Last visit was: 27 Apr 2024, 11:24 It is currently 27 Apr 2024, 11:24

Close
GMAT Club Daily Prep
Thank you for using the timer - this advanced tool can estimate your performance and suggest more practice questions. We have subscribed you to Daily Prep Questions via email.

Customized
for You

we will pick new questions that match your level based on your Timer History

Track
Your Progress

every week, we’ll send you an estimated GMAT score based on your performance

Practice
Pays

we will pick new questions that match your level based on your Timer History
Not interested in getting valuable practice questions and articles delivered to your email? No problem, unsubscribe here.
Close
Request Expert Reply
Confirm Cancel
SORT BY:
Date
Tags:
Show Tags
Hide Tags
Intern
Intern
Joined: 05 Dec 2020
Posts: 20
Own Kudos [?]: 3 [0]
Given Kudos: 4
Send PM
Founder
Founder
Joined: 04 Dec 2002
Posts: 37319
Own Kudos [?]: 72901 [0]
Given Kudos: 18870
Location: United States (WA)
GMAT 1: 750 Q49 V42
GPA: 3
Send PM
Intern
Intern
Joined: 05 Dec 2020
Posts: 20
Own Kudos [?]: 3 [0]
Given Kudos: 4
Send PM
Founder
Founder
Joined: 04 Dec 2002
Posts: 37319
Own Kudos [?]: 72901 [2]
Given Kudos: 18870
Location: United States (WA)
GMAT 1: 750 Q49 V42
GPA: 3
Send PM
Re: People who use the artificial sweetener aspartame are better off cons [#permalink]
2
Kudos
Expert Reply
Welcome to GMAT Club!

AWA Score: 4.5 - 5 out of 6!
I have used a GMATAWA auto-grader to evaluate your essay. I think some of your long introduction has confused the essay grader since your "Firstly appeared only in the third paragraph". I tried deleting your first 2 paragraphs and that bumped the score up to 4.5 though it bumped the cohesion score down to 3.5. In any case, it proves that MORE is not always BETTER


Coherence and connectivity: 4/5
This rating corresponds to the flow of idea and expression from one paragraph to another. The effective use of connectives and coherence of assertive language in arguing for/against the argument is analysed. This is deemed as one of the most important parameters.

Paragraph structure and formation: 3/5
The structure and division of the attempt into appropriate paragraphs is evaluated. To score well on this parameter, it is important to organize the attempt into paragraphs. Preferable to follow the convention of leaving a line blank at the end of each paragraph, to make the software aware of the structure of the essay.


Vocabulary and word expression: 5/5
This parameter rates the submitted essay on the range of relevant vocabulary possessed by the candidate basis the word and expression usage. There are no extra- points for bombastic word-usage. Simple is the best form of suave!



:fingers_crossed: Please do not forget to use the Chineseburnt AWA Template!
https://gmatclub.com/forum/how-to-get-6 ... 64327.html

P.S. Do not use the words firstly and secondly.... use First or Second or Another....
avatar
Intern
Intern
Joined: 22 Jan 2022
Posts: 1
Own Kudos [?]: 0 [0]
Given Kudos: 0
Send PM
Re: People who use the artificial sweetener aspartame are better off cons [#permalink]
Please review my essay!!

“People who use the artificial sweetener aspartame are better off consuming sugar, since aspartame can actually contribute to weight gain rather than weight loss. For example, high levels of aspartame have been shown to trigger a craving for food by depleting the brain of a chemical that registers satiety, or the sense of being full. Furthermore, studies suggest that sugars, if consumed after at least 45 minutes of continuous exercise, actually enhance the body’s ability to burn fat. Consequently, those who drink aspartame-sweetened juices after exercise will also lose this calorie-burning benefit. Thus it appears that people consuming aspartame rather than sugar are unlikely to achieve their dietary goals.”

This excerpt coming from the health section of Babe magazine argues that people who consume more aspartame rather than sugar will have less success in their dietary goals than those who consume more sugar. This argument is flawed in many areas, making many critical assumptions about the standardization of dietary goals and the differences between aspartame and sugar, and gives insufficient information about the effects of aspartame on the body.

The argument makes the assumption that every person who consumes aspartame has the same dietary goals. The problem with this statement is that the dietary goals are not explained. There are some people who could have the goal to lose weight and some who could want to gain weight, or even maintain their weight. Furthermore, dietary goals don’t necessarily have to be about weight at all; they could simply be to eat more whole foods or three meals a day. This statement is flawed because it assumes a relationship between aspartame intake and an inability to achieve dietary goals. There could be many reasons why a person is unable to succeed in a goal they set: they are busy, they don’t exercise as much as they want to, they are experiencing emotional hardship. This argument would be more successful if the author were to provide more information about what people’s dietary goals are. That would at least help the overall argument about weight loss and weight gain in relation to aspartame and sugar.

