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Please rate my AWA my GMAT is in 2 weeks times

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Intern
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Joined: 21 Dec 2013
Posts: 21
Concentration: General Management, Technology
WE: Project Management (Computer Software)
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Kudos [?]: 9 [0], given: 20

Please rate my AWA my GMAT is in 2 weeks times [#permalink] New post 04 Apr 2014, 16:07
Dear Forum members,

Will appreciate if you can provide your feedback and rating for my 4th AWA. This was the topic published in the GMAT prep test. My previous AWA can be seen at -
please-rate-my-first-awa-165915.html
please-rate-my-2nd-awa-167236.html#p1329320
please-rate-my-awa-169085.html

Argument - Following appeared in the article published in the magazine.
In general, people are not as concerned as they were a decade ago about regulating their intake of red meat and fatty cheeses. Walk into Heart's Delight, a store that started selling organic fruits and vegetables and whole-grain flours in the 1960's, and you will also find a wide selection of cheeses made with high butterfat content. Next door, the owners of the Good Earth Cafe, an old vegetarian restaurant, are still making a modest living, but the owners of the new House of Beef across the street are millionaires.
=================================xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx==================================
The article in the magazine suggests that over last decade people's dietery intake of red meat and fatty cheese has increased. While making this conclusion, article provides evidences of Heart Delight store and Vegeterian restaurant to support the conclusion.

Firstly, article suggests that people intake of red meat and fatty cheese increased over last decade. Article provides information about organic fruits and vegetables and whole-grain flour store to support this conclusion. It mentions that this store though primarily provides food items that are organic and presumably improves the dietary habbits of the people, even then, it has wide variety of cheeses that have high butterfat content. As the store has been in operating since 1960, it would be important to know since when the food items with high butterfat content were introduced. It could be possible that these items were part of the store's offering since it's inception and is not a recent phenomenon. Hence, based on the information provided it cannot be concluded that change in dietary habbits is a recent phenomenon.

Secondly, the article provides comparision betweeen old Vegetarian restaurant and the new House of Beef as evidence to support the argument's conclusion. Article infers that difference in income level of owners of these two restaurants suggests that people have increased red meat consumption over last decade. While making this claim, argument fails to consider following factors. It could be possible that income level of the owners of new House of Beef is not high only because it serves meat instead the restaurant may be part of chain of restaurants that is highly successful and the owners income is not limited only to this restaurant. Similarly, the modest income of Veg restaurant could be due to the quality of food served, staleness in the menu, poor service, etc. Also, the article compares the restaurants that are opened in different time periods which does not help to draw the conclusion mentioned in the argument. Hence, the evidence provided does not strengthen the conclusion.

Overall, the argument draws the conclusion based on two specific examples. The conclusion could be strengthen if the argument had mentioned information that can be generalised and provides a trend across the community over a period of time. Using 2 specific examples provide information that may not be true to arrive at the conclusion that over last decade people dietery intake of red meat and fatty cheese has increased.

In summary, arguments conclusion is based on two evidences that do not substanstiate and strengthen the argument.
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Re: Please rate my AWA my GMAT is in 2 weeks times [#permalink] New post 06 Apr 2014, 03:45
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Hi Epex,

The content of the essay is good. There are some points where you can improve
1. The introduction should include a brief view of the main reasons such as fallacious asuumptions, incorrect analogies.
2. The introduction must also mention that the evidence is unable to support the conclusion.
3. The conclusion must be a recap of all that is mentioned. It MUST also have some suggestions to improve the arguments.

Hope that helps. In the present scenario, you would get 5, but after using the suggestions, you can easily get a 6.

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Re: Please rate my AWA my GMAT is in 2 weeks times [#permalink] New post 07 Apr 2014, 02:34
PerfectScores wrote:
Hi Epex,

The content of the essay is good. There are some points where you can improve
1. The introduction should include a brief view of the main reasons such as fallacious asuumptions, incorrect analogies.
2. The introduction must also mention that the evidence is unable to support the conclusion.
3. The conclusion must be a recap of all that is mentioned. It MUST also have some suggestions to improve the arguments.

Hope that helps. In the present scenario, you would get 5, but after using the suggestions, you can easily get a 6.



Thanks a lot for your feedback. Will work on the points mentioned by you.
Re: Please rate my AWA my GMAT is in 2 weeks times   [#permalink] 07 Apr 2014, 02:34
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