Dealing with Family (and Friends)

On my mom's side, i am the first generation to get a ba and the absolute first one to get anything more. they don't really get what an mba does, but they didn't get what i used to do either, and they know i'm a weirdo, so it's all good. here was my mom's response:

AAU: So I'm applying to business school. I am thinking Stanford, Duke...etc...
Mom: PAC-10? I mean, that's ok, but Duke! I love Coach K!
AAU: Right on, mom. What about UNC?
Mom: Roy Williams? That jerk? You know what he said about Wisconsin in the tournament back in....

Some friends from I-Town:

Friends: dude, where you been?
AAU: I'm in grad school, down in Durham.
Friends: sociology? policy?
AAU: b-school, actually
Friends: Dude! WTF!?

And my dad:

AAU (wanting to torture him, just a bit): So dad, you know how much this tuition is running?
Dad: no, you haven't mentioned it
AAU: yeah, even with the scholarships, i'm probably going to be about $75k or $80 in the hole
Dad: *&^&%%$%#$#!!!
AAU: Dad, relax. I don't expect you to pay for this and certainly don't plan to ask.
Dad: &(*&&^7(^&*^&*
AAU: Seriously. I know you don't have it. And I wouldn't want it anyway.
Dad: (***Code Blue! Code Blue****)

the only friend i have who was a little bit of a downer was a close friend of mine.

we've never really been competitive but i guess we've sort of been competitive a little bit.

we went to high school together and for college, we both wanted to go to berkeley but i got in and he didn't (but he got into ucla). so he went to ucla and i went to cal.

he talked about an mba all throughout college and i didn't. 2 years after working, he applied and got into ucla and went to anderson (full time of course).

he left his job in the entertainment industry to go to school and 2 years later, he graduated to take an i-banking job. he was making around $80k before school and i read in some magazines that the starting salary for guys like him at his firm was $90k + avg $110k bonus so i asked him "dude, you're really gonna be making $200k/yr?" and he said "well, i think those numbers are actually a little lower"...so i was a bit surprised.

the internet busted, about 1/2 of his classmates got their job offers rescinded, he was lucky and didn't...but 3 months after working there they laid him off. he tried to stay within the industry but went to work for a research firm instead and got $80k with little bonus....and then went back into entertainment.

in the end, he's right back where he was before he went back to school to get an mba. so every time i brought up an MBA, he was like "don't do it...it's just not worth it" and i agreed that it wasn't worth it to leave the work force, etc.

last year when i started talking to him about EMBA stuff he was pretty negative...stuff like "those EMBAs are weak" or "they're usually not worth the paper they're printed on" or "even if you go to a good school, nobody thinks it's a real MBA" or "how can a part time program come close to a full time program", etc.

other than him...everyone has been really cool. he's actually ok about it but he doesn't jump up and down like everyone else. oh well, that's cool...he's still my friend.

RVD.

Great thread. It's interesting to see how the families and friends of others have reacted to and dealt with the bschool application process.

Fortunately, my family has been extremely supportive. They were all for my applying/going to school. When I began this process a year ago, I was deadset again applying to any of the top tier schools. I never thought I had a chance. My sister (and coworkers) convinced me otherwise. Thank goodness for them! They were right. I never could have gotten through the whole process without my family - they were my sanity. Well, sometimes they were my insanity too but that's ok. The only tough part with them was explaining everything they didn't understand, which got frustrating at times but they finally got it in the end.

My friends, on the other hand, were a completely different story. They were marginally supportive, and most still make snide remarks about bschool when I mention it. One put up a big fuss that I didn't attend her family party a week before my GMAT. We ended up getting in a big fight about it and didn't talk for over a month. Another basically disowned me when I disappeared for the month that I devoted to essay writing last fall. We also had a big falling out. We made up, but it hasn't been the same since. It's unfortunate, because I care about these friends, but I just don't think they'll ever understand. Both are teachers, and while I respect and admire them for the work that they do, I just don't think they get why I do what I do.... Anyways, I'm soooo looking forward to making some new friends at school who are of like mind, or at the very least, understand what it's like to have to work like a maniac, or study hard, or whatever, and won't judge you for it.

