Well, the subject says it all. I "f" up! I have to admit early on here that I am a chronic procrastinator and this has screwed my MBA dream, caused trouble in my marriage. Why to mention this? Most of us suffer from procrastination and I thought I should save someone while I can. Maybe in that process save myself (selfish, I know
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My MBA dream started way way back, when owning an IPod was still cool, year 2008. Yeah its 2018 and what the hell I am still doing here?! You will see why.
NOTE: You will need to gather some patience, courage and popcorn(if you are person who enjoys reality TV) to completely read this. But mostly courage. Because I am going to show you how a procrastinator f's up his career in its raw format. You might see lot of resentment in my post but its needed, to drive in the message. Have you seen A Christmas Carol movie? If yes, imagine me as a ghost of Jacob Marley which visit's Scrooge and warns him what might happen to him if he continues his business! Also, I need your help in taking some decisions in the next few months.
Because I believe every man can redeem himself from his wrongs if he tries hard enough.My background: I belong to IIM(Indian IT Male) and 34 years old. Not that great career and education. Excellent! I am already in dangerous waters. But what to do, the heart wants what the heart wants. Thats why they say if you have dreams then you have to back them up with hard work and not write a post about it after you are done screwing it
What did I do wrong? I took one GMAT in 2010 and scored a disastrous 350. I am not bright in these kind of tests. After that I have never been able to give GMAT due to fear of failure, lack of seriousness and chronic procrastination that followed. I have postponed the exam which I scheduled on Tuesday, Apr 12, 2011 to Sep 3, 2018 counting up to 89 times!!! I know, its horrible. That's why I said you need courage to read this and still have something nice to say to me
Its funny GMAC does not have a limit to re-schedule. I am going to write an email to them about this(hypocrite).
GMAT prep was here and there without seriousness. But last year it hit me bad and I started studying seriously. I got up to 610 in my practice tests. Not really putting effort and paid the price for it. I screwed up and did not write the GMAT in 2017. Could not do it at all. Some genuine excuses but mostly lame. My procrastination had won big time. My applications were left without any attempts.
I found Empower GMAT very late around Jan 2018. I felt Empower is awesome and its structured. This helps procrastinators like me big time. I seriously swear by this course but its too damn costly. I can afford only 1 month, after wasting too much money on GMAT I dont want to spend anymore. Apps were about to finish when I found it and my apps went down without even a fight. I had all the schools list and all that jazz but without a GMAT score what good is that?!
So why do I want to do an MBA? I really want to be in renewable energy consulting. I wanted to be part of a team that is solving on of the biggest problems. Now not sure how to do that. I thought MBA would let me transition in to that industry. I am IT and I like my job but dont love it. After learning about climate change and seeing lot of documentaries, that's the thing I want to do. Thats why there is so much heartache knowing I am not even close to this dream.
What to do now? I have taken exam date on Sep 3rd 2018. I have 4 months to prep. My GMAT content knowledge is improving but not very good that is needed to improve my applications. So I will be taking a 1 month Empower after 3 months of prep from now. I was thinking of applying to ISB in October if I get more than 700. But that is too tough and with my history that looks nearly impossible. Thats why this post to see if there is any hope.
Why did I post it here? I wanted to start a conversation on Procrastination that will be troubling so many members here. Procrastination not only affects GMAT but it will creep into your other life and mess with you in so many ways. You will be doing it without even knowing it. I will share here some of the posts that have helped me to recover from this disease. Yes, this is a disease. I am not ashamed of it. This f ing thing will destroy your potential if you let it go on like this. You dont want to hate it, be careful here. This is part of your thought process and you dont want to passive aggressive it to submission. It will not work. You have to accept that you are procrastinating too much. The only way you can beat it is with discipline and compassion towards yourself. Here are some of the blogs that are awesome and have helped me.
1.
https://waitbutwhy.com/2013/10/why-procrastinators-procrastinate.html This website it so cool and informative. It will blow your mind. Just read some of the posts and you will know.
2.
https://blog.iqmatrix.com/consistency-in-actionWell, that was my story of failure in MBA journey. I have not given up hope because I really dont want to be in IT for the rest of my life and renewable energy is exciting to me. But I also know with this history, I need to come up with a kickass GMAT score to have any little chance. I am counting on you guys to shine some light on this situation. I want to know how we can prep this application so that it has a better chance of acceptance. Remember I am Indian IT Male, 34 years and nothing great to put in my career. So obviously top 30 or 40 US schools are gone I think. ISB is hard hard target to hit. I am lost and need some light. Hope you guys will be as frank and practical as possible when you suggest anything.
Sorry, if this has made you little sad. Cant help it, it is what it is.
PS: I thought I will keep adding list of self help links or techniques to beat the procrastinator in you or the "insta-grat" monkey:
1.
https://waitbutwhy.com/2013/10/why-procrastinators-procrastinate.html 2.
https://blog.iqmatrix.com/consistency-in-action 3. Always exercise, start slow and watch it buildup by itself. Studies have shown that it will increase the will power.
4. If you have a habit of day dreaming of having achieved your dreams, then STOP that now! This creates a false sense of achievement to your procrastinating brain!
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Updated on: 07 Jun 2018, 07:17
