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sheungcheng
Joined: 10 Feb 2022
Last visit: 10 Mar 2024
Posts: 7
Own Kudos:
Given Kudos: 1
Location: Hong Kong
Schools: INSEAD Aug'23 intake (A)
GPA: 3.44
17 Apr 2022, 01:41
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"In order to earn the most money for supplemental school programs, we will have larger and more thrilling rides at this year's School Fair, including a ferris wheel that is twice as tall as last year's ferris wheel. In addition, the game vendors will award more expensive prizes and the food stalls will showcase a variety of upscale international dishes. As a result, we will be able to charge a higher entrance fee and the dollar amount we earn via our commission on the vendors' revenues will be higher than it was last year."
In this article, the author suggests that the school has to hold a successful fundraising event this year in order to raise money for its supplementary school programs. This argument is not sound and persuasive as the author neglects to consider other factors that can affect the outcome of the event. Also, there could be other alternatives to raise money.
First, to make the event successful, the authors suggested a lot of ideas that seem to cost a lot of money to execute, including the giant ferris wheel, expensive prizes and international dishes. There ideas can attract more people to attend the event; however, these are also very costly. The school and vendors might need to invest a lot of money upfront. If the event doesn't turn out to what they thought it would be, they will suffer a loss and won't get enough money to fund the supplemental school programs. Hence, it is important for the school to balance the cost and revenue before execution.
Second, the author neglects to consider some possibilities that can ruin the event. For example, the weather could be so bad that day, which only a few people show up to the event. It will result in very few ticket sales and lower revenues from the vendor. The school might not raise a lot of money and might possibly suffer a loss. Hence, the school ought to come up with a contingency plan in mind to tackle situation like this.
Third, the primary purpose for this high school is to raise money for its supplemental school programs. There could be other options for the school to achieve the same outcome, such as donation program and school performance. The alternatives might be easier to implement and involve less risks. The author did not consider those and determined that the School Fair is the only way that it can raise the most money. One has to compare other options and provide more evidences to strengthen the argument.
In summary, the school needs to think more thoroughly before going ahead with the plan with the School Fair. Drawing people to participant the event is important but the school also has to consider the cost perspective, as well as contingency plan. If the author can provide more details to address the mentioned issues, the argument will be a much stronger one.
In this article, the author suggests that the school has to hold a successful fundraising event this year in order to raise money for its supplementary school programs. This argument is not sound and persuasive as the author neglects to consider other factors that can affect the outcome of the event. Also, there could be other alternatives to raise money.
First, to make the event successful, the authors suggested a lot of ideas that seem to cost a lot of money to execute, including the giant ferris wheel, expensive prizes and international dishes. There ideas can attract more people to attend the event; however, these are also very costly. The school and vendors might need to invest a lot of money upfront. If the event doesn't turn out to what they thought it would be, they will suffer a loss and won't get enough money to fund the supplemental school programs. Hence, it is important for the school to balance the cost and revenue before execution.
Second, the author neglects to consider some possibilities that can ruin the event. For example, the weather could be so bad that day, which only a few people show up to the event. It will result in very few ticket sales and lower revenues from the vendor. The school might not raise a lot of money and might possibly suffer a loss. Hence, the school ought to come up with a contingency plan in mind to tackle situation like this.
Third, the primary purpose for this high school is to raise money for its supplemental school programs. There could be other options for the school to achieve the same outcome, such as donation program and school performance. The alternatives might be easier to implement and involve less risks. The author did not consider those and determined that the School Fair is the only way that it can raise the most money. One has to compare other options and provide more evidences to strengthen the argument.
In summary, the school needs to think more thoroughly before going ahead with the plan with the School Fair. Drawing people to participant the event is important but the school also has to consider the cost perspective, as well as contingency plan. If the author can provide more details to address the mentioned issues, the argument will be a much stronger one.
17 Apr 2022, 03:50
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Can someone evaluate mine? Thanks in advance! 
In this argument, the school plans to earn the most money from supplemental school programs by having larger and more thrilling rides at this year's School Fair. The basis of this recommendation is that the school will be able to charge a higher entrance fee and earn a higher commission from the vendors, by letting the game vendors award more expensive prizes and the food stalls showcase a variety of upscale international dishes. At first glance, this plan appears to be somewhat convincing, but further scrutiny reveals that it omits some important concerns that should be addressed to make the plan succeed.
