to enable its graduates to secure better jobs must be looked more closely by examing several
assumptions.
First, the argument assumes that there is a direct causal effect of increase in higher grades due to the student evaluation. However, we need
evidences whether it is really student evaluation that is causing the higher grades. That is, we need to examine whether the student grades jump up
when the student evaluation is introduced. It could be due to the fact that professors teaching effectiveness has increased because of motivation that the evaluation provides to the professor.
Then, professors would try to teach more effectively, which would help students to perform better. This would undermine the argument that the student evaluation was the cause of increase in grades.
Additionally, potential employers assume that the increase in grades is inflated without checking the student performance actually increasing.
If the students scores are increasing due to the fact that the students in Omega University perform better, there is no reason for potential employers to choose Alpha University. This would
then actually help Omega University's students to secure jobs. Therefore, it may be wise to focus on proving that whether the students are actually performing better than rashly terminating student evaluation.
Moreover, Omega University believes that upon terminating the student evaluation, grades inflation will diminish and the potential employers will select students from Omega university just
as fifteen years ago. It could be that Omega university students already have lost credibility and even if the evaluation is terminated, the potential employers may well continue to select from Alpha
university. Then, it doesn't make sense that Omega University should terminate student evaluation of professors.
Overall, there are many issues that needed be examined before Omega University terminates student evaluation of professors. Without checking above evidences, graduates may continue to suffer from securing jobs compared to Alpha University even if the student evaluation is terminated.