AWA Score: 5.5 out of 6
Coherence and connectivity (5.5/6):
The essay demonstrates good coherence and connectivity between ideas. It starts with a clear thesis statement, addressing the flaws in the given argument. Each paragraph is logically connected to the previous one, and the essay follows a structured flow of ideas. However, there are a few instances where the connection between sentences could be smoother, which prevents a perfect score.
Word structure (5/6):
The word structure is generally proficient, but there are some minor errors and awkward phrasings in the essay. For example, "Olympic food stated" should be "Olympic Foods states," and "has to be validated by citing the source" could be rephrased as "needs validation through proper citation of the source." These minor improvements would make the essay more polished.
Paragraph structure and formation (5.5/6):
The essay exhibits a satisfactory paragraph structure. Each paragraph focuses on a specific point and presents supporting arguments and examples. The introduction and conclusion are clear and well-defined. However, there could be some improvements in the organization of the third paragraph. It seems to combine two separate points into one, making the flow a bit confusing.
Language and Grammar (5/6):
The language used is mostly appropriate and coherent. There are a few grammatical errors and awkward sentence constructions that need attention. For instance, "If the demand would be high, then the profit automatically would be high" could be better phrased as "Higher demand would result in increased profits." Fixing these minor grammar issues would enhance the overall quality of the essay.
Vocabulary and word expression (5/6):
The essay employs a decent range of vocabulary and word expressions to convey the points effectively. However, some word choices could be improved for better clarity and precision. For instance, instead of "more serious problems," a stronger phrase like "adverse consequences" or "severe repercussions" would be more appropriate.
Overall, the essay presents a well-structured argument with a clear thesis statement and logical reasoning. However, it could benefit from minor improvements in word structure, language, and grammar. With some polishing, the essay would be more persuasive and effective in communicating its points. The final score is 5.5 out of 6.
00424 wrote:
Discuss how well reasoned you find this argument. In your discussion be sure to analyze the line of reasoning and the use of evidence in the argument.
For example, you may need to consider what questionable assumptions underlie the thinking and what alternative explanations or counterexamples might weaken the conclusion. You can also discuss what sort of evidence would strengthen or refute the argument, what changes in the argument would make it more logically sound, and what, if anything, would help you better evaluate its conclusion.
The following appeared as part of an annual report sent to stockholders by Olympic Foods, a processor of frozen foods:
“Over time, the costs of processing go down because as organizations learn how to do things better, they become more efficient. In color film processing, for example, the cost of a 3-by-5-inch print fell from 50 cents for five-day service in 1970 to 20 cents for one-day service in 1984. The same principle applies to the processing of food. And since Olympic Foods will soon celebrate its 25th birthday, we can expect that our long experience will enable us to minimize costs and thus maximize profits.”
My Answer:-Olympic food stated that “Over time, the costs of processing go down because as organizations learn how to do things better, they become more efficient. However, the argument is seriously flawed, inconclusive and weak as it relies on a series of invalid assumptions.
First, a look at the argument major flaw. To begin with the argument assumes that the reliable source of information. This has to be validated by citing the source. Also, it does not mean that if the cost of a 3-by-5-inch print fell then the cost of frozen foods also fall. This is again a very weak and unsupported claim as the argument does not demonstrate any correlation between the cost of print and cost of frozen food. If the cost of 3-by-5-inch print fell because of other reasons such as today print does not more need because people can share documents online via messengers" applications so as it reduced the price of print.
The other flaws include that frozen foods also minimize costs what happens if population increase at high pace and demand for frozen foods would be high then in this scenario the price of frozen food would be high. If the demand would be high, then the profit automatically would be high then it does not have to minimize the necessary cost it can lead to product deterioration. As a result of this is again a very dubious and unsupported assertion. Thus, the argument reveals examples of leap of faith that are neither sound not persuasive.
The inherent flaws and incomplete information make the argument dubious. Without the flaws referred to and with additional relevant information, the argument would be strong. Long experience will enable us to minimize costs and thus maximize profits may not be the best of options. Therefore, the argument is seriously flawed and inconclusive and if the advice is followed, it may lead to more serious problems.
Can someone review my AWA ?
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01 Aug 2023, 23:20