The author argues that aspartame contributes to weight gain instead of weight loss. The author assumes that sugar and aspartame can be substituted for one another without going into depth about their differences. The only information given about sugar’s effect on the body that is different from aspartame is that after a certain amount of time, 45 minutes, the body should burn fat. However, the author fails to explain what would happen with fewer amounts of exercise and sugar intake. There is no explanation about the effects of aspartame paired with the same amount of exercise, which does not justify the comparison between the two substances.

There is also insufficient information provided about the effects of aspartame on the body. On top of the unjustified statements about aspartame contributing to weight gain, the author mentions an effect of aspartame on a certain chemical in the brain that causes satiety. While making this scientific claim, the author does not name the chemical. An unnamed brain process is unlikely to be a convincing factor in an argument. In addition to this claim, the author says that high levels of aspartame trigger this effect on the chemical. The author does not give a number to justify the high levels of aspartame. This leaves the reader with questions about aspartame levels and what exactly is high and normal. In order to strengthen the claims about aspartame’s effect on the body, the author needs to provide a significant amount of information, both numerical and more detailed, to back up the argument. The reader would get a better sense of what levels of aspartame have effects on the body, and without this information the author leaves much unknown.

The argument about swapping sugar for aspartame has many significant assumptions that render the argument untenable. Even if the author were to back up his claims with more data and details, they still make many assumptions about the dietary world and the similar nature of sugar and aspartame.
GRE Forum Moderator
Joined: 02 Nov 2016
Posts: 13961
Own Kudos [?]: 32975 [0]
Given Kudos: 5780
GPA: 3.62
Send PM
Re: People who use the artificial sweetener aspartame are better off cons [#permalink]
Expert Reply
AWA Score: 5.5 out of 6

I have used a GMAT AWA auto-grader to evaluate your essay.

Coherence and connectivity: 4.5/5
This rating corresponds to the flow of ideas and expressions from one paragraph to another. The effective use of connectives and coherence of assertive language in arguing for/against the argument is analyzed. This is deemed as one of the most important parameters.

Paragraph structure and formation: 3/5
The structure and division of the attempt into appropriate paragraphs are evaluated. To score well on this parameter, it is important to organize the attempt into paragraphs. Preferable to follow the convention of leaving a line blank at the end of each paragraph, to make the software aware of the structure of the essay.

Vocabulary and word expression: 4.5/5
This parameter rates the submitted essay on the range of relevant vocabulary possessed by the candidate basis the word and expression usage. There are no extra- points for bombastic word usage. Simple is the best form of suave!


Good Luck

SRH44 wrote:
Please review my essay!!

“People who use the artificial sweetener aspartame are better off consuming sugar, since aspartame can actually contribute to weight gain rather than weight loss. For example, high levels of aspartame have been shown to trigger a craving for food by depleting the brain of a chemical that registers satiety, or the sense of being full. Furthermore, studies suggest that sugars, if consumed after at least 45 minutes of continuous exercise, actually enhance the body’s ability to burn fat. Consequently, those who drink aspartame-sweetened juices after exercise will also lose this calorie-burning benefit. Thus it appears that people consuming aspartame rather than sugar are unlikely to achieve their dietary goals.”

This excerpt coming from the health section of Babe magazine argues that people who consume more aspartame rather than sugar will have less success in their dietary goals than those who consume more sugar. This argument is flawed in many areas, making many critical assumptions about the standardization of dietary goals and the differences between aspartame and sugar, and gives insufficient information about the effects of aspartame on the body.

The argument makes the assumption that every person who consumes aspartame has the same dietary goals. The problem with this statement is that the dietary goals are not explained. There are some people who could have the goal to lose weight and some who could want to gain weight, or even maintain their weight. Furthermore, dietary goals don’t necessarily have to be about weight at all; they could simply be to eat more whole foods or three meals a day. This statement is flawed because it assumes a relationship between aspartame intake and an inability to achieve dietary goals. There could be many reasons why a person is unable to succeed in a goal they set: they are busy, they don’t exercise as much as they want to, they are experiencing emotional hardship. This argument would be more successful if the author were to provide more information about what people’s dietary goals are. That would at least help the overall argument about weight loss and weight gain in relation to aspartame and sugar.

