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Please Help to Rate My First Essay from GMAT Write#2

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Please Help to Rate My First Essay from GMAT Write#2 [#permalink] New post 02 Mar 2013, 04:23
Hi all,

I will be taking my first GMAT test next week. I have had very little time in preparing for the AWA, since I am focusing more on the Quant and Verbal. As I am afraid that I will not get a good score on the AWA, I bought a GMAT Write (#2) to help me prepare for the essay. For $29.99, I get 2 essays, and each essay can be attempted twice. I think the subscription is only valid for 6 months. Has anyone tried using the GMAT Write before? Is this accurate?

Anyway, I've only tried the first essay. And since the test does not have any time limit, I used stopwatch to time the 30-minute supposed length. And here is the question (I hope I'm not sharing any copyrighted material):

The following appeared in a memorandum from the director of research and development at Ready-to-Ware, a software engineering firm.

"The package of benefits and incentives that Ready-to-Ware offers to professional staff is too costly. Our quarterly profits have declined since the package was introduced two years ago, at the time of our incorporation. Moreover, the package had little positive effect, as we have had only marginal success in recruiting and training high-quality professional staff. To become more profitable again, Ready-to-Ware should, therefore, offer the reduced benefits package that was in place two years ago and use the savings to fund our current research and development initiatives."

Discuss how well reasoned you find this argument. In your discussion be sure to analyze the line of reasoning and the use of evidence in the argument. For example, you may need to consider what questionable assumptions underlie the thinking and what alternative explanations or counterexamples might weaken the conclusion. You can also discuss what sort of evidence would strengthen or refute the argument, what changes in the argument would make it more logically sound, and what, if anything, would help you better evaluate its conclusion.



Please note that this is my first time actually trying to write the AWA essay. I've provided the spoiler for the score that GMAT Write gave me. Please help to and rate and give feedback. Here is my essay:

The director of research and development at Ready-toWare software engineering firm plans to replace the current package of benefits and incentives to professional staff with the reduced benefits package that was in place to years ago to become more profitable again. This argument is flawed and is based on weak assumptions.

First, the director argues that the quarterly profits of the company have declined since the package was introduced two years ago. However, the director does not explain how the current package is directly responsible to the decline in the company's profit. There could be many other reasons that can cause the decline of the company's profit, such as economic recession, decline in sales, and increase of competitions. If the director can explain the strong correlation between the costs of the package and the decline of the company's profit, the argument could be more strengthened.

Second, the director mentions that the package has had little positive effect, because the company had only little success in recruiting and training high-quality staff. The director fails to considers other factors that could contribute to the success of staff recruitment and training. It is possible that external professional staff does not know about the current benefits package that the company offers, thus explains the marginal success in recruitment. As for the marginal success in training high-quality professional staff, it is possible that the training provided to the employee is bad in quality. Therefore, the director's claim that the package had little positive effect is not based on strong evidence.

Third, the director suggests that the savings from replacing the current package to the old package can be used to fund the current research and development initiatives of the company, thus increasing the company's profit. Again, the director fails to provides strong examples of how the research and development initiatives can increase company's profit. It could be that the research and development do not produce any useful result or that they cost more, thus reducing company's profit.

In sum, the director's argument to replace the current benefits package in order to become more profitable is flawed. The argument can be strengthened considerably if the director can provides concrete examples and proofs as to how the current benefits package impacts company's profit negatively and how the replacement package can make the company more profitable again.

[Reveal] Spoiler: The GMAT Write Score
Here is the rate given by the GMAT Write:
Total Score 5
Analyzes the issue 5
Supports ideas 5
Organizes a coherent idea 5
Language control 5


Thank you so much!
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Please Help to Rate My First Essay from GMAT Write#2   [#permalink] 02 Mar 2013, 04:23
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Please Help to Rate My First Essay from GMAT Write#2

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