Most conspicuously, the argument unfairly assumes that more expensive prizes and upscale international dishes will attract more guests. However, while game prizes and food dishes might be attractive for some guests, there are many other factors that are important for guests to evaluate when considering a visit to the park, such as the safety level of the game rides, the sanity level of the park, and so on. Without providing evidence to explain why there will be more guests coming to the park if there are more expensive game prizes and more upscale food dishes, this assumption is unconvincing.
Moreover, the argument falsely depends on another assumption that there will not be less guests visiting the park if the school charges a higher entrance fee. While the entrance fee is an important factor in determine the overall revenue of the game park, the number of guests visiting the park is also crucial. What if there are less guests visiting the park because of the raise of the entrance fee? Hence, without illustrating why the number of guests will not be less when the entrance fee is higher, this assumption is unfounded.
Finally, the argument relies on the third assumption that the commission the school receives from the vendors will be higher than it was last year. However, there is no evidence stated that the commission from the vendors will not reduce for this year. If the vendors have a new contract with the school this year and it gives much less commission to the school, then the school might very well receive less commission, even though the overall revenue increases. Hence, this assumption is unwarranted.
To sum up, the school's plan to earn higher commission fee via vendors' revenues by giving more expensive game prizes, serving more upscale food dishes and charging higher entrance fee is seriously undermined by the numerous flaws in the reasoning identified above. If these reasoning are taken into account, the argument will be more thorough and convincing.
In this argument, the school plans to earn the most money from supplemental school programs by having larger and more thrilling rides at this year's School Fair. The basis of this recommendation is that the school will be able to charge a higher entrance fee and earn a higher commission from the vendors, by letting the game vendors award more expensive prizes and the food stalls showcase a variety of upscale international dishes. At first glance, this plan appears to be somewhat convincing, but further scrutiny reveals that it omits some important concerns that should be addressed to make the plan succeed.
Most conspicuously, the argument unfairly assumes that more expensive prizes and upscale international dishes will attract more guests. However, while game prizes and food dishes might be attractive for some guests, there are many other factors that are important for guests to evaluate when considering a visit to the park, such as the safety level of the game rides, the sanity level of the park, and so on. Without providing evidence to explain why there will be more guests coming to the park if there are more expensive game prizes and more upscale food dishes, this assumption is unconvincing.
Moreover, the argument falsely depends on another assumption that there will not be less guests visiting the park if the school charges a higher entrance fee. While the entrance fee is an important factor in determine the overall revenue of the game park, the number of guests visiting the park is also crucial. What if there are less guests visiting the park because of the raise of the entrance fee? Hence, without illustrating why the number of guests will not be less when the entrance fee is higher, this assumption is unfounded.
Finally, the argument relies on the third assumption that the commission the school receives from the vendors will be higher than it was last year. However, there is no evidence stated that the commission from the vendors will not reduce for this year. If the vendors have a new contract with the school this year and it gives much less commission to the school, then the school might very well receive less commission, even though the overall revenue increases. Hence, this assumption is unwarranted.
To sum up, the school's plan to earn higher commission fee via vendors' revenues by giving more expensive game prizes, serving more upscale food dishes and charging higher entrance fee is seriously undermined by the numerous flaws in the reasoning identified above. If these reasoning are taken into account, the argument will be more thorough and convincing.
17 Apr 2022, 03:51
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AWA Score: 4.5 - 5 out of 6
I have used a GMAT AWA auto-grader to evaluate your essay.
Coherence and connectivity: 3.5/5
This rating corresponds to the flow of ideas and expressions from one paragraph to another. The effective use of connectives and coherence of assertive language in arguing for/against the argument is analyzed. This is deemed as one of the most important parameters.
Paragraph structure and formation: 4/5
The structure and division of the attempt into appropriate paragraphs are evaluated. To score well on this parameter, it is important to organize the attempt into paragraphs. Preferable to follow the convention of leaving a line blank at the end of each paragraph, to make the software aware of the structure of the essay.
Vocabulary and word expression: 4.5/5
This parameter rates the submitted essay on the range of relevant vocabulary possessed by the candidate basis the word and expression usage. There are no extra- points for bombastic word usage. Simple is the best form of suave!
I have used a GMAT AWA auto-grader to evaluate your essay.