The author argues that aspartame contributes to weight gain instead of weight loss. The author assumes that sugar and aspartame can be substituted for one another without going into depth about their differences. The only information given about sugar’s effect on the body that is different from aspartame is that after a certain amount of time, 45 minutes, the body should burn fat. However, the author fails to explain what would happen with fewer amounts of exercise and sugar intake. There is no explanation about the effects of aspartame paired with the same amount of exercise, which does not justify the comparison between the two substances.

There is also insufficient information provided about the effects of aspartame on the body. On top of the unjustified statements about aspartame contributing to weight gain, the author mentions an effect of aspartame on a certain chemical in the brain that causes satiety. While making this scientific claim, the author does not name the chemical. An unnamed brain process is unlikely to be a convincing factor in an argument. In addition to this claim, the author says that high levels of aspartame trigger this effect on the chemical. The author does not give a number to justify the high levels of aspartame. This leaves the reader with questions about aspartame levels and what exactly is high and normal. In order to strengthen the claims about aspartame’s effect on the body, the author needs to provide a significant amount of information, both numerical and more detailed, to back up the argument. The reader would get a better sense of what levels of aspartame have effects on the body, and without this information the author leaves much unknown.

The argument about swapping sugar for aspartame has many significant assumptions that render the argument untenable. Even if the author were to back up his claims with more data and details, they still make many assumptions about the dietary world and the similar nature of sugar and aspartame.
Intern
Intern
Joined: 22 Aug 2021
Posts: 5
Own Kudos [?]: 0 [0]
Given Kudos: 2
Location: Thailand
Send PM
Re: People who use the artificial sweetener aspartame are better off cons [#permalink]
Hi, please review my essay:

The passage claims that aspartame is better than sugar for people who want to loss weight. The author cites scientific effect of aspartame that triggers brain chemical for one to eat more. Also, sugar has ability to increase body’s ability to burn fat after continuous of exercise. The author readily assumes that aspartame is superior than sugar for losing weight. However, the passage fails to weight disadvantages of aspartame and disadvantage of sugar. Further, the ability to burn fat after exercise is whether still eligible for non-exercise person. The argument relies on assumption that is weak and could be more convincing.

First, the author does not weight between disadvantage of consuming aspartame and disadvantage of consuming sugar. Downside of sugars may overcome the downside of aspartame. For instance, calories intake from sugar may significantly larger than calories intake from aspartame plus addition food that one takes from extra craving for food, resulting in more weight gain for sugar consumers. The argument would have been more convincing, if the argument explicitly compared the disadvantage of the sugar and the disadvantage of the aspartame.

To be fair, ability to burn fat from consuming sugar after exercise is convincing, but further question is what is the effects on those who are not regularly exercise. Does sugar develop any greater risks for one to have obesity than aspartame. If the author had given more information on this, the argument could have been clearer.

Finally, does the downside of sugar consumption worse than aspartame consumption? What are the effects of consuming sugar without exercises first? Without answer to these questions, the argument is more of a claims rather than a substantiated evidence that people consuming aspartame rather than those consuming sugar will fail to achieve their dietary goal.

In summary, the argument looks convincing, but it could provide more contributing factors to the case. In order to fully understand the case, it is essential to have full knowledge to assess the conclusion. Without information that closes above-mentioned gap, the argument remains open to debate.
GRE Forum Moderator
Joined: 02 Nov 2016
Posts: 13961
Own Kudos [?]: 32975 [0]
Given Kudos: 5780
GPA: 3.62
Send PM
People who use the artificial sweetener aspartame are better off cons [#permalink]
Expert Reply
AWA Score: 5.5 - 6 out of 6

Coherence and connectivity: 5/5
This rating corresponds to the flow of ideas and expressions from one paragraph to another. The effective use of connectives and coherence of assertive language in arguing for/against the argument is analyzed. This is deemed as one of the most important parameters.

Paragraph structure and formation: 4/5
The structure and division of the attempt into appropriate paragraphs are evaluated. To score well on this parameter, it is important to organize the attempt into paragraphs. Preferable to follow the convention of leaving a line blank at the end of each paragraph, to make the software aware of the structure of the essay.

Vocabulary and word expression: 4.5/5
This parameter rates the submitted essay on the range of relevant vocabulary possessed by the candidate basis the word and expression usage. There are no extra- points for bombastic word usage. Simple is the best form of suave!


