GMAT Question of the Day - Daily to your Mailbox; hard ones only

It is currently 18 Sep 2018, 18:56

Close

GMAT Club Daily Prep

Thank you for using the timer - this advanced tool can estimate your performance and suggest more practice questions. We have subscribed you to Daily Prep Questions via email.

Customized
for You

we will pick new questions that match your level based on your Timer History

Track
Your Progress

every week, we’ll send you an estimated GMAT score based on your performance

Practice
Pays

we will pick new questions that match your level based on your Timer History

Not interested in getting valuable practice questions and articles delivered to your email? No problem, unsubscribe here.

Close

Request Expert Reply

Confirm Cancel

Can someone please rate my essay please?

  new topic post reply Question banks Downloads My Bookmarks Reviews Important topics  
Author Message
Intern
Intern
avatar
B
Joined: 24 Aug 2018
Posts: 4
Can someone please rate my essay please?  [#permalink]

Show Tags

New post 24 Aug 2018, 02:51
Thank you so much in advance!!! This is my first try.

“People who use the artificial sweetener aspartame are better off consuming sugar, since aspartame can actually contribute to weight gain rather than weight loss. For example, high levels of aspartame have been shown to trigger a craving for food by depleting the brain of a chemical that registers satiety, or the sense of being full. Furthermore, studies suggest that sugars, if consumed after at least 45 minutes of continuous exercise, actually enhance the body’s ability to burn fat. Consequently, those who drink aspartame-sweetened juices after exercise will also lose this calorie-burning benefit. Thus, it appears that people consuming aspartame rather than sugar are unlikely to achieve their dietary goals.”

The argument states that people are better off consuming sugar instead of aspartame, an artificial sweetener, due to sugar’s advantages in weight loss. However, this argument is flawed because the author of the statement makes unfounded assumptions to make his claim and draws conclusions that are only unilaterally considered.

First, the author wrongly assumes that the primary goal of consuming aspartame (or sugar as a matter of fact) is the weight loss. However, there might be reasons other than weight loss that factor into people’s decision to use the artificial sweetener. For example, people simply might prefer the flavor of the artificial sweetener over that of sugar; people might find the artificial sweetener generally more affordable than sugar, hence leading them to make a cost-conscious decision; some people might be allergic to sugar, therefore choosing to consume a similar alternative. The author of the argument makes his claim that people are better off consuming sugar than aspartame failed to evaluate people’s consumption choice other than from the weight loss perspective. Therefore, his argument is flawed and cannot be taken seriously.

Second, the author fails to consider that there might be reasons other than sugar/ artificial sweetener consumption that affect weight gain or loss. The observation that high levels of aspartame trigger a craving for food by depleting the brain of a chemical for satiety is valid on a face value; however, making a generalized statement that it is indeed aspartame that leads to weight gain simplifies very complex modern day health issues of obesity and weight gain to an extreme degree. There are several factors contributing to one’s weight gain – from thyroid problems to genetics to simple lack of good exercise and movement. Thus, the author’s claim does not convince me that people are better of consuming sugar to avoid weight gain.

Third, the author wrongly equates the fat-burning aspect of sugar drinks to the conclusion that aspartame drinks will have no such effect. Just because sugar drinks have a calorie burning benefit does not mean that other types of drinks will have the calorie gaining effect (or lose the calorie-burning benefit, as the argument says). To assess this properly to paint a fuller and more accurate picture, the author should include facts and observations from people who actually have consumed drinks with aspartame and the calorie changes post-exercise or scientific reasoning behind ingredients with aspartame that would produce the intended results.

The author’s claims about negative effects of aspartame compared to sugar are not all bogus. However, his argument is flawed as he fails to consider other reasons behind the aspartame consumption and other contributing factors to weight loss and gain as well as makes an unsupported generalization about non-sugar drinks inability to burn calories.
Senior Manager
Senior Manager
User avatar
P
Joined: 12 Feb 2015
Posts: 427
Premium Member CAT Tests
Re: Can someone please rate my essay please?  [#permalink]

Show Tags

New post 07 Sep 2018, 08:34
I am not an expert hence will not be able to grade your AWA. Just my personal opinion after going through your essay contains the essential ingredients, i.e. no. of paras, structural words etc to take you over the line.

You may find the following link useful:-

https://gmatclub.com/forum/how-to-get-6 ... 64327.html
_________________

"Please hit :thumbup: +1 Kudos if you like this post" :student_man:

_________________
Manish :geek:

"Only I can change my life. No one can do it for me"

Intern
Intern
avatar
Joined: 06 Apr 2016
Posts: 5
Re: Can someone please rate my essay please?  [#permalink]

Show Tags

New post 10 Sep 2018, 14:21
i would rate 3

Content should be more descriptive in terms of your criticism. Most of your critique was around paraphrasing same sentences provided in the argument. Your second para graph can be much more explicitly written with your data .

Conclusion statement is weak in terms of length and making it more informative with your criticism information. Conclusion statement has to contain all of your mentioned points.

Grammar and typos have to be rechecked.
Re: Can someone please rate my essay please? &nbs [#permalink] 10 Sep 2018, 14:21
Display posts from previous: Sort by

Can someone please rate my essay please?

  new topic post reply Question banks Downloads My Bookmarks Reviews Important topics  

Events & Promotions

PREV
NEXT


cron

GMAT Club MBA Forum Home| About| Terms and Conditions and Privacy Policy| GMAT Club Rules| Contact| Sitemap

Powered by phpBB © phpBB Group | Emoji artwork provided by EmojiOne

Kindly note that the GMAT® test is a registered trademark of the Graduate Management Admission Council®, and this site has neither been reviewed nor endorsed by GMAC®.