Coherence and connectivity: 3.5/5
This rating corresponds to the flow of ideas and expressions from one paragraph to another. The effective use of connectives and coherence of assertive language in arguing for/against the argument is analyzed. This is deemed as one of the most important parameters.
Paragraph structure and formation: 4/5
The structure and division of the attempt into appropriate paragraphs are evaluated. To score well on this parameter, it is important to organize the attempt into paragraphs. Preferable to follow the convention of leaving a line blank at the end of each paragraph, to make the software aware of the structure of the essay.
Vocabulary and word expression: 4.5/5
This parameter rates the submitted essay on the range of relevant vocabulary possessed by the candidate basis the word and expression usage. There are no extra- points for bombastic word usage. Simple is the best form of suave!
Good Luck
sheungcheng
"In order to earn the most money for supplemental school programs, we will have larger and more thrilling rides at this year's School Fair, including a ferris wheel that is twice as tall as last year's ferris wheel. In addition, the game vendors will award more expensive prizes and the food stalls will showcase a variety of upscale international dishes. As a result, we will be able to charge a higher entrance fee and the dollar amount we earn via our commission on the vendors' revenues will be higher than it was last year."
In this article, the author suggests that the school has to hold a successful fundraising event this year in order to raise money for its supplementary school programs. This argument is not sound and persuasive as the author neglects to consider other factors that can affect the outcome of the event. Also, there could be other alternatives to raise money.
First, to make the event successful, the authors suggested a lot of ideas that seem to cost a lot of money to execute, including the giant ferris wheel, expensive prizes and international dishes. There ideas can attract more people to attend the event; however, these are also very costly. The school and vendors might need to invest a lot of money upfront. If the event doesn't turn out to what they thought it would be, they will suffer a loss and won't get enough money to fund the supplemental school programs. Hence, it is important for the school to balance the cost and revenue before execution.
Second, the author neglects to consider some possibilities that can ruin the event. For example, the weather could be so bad that day, which only a few people show up to the event. It will result in very few ticket sales and lower revenues from the vendor. The school might not raise a lot of money and might possibly suffer a loss. Hence, the school ought to come up with a contingency plan in mind to tackle situation like this.
Third, the primary purpose for this high school is to raise money for its supplemental school programs. There could be other options for the school to achieve the same outcome, such as donation program and school performance. The alternatives might be easier to implement and involve less risks. The author did not consider those and determined that the School Fair is the only way that it can raise the most money. One has to compare other options and provide more evidences to strengthen the argument.
In summary, the school needs to think more thoroughly before going ahead with the plan with the School Fair. Drawing people to participant the event is important but the school also has to consider the cost perspective, as well as contingency plan. If the author can provide more details to address the mentioned issues, the argument will be a much stronger one.
In this article, the author suggests that the school has to hold a successful fundraising event this year in order to raise money for its supplementary school programs. This argument is not sound and persuasive as the author neglects to consider other factors that can affect the outcome of the event. Also, there could be other alternatives to raise money.
First, to make the event successful, the authors suggested a lot of ideas that seem to cost a lot of money to execute, including the giant ferris wheel, expensive prizes and international dishes. There ideas can attract more people to attend the event; however, these are also very costly. The school and vendors might need to invest a lot of money upfront. If the event doesn't turn out to what they thought it would be, they will suffer a loss and won't get enough money to fund the supplemental school programs. Hence, it is important for the school to balance the cost and revenue before execution.
Second, the author neglects to consider some possibilities that can ruin the event. For example, the weather could be so bad that day, which only a few people show up to the event. It will result in very few ticket sales and lower revenues from the vendor. The school might not raise a lot of money and might possibly suffer a loss. Hence, the school ought to come up with a contingency plan in mind to tackle situation like this.
Third, the primary purpose for this high school is to raise money for its supplemental school programs. There could be other options for the school to achieve the same outcome, such as donation program and school performance. The alternatives might be easier to implement and involve less risks. The author did not consider those and determined that the School Fair is the only way that it can raise the most money. One has to compare other options and provide more evidences to strengthen the argument.
In summary, the school needs to think more thoroughly before going ahead with the plan with the School Fair. Drawing people to participant the event is important but the school also has to consider the cost perspective, as well as contingency plan. If the author can provide more details to address the mentioned issues, the argument will be a much stronger one.
