AWA sample: Personal example

Hi guys,

I have written below AWA essay. Just want to know how much score the below format can fetch ? Can anyone help ?

“Over time, the costs of processing go down because as organizations learn how to do things better, they become more efficient. In colour film processing, for example, the cost of a 3-by-5-inch print fell from 50 cents for five-day service in 1970 to 20 cents for one-day service in 1984. The same principle applies to the processing of food. And since Olympic Foods will soon celebrate its 25th birthday, we can expect that our long experience will enable us to minimize costs and thus maximize profits.”

The paragraph starts with the assumption that cost of processing always goes down over time due to operational improvement. The author put forth some example to support his assumption. And based on the assumption, the author concludes that since Olympic food is reaching 25th year, they will also be able to minimize cost.

In my view, the basic assumption made by the author is flawed, because of following reasons –
1) Author has not fully evaluated the various factors impacting cost of processing - Cost of processing depends on many factor such as machine cost, labor cost, cost of consumables used for processing, usage of technology, operational efficiency etc. Improvement in operational efficiency alone doesn’t guarantee lower processing cost. Also, in order to compare two cost data at different timeline, we must also consider information on inflation and other macro-economic factors.
2) The examples used by author to support his assumption are insufficient to do so. The reduction in cost of colour film processing and food processing can be attributable to many factors stated before and doesn’t conclude that processing cost is reduced because of improvement in operational efficiency.
3) Improvement in processing cost doesn’t happen automatically over time. Lots of efforts toward improvement of all the factors mentioned above results into this improvement. If those efforts are not put, the improvement will not happen.
4) A particular trend in film processing industry may not be applicable for any other industry like food industry.

Because of the above stated reasons, concluding that Olympic food will also be able to minimize cost, only because they have spent 25 years in the industry is unjustifiable. In order to have any such view, author must evaluate whether Olympic food has improved their performance over time or not. Also, processing cost is only one element of the cost. There could be possibility that even with decrease in processing cost, the cost of product increases due to increase in higher raw material cost, high inflation, higher supply chain cost etc. Therefore, the data on these parameters also need to presented and evaluated.