Good Luck

wtaechaprapasaeng wrote:
Hi, please review my essay:

The passage claims that aspartame is better than sugar for people who want to loss weight. The author cites scientific effect of aspartame that triggers brain chemical for one to eat more. Also, sugar has ability to increase body’s ability to burn fat after continuous of exercise. The author readily assumes that aspartame is superior than sugar for losing weight. However, the passage fails to weight disadvantages of aspartame and disadvantage of sugar. Further, the ability to burn fat after exercise is whether still eligible for non-exercise person. The argument relies on assumption that is weak and could be more convincing.

First, the author does not weight between disadvantage of consuming aspartame and disadvantage of consuming sugar. Downside of sugars may overcome the downside of aspartame. For instance, calories intake from sugar may significantly larger than calories intake from aspartame plus addition food that one takes from extra craving for food, resulting in more weight gain for sugar consumers. The argument would have been more convincing, if the argument explicitly compared the disadvantage of the sugar and the disadvantage of the aspartame.

To be fair, ability to burn fat from consuming sugar after exercise is convincing, but further question is what is the effects on those who are not regularly exercise. Does sugar develop any greater risks for one to have obesity than aspartame. If the author had given more information on this, the argument could have been clearer.

Finally, does the downside of sugar consumption worse than aspartame consumption? What are the effects of consuming sugar without exercises first? Without answer to these questions, the argument is more of a claims rather than a substantiated evidence that people consuming aspartame rather than those consuming sugar will fail to achieve their dietary goal.

In summary, the argument looks convincing, but it could provide more contributing factors to the case. In order to fully understand the case, it is essential to have full knowledge to assess the conclusion. Without information that closes above-mentioned gap, the argument remains open to debate.
Intern
Intern
Joined: 05 Sep 2022
Posts: 6
Own Kudos [?]: 0 [0]
Given Kudos: 1
Send PM
Re: People who use the artificial sweetener aspartame are better off cons [#permalink]
Hi! Can I please get graded?

“People who use the artificial sweetener aspartame are better off consuming sugar, since aspartame can actually contribute to weight gain rather than weight loss. For example, high levels of aspartame have been shown to trigger a craving for food by depleting the brain of a chemical that registers satiety, or the sense of being full. Furthermore, studies suggest that sugars, if consumed after at least 45 minutes of continuous exercise, actually enhance the body’s ability to burn fat. Consequently, those who drink aspartame-sweetened juices after exercise will also lose this calorie-burning benefit. Thus it appears that people consuming aspartame rather than sugar are unlikely to achieve their dietary goals.”

The argument suggests that people who use the artificial sweetener aspartame are better off consuming sugar instead of aspartame. The argument reasons that sugar is better than aspartame because high levels of aspartame have been shown to trigger a craving for food and because consumer sugar after exercise is shown to enhance the body’s ability to burn fat. Although these reasonings may appear sound on the surface, this argument is actually weak and unconvincing. Stated this way, this argument fails to consider several key factors, demonstrates leap of faith reasoning, and relies on poor, unsubstantiated assumptions.

First, the argument fails to consider several key factors as to why people might prefer to consume aspartame over sugar. It assumes that everyone who consumes aspartame are using it to achieve their dietary goals, namely for weightloss. However, there might be many people who use aspartame over sugar because they like the taste or cannot physically consume sugar due to diseases such as diabetes. This argument completely disregards those people and misrepresents the overall population with a sweeping statement.

Secondly, although this argument’s reasoning that high levels of aspartame have been shown to trigger food cravings may be true, the extent of applicability of this research to this argument may be a stretch. The argument does not show how much people are consuming aspartame as compared with what “high levels” of consumption entails. On the flip side, the argument does not consider that perhaps there are people who consume aspartame to indeed, increase their appetite for food. Again, the argument fails to consider many key factors and relies on a weak assumption that all people consuming aspartame are doing so for the same reason, weight loss. This argument would be greatly improved if the author does take the time to perhaps make its assumptions more clear or narrow the scope of its argument to consider only the people that it is targeting. This would make the argument stronger and more clear.

Finally, the argument needs to address several questions: Why might some people prefer aspartame over sugar? Are there other motivations for using aspartame over sugar besides weight loss? And what kind of dietary goals are people who consume aspartame motivated by? In order to clearly analyze an argument, we must take into consideration all the contributing factors. In this case, this argument needs to more clearly define the subsection of the population that it is targeting and clarify its assumptions about people’s dietary and weight loss goals. Without clear and logically reasoned answers to this question, this argument is clearly just a leap of faith and does not employ a logical inference.

