Sajjad1994 - could you please grade my essay below?
The argument concludes that if parents want to have the best camp experience for their children, they should choose no one but Federville Farms. The arguments backs this conclusion/claim by the its achievements of certain rankings in specific measures such as camper satisfaction, food quality, outdoor activities, etc.
While it has certain merits, the argument stated in this way lacks concrete reasoning and showcases examples of leap of faith and ill-reasoning to completely airtight the argument presented. The argument is currently unconvincing and needs to omits certain gaps to substantiate the claims, thereby not distorting the reality.
Firstly, the argument readily assumes the yardsticks that the parents would deam most important while selecting a summer camp for their children. It goes on to assume that there would be no parameter other than the ones mentioned in the argument that would be taken into considerations by the parents while choosing a summer camp for their childeren. The arguments omit all possibilities or certain other factors that the parents or the children might deem most important such as cost of the summer camp, duration of the summer camp, proximity to their homes, the time required to pick up and drop their children at the summer camp, etc.
Secondly, the argument further distorts the definition of "best camp experience" which could differ from one child to another. What if the wide variety of activities offered by Federville Farms do not overlap with what most children or parents seek, thereby removing any possibility of "best camp experience"
Thirdly, the argument claims that the Federville Farms would provide the best child safety to children because of the presence of more number of Red Cross certified lifeguards. However, the argument would be compromised if the number of guards is not sufficient enough to ensure the safety of the total number of children that come to attend the summer camp. Whilst having more number of guards is cardinal, it is equally necessary to ensure that there exists an optimal distribution for these guards versus the children that come for summer camp. The argument does not present any evidence to make these claims convincing.
Therefore, the aforementioned gaps need to be addressed by the argument in order to bolster the claims it pertains to make.
Finally, the argument would be strengthened if there are enough evidences to prove that Federville Farms offer exactly what is deemed most important by parents thereby proving claims of best camp experience. The argument would strengthen more if Federville Farms shows enough reasons to prove that i will be able to continue its past track record.
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27 Jun 2014, 15:12