Best of luck to you all dealing with family and/or friends who aren't supportive or understanding. Just remember - you always have us to vent to about it!

I'm so surprised about the number of negative reactions people get from family and friends. I've only had one negativish answer from my best friend (we studied together, now he works as an equity analyst); he said he thought it wasn't worth the money, but he admitted that his vision was skewed by his industry, where CFA is king. But then again he said it to me in a very friendly way, and still encouraged me to do it since I wanted to get an IB job.

My parents have no clue about what to expect - my dad in particular - since they are both professional musicians, but they know it's "prestigious" and will give me access to better jobs.

My g/f was INCREDIBLY supportive, especially considering the fact that I'd be leaving without her in the beginning. She drove me to my GMAT and Toefl tests in cities that were 200 - 300km away from Brussels (where I live). She has mixed feelings though: she's really excited for me and believes in my potential to get it (more than I actually ) but she's also sad and worried that we'll be apart for quite some time.

So all in all I received a lot of support. Sorry to hear that some others didn't.

Wow amazing thread. Such great stories makes me want to be in the same class with everyone here. Definitely ambition comes in different sizes, languages etc and knows no geographical boundary. Here's my .01 version of the rant...

My boyfie was and has been very supportive...he got me onto this track anyway though I wonder what will happen if I get into a school more than two hours drive away from him (he has a perfect job in NYC as a quant and is not going to relocate with me). My mum, with less than a high school education is just excited that I am going for more school...that's all she ever wanted for us... to acquire as much education as possible. Funny the only school she hopes I get in is Harvard, she doesn't know any of the others and can't even pronounce Wharton. My siblings are oblivious. They think am just up to my usual shenanigans except the eldest who has dreams of my being a doctor. (I am the first in my family and even extended family on my mum's side to get an undergrad degree). So in her opinion, I should make my millions in business and use it to pay for med school LMAO!!!!

One of my friends and her family have kind of "adopted me," inviting me to spend holidays with them etc. Both her parents have advanced degrees and one of them has actually hired a Wharton grad as a manager in her top management position in a big global bio-pharmaceutical company. Her opinion was that no one would hire someone in finance who did not have a previous finance background and when I had to retake the GMAT, she commented what a waste of money my whole GMAT experience was. Offcourse now she's singing a different tune and she even told me how she was bragging about me during a casual lunch time meeting.

My co-workers thought I was crazy. One whose husband was dinged by Wharton a few years back has been particularly negative. According to her I am the poorest candidate to ever apply to M7 in the whole history of B-school. How can a research tech with no leadership position or experience at work, no finance background and only 2 years WE not to mention a highly sub-par GMAT score in her opinion even dream of even the local part time. She did fuel the doubts in my mind already. My GMAT score could be better for one. However my bf says that am super intelligent and with a great shot at any top school. I keep telling him that he's got me already and that that line is getting old and tired but he insists. So far and to my disbelief I did get an interview call from Wharton and the more expected Cornell but expecting dings from all the rest.

In terms of my friends... most of them couldn't GAF It's not on their radar and never has been, so no negative or positive responses. I think the perception of an MBA is a different beast dependingon where you are from. In the States it's a well known qualification and highly sought after. Looking at the GMAT trends, you can tell which countries are more MBA aware than others.

65% of GMAT takers in 07 has a USA address.
In 2006 only 2837 tests were taken in the UK (My nationality) and 3,506 in Japan (My current residence)!!! 27,119 in February 2006 in the USA, almost 10x the amount in 1 month.

The question to ask is, if you're seeking work in a less MBA aware country, are you then restricting yourself to MBA aware industries only and is that what you're after? This is where the 'value' of the MBA needs to be judged on a personal level depending on your goals.

It's also the main reason a lot of my friends are not really concerned or interested in MBA's and why i get indifferent feedback.

Shaq has an MBA from the University of Phoenix. He makes $20M per year (actually probably $60M+ per year all told). That's good ROI.

