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gaurav05nov
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gaurav05nov
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gaurav05nov
Yes I had that in mind while typing the essay. I intentionally did that to create a different flow in the essay.
Apart that obvious mistake how do u rate my essay? And if possible, point out the mistakes i made.. :)

Honestly, I wasn't sure that was an error. I was just asking for my knowledge.

I am not sure what makes one essay better than another essay. Is it grammar? style?
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mobab
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GMAT 1: 650 Q37 V27
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The author concludes that electronic game rating system is not working compared to the movie rating system. He gives reasoning for the argument by stating that electronic companies ability to self manage and regulate the rating system is part of the problem. Author also gives reason for what needs to be done in order for electronic rating system to work, but his reasons are weak. In the next few paragraphs, I will explain why the author’s reasons are weak and what could strengthen the argument.

First, the author mentions that by hiring an independent company to oversee the operation of the electronic rating system would solve the issue. This big assumption that author makes here is that he assumes independent company would do a better job in rating games than electronic game companies themselves. If the electronic gaming companies had a better understanding on how to improve, they might themselves do a better job than independent company to oversee the ratings.

Second, the author mentions that if an electronic company violates the rating system rule, then the penalty would be to prohibit that company from releasing any games for two years. This is another weak point the makes to support his argument because if the electronic company regular product-life cycle is to release each gave every two years, this penalty wouldn’t hurt the company at all. Also, there is not way of assessing how many year of prohibition would be adequate.

Author could have strengthen his argument, if he provided some data point such as from the movie industry to defend this stance that making independent company oversee and prohibition of movie release actually worked in the long-run. Perhaps, some research data that showed making these changes would actually work, would benefit the author’s overall argument stance.

Therefore, the author’s argument that electronic game rating system is not working is weak. Both of the points he made regarding independent company oversee and violation penalty are weak without data showing that it might work.
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AWA Score: 5 out of 6

Coherence and connectivity: 3.5/5
This rating corresponds to the flow of ideas and expressions from one paragraph to another. The effective use of connectives and coherence of assertive language in arguing for/against the argument is analyzed. This is deemed as one of the most important parameters.

Paragraph structure and formation: 4.5/5
The structure and division of the attempt into appropriate paragraphs are evaluated. To score well on this parameter, it is important to organize the attempt into paragraphs. Preferable to follow the convention of leaving a line blank at the end of each paragraph, to make the software aware of the structure of the essay.

Vocabulary and word expression: 4.5/5
This parameter rates the submitted essay on the range of relevant vocabulary possessed by the candidate basis the word and expression usage. There are no extra- points for bombastic word usage. Simple is the best form of suave!

Good Luck

mobab
The author concludes that electronic game rating system is not working compared to the movie rating system. He gives reasoning for the argument by stating that electronic companies ability to self manage and regulate the rating system is part of the problem. Author also gives reason for what needs to be done in order for electronic rating system to work, but his reasons are weak. In the next few paragraphs, I will explain why the author’s reasons are weak and what could strengthen the argument.

First, the author mentions that by hiring an independent company to oversee the operation of the electronic rating system would solve the issue. This big assumption that author makes here is that he assumes independent company would do a better job in rating games than electronic game companies themselves. If the electronic gaming companies had a better understanding on how to improve, they might themselves do a better job than independent company to oversee the ratings.

Second, the author mentions that if an electronic company violates the rating system rule, then the penalty would be to prohibit that company from releasing any games for two years. This is another weak point the makes to support his argument because if the electronic company regular product-life cycle is to release each gave every two years, this penalty wouldn’t hurt the company at all. Also, there is not way of assessing how many year of prohibition would be adequate.

Author could have strengthen his argument, if he provided some data point such as from the movie industry to defend this stance that making independent company oversee and prohibition of movie release actually worked in the long-run. Perhaps, some research data that showed making these changes would actually work, would benefit the author’s overall argument stance.

Therefore, the author’s argument that electronic game rating system is not working is weak. Both of the points he made regarding independent company oversee and violation penalty are weak without data showing that it might work.
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