In conclusion, this argument is weak and unconvincing for the above mentioned reasons. The argument could absolutely be improved if it does address the questions laid out above and make its assumptions and premises more clear and specific to the conclusion it is drawing. Without understanding all the information and contributing factors to better understand this argument, one is left with the impression that this argument is clearly wishful thinking and is not a well reasoned argument.
GRE Forum Moderator
Joined: 02 Nov 2016
Posts: 13961
Own Kudos [?]: 32975 [0]
Given Kudos: 5780
GPA: 3.62
Send PM
Re: People who use the artificial sweetener aspartame are better off cons [#permalink]
Expert Reply
AWA Score: 5.5 out of 6

Coherence and connectivity: 5/5
This rating corresponds to the flow of ideas and expressions from one paragraph to another. The effective use of connectives and coherence of assertive language in arguing for/against the argument is analyzed. This is deemed as one of the most important parameters.

Paragraph structure and formation: 3.5/5
The structure and division of the attempt into appropriate paragraphs are evaluated. To score well on this parameter, it is important to organize the attempt into paragraphs. Preferable to follow the convention of leaving a line blank at the end of each paragraph, to make the software aware of the structure of the essay.

Vocabulary and word expression: 4/5
This parameter rates the submitted essay on the range of relevant vocabulary possessed by the candidate basis the word and expression usage. There are no extra- points for bombastic word usage. Simple is the best form of suave!


Good Luck

bellsprout25 wrote:
Hi! Can I please get graded?

“People who use the artificial sweetener aspartame are better off consuming sugar, since aspartame can actually contribute to weight gain rather than weight loss. For example, high levels of aspartame have been shown to trigger a craving for food by depleting the brain of a chemical that registers satiety, or the sense of being full. Furthermore, studies suggest that sugars, if consumed after at least 45 minutes of continuous exercise, actually enhance the body’s ability to burn fat. Consequently, those who drink aspartame-sweetened juices after exercise will also lose this calorie-burning benefit. Thus it appears that people consuming aspartame rather than sugar are unlikely to achieve their dietary goals.”

The argument suggests that people who use the artificial sweetener aspartame are better off consuming sugar instead of aspartame. The argument reasons that sugar is better than aspartame because high levels of aspartame have been shown to trigger a craving for food and because consumer sugar after exercise is shown to enhance the body’s ability to burn fat. Although these reasonings may appear sound on the surface, this argument is actually weak and unconvincing. Stated this way, this argument fails to consider several key factors, demonstrates leap of faith reasoning, and relies on poor, unsubstantiated assumptions.

First, the argument fails to consider several key factors as to why people might prefer to consume aspartame over sugar. It assumes that everyone who consumes aspartame are using it to achieve their dietary goals, namely for weightloss. However, there might be many people who use aspartame over sugar because they like the taste or cannot physically consume sugar due to diseases such as diabetes. This argument completely disregards those people and misrepresents the overall population with a sweeping statement.

Secondly, although this argument’s reasoning that high levels of aspartame have been shown to trigger food cravings may be true, the extent of applicability of this research to this argument may be a stretch. The argument does not show how much people are consuming aspartame as compared with what “high levels” of consumption entails. On the flip side, the argument does not consider that perhaps there are people who consume aspartame to indeed, increase their appetite for food. Again, the argument fails to consider many key factors and relies on a weak assumption that all people consuming aspartame are doing so for the same reason, weight loss. This argument would be greatly improved if the author does take the time to perhaps make its assumptions more clear or narrow the scope of its argument to consider only the people that it is targeting. This would make the argument stronger and more clear.

Finally, the argument needs to address several questions: Why might some people prefer aspartame over sugar? Are there other motivations for using aspartame over sugar besides weight loss? And what kind of dietary goals are people who consume aspartame motivated by? In order to clearly analyze an argument, we must take into consideration all the contributing factors. In this case, this argument needs to more clearly define the subsection of the population that it is targeting and clarify its assumptions about people’s dietary and weight loss goals. Without clear and logically reasoned answers to this question, this argument is clearly just a leap of faith and does not employ a logical inference.

In conclusion, this argument is weak and unconvincing for the above mentioned reasons. The argument could absolutely be improved if it does address the questions laid out above and make its assumptions and premises more clear and specific to the conclusion it is drawing. Without understanding all the information and contributing factors to better understand this argument, one is left with the impression that this argument is clearly wishful thinking and is not a well reasoned argument.
GMAT Club Bot
Re: People who use the artificial sweetener aspartame are better off cons [#permalink]
Moderators:
GMAT Club Verbal Expert
6923 posts
GMAT Club Verbal Expert
238 posts

Powered by phpBB © phpBB Group | Emoji artwork provided by EmojiOne