I've had the opposite problem. My mother was so excited I had to convince her it was NOT a good and/or okay idea for her to come to Duke's admit weekend with me.....lol

ToDoorNot and Bee - your situation reminds me a lot of how it was when I said I wanted to do my Masters. (Im Indian female too, and was 22/23 at the time - mom was deadset on finding a suitable boy for me before I went for my Masters. Also, parents were terribly concerned about being able to afford the education (of course, like most Indian parents, they assumed they will need to pay for it), till I explained to them about the existence of Research Assistantships. Thankfully my mom was not successful with the marriage thing and with my admission happening, they turned around.

Anyway, nearly 10 years later, now married and wanting to go for my MBA, my husband (says he) is supportive - but he would prefer I go part time a little later in life - since his mom did something similar and ended up doing quite well in corporate after 25 years teaching. Thankfully, he is the kinda guy who wouldn't care if I were more educated or earned more than he.

My problem is, I am more and more convinced that a full time MBA will be better for me - one, I want to change focus in my career and I am not convinced that can happen with a part time degree. Besides, I could not handle my job that requires travel and a part time MBA and possibly start a family too (yes, now, my mom is deadset on us starting a family since Im 31 - but this time Im listening - biological clock and all).

I am also convinced that I would need to go to a top school to justify a full time degree (to myself and family) and am finding out that not only have schools turned younger, I am also not particularly superstar material for them to overlook the age.

Practically, part time makes so much more sense ( we do not have our green card and I am past my 6 years on H1) - but I am drawn towards a full time MBA. Maybe my choice will be made easier for me with dings to where ever I apply - (2 schools that I applied have already gone that route). I am considering what I should do for 2009 - apply to more schools full time or give up and try for a part time degree in a few years after the green card.

Hey PEtoMBA, that was a very inspiring post. I would love to be in class full of all the people who post on this forum because they all have amazing stories to tell. By the way, PE are you going to UW this fall. I thought I saw your posts on the UW link.

hsampath, I wish you all the best with whatever path you choose. please don't give up just yet! with the MBA apps process, you would never know which school you're gonna end up with, seems like anything's possible!

also, am not an Indian female, however I do come from a part of Asia where women should prioritize on being a wife first, and anything else second.

700willdo, I do think I will be at Foster next fall. I am still waiting on a decision from Carnegie Mellon on Monday, but unless I get in and get an attractive scholarship package I will probably chose Foster. The two schools seem pretty evenly matched reputation and placement wise in the tech field (which is what I am targeting), both having top tier Computer Science and E-business programs and access to the biggest name tech recruiters (Microsoft, Google, Amazon, etc...). CMU has the edge on overall reputation and access to finance and consulting careers, but unless my outlook changes drastically during business school I won't be targeting those fields. 45K per year tuition (compared to less than 20K est. tuition after scholarship @ UW) seems like a steep price tag for slightly better access to fields I am not really interested in. Plus I love Seattle and prefer a career on the west coast to one on the east coast. UW grads seem to dominate the Seattle job market with good representation in the Bay Area (where I am now) too.

Hi bee, yeah, I actually figured you weren't Indian. I was addressing toDoorNot when I said I was Indian female too. Anyway, actually, India it's been much better for women in the last 10-15 years, especially in the cities as far as the perception on what we are supposed to prioritize on. But, yes, the emphasis is still on marriage and family.

Also, as far as giving up - I will not be really giving up as long as my long term goals are met, correct? So, hopefully, whichever path I choose to take, I am hoping I will be able to achieve my career goals. Going full time would be a nice to have though.

terry...i have had a similar problem...

i have an indian background...my parents were not very supportive of the idea of me getting an MBA...that was initially...now they understand that this is what i want to do

I wanted to thank everyone for sharing their stories. It was really interesting, and somehow nice to know that I wasn't alone in this!

funny story. Suddenly she seems to think this is alla great idea. Um... WTF?! I am sure she probably googled MBA or Said. something To a friend that war. suddenly impressed and now it is a good ideal. I don't really care why as long as it makes my life easier!! =)

ha ha, congrats westsider on your life having gotten a little easier!!!