AWA Score: 5.5 - 6 out of 6
I have used a GMAT AWA auto-grader to evaluate your essay.
Coherence and connectivity: 4/5
This rating corresponds to the flow of ideas and expressions from one paragraph to another. The effective use of connectives and coherence of assertive language in arguing for/against the argument is analyzed. This is deemed as one of the most important parameters.
Paragraph structure and formation: 4.5/5
The structure and division of the attempt into appropriate paragraphs are evaluated. To score well on this parameter, it is important to organize the attempt into paragraphs. Preferable to follow the convention of leaving a line blank at the end of each paragraph, to make the software aware of the structure of the essay.
Vocabulary and word expression: 4.5/5
This parameter rates the submitted essay on the range of relevant vocabulary possessed by the candidate basis the word and expression usage. There are no extra- points for bombastic word usage. Simple is the best form of suave!
Good LuckRavin25
"The clamor of threat for the physical stores posed by the online retailers has been consistently increasing. Intelligentsia has indulged in hasty laudation of the online model and bashing of the physical model in today's internet-driven world. These proponents may not be aware that 70% of the country's top 100 online retail companies had negative profits in the last quarter and 80% of the companies have foreign funding which is often risky, unreliable. Further, the main reason why consumers prefer the online retailers is the high discount offered, often coming at the cost of the investors' money. How long can this continue? Olympus, a traditional retailer, must certainly believe that the physical stores are there to stay and must focus on opening more stores rather than worry about tapping the online retailing ways.
The argument claims that Olympus Store, a retail store for electronic goods, faces no threat from online retailers as they are running on foreign investors money and as they are not profitable, Hence, It should focus more on opening stores rather than tapping the online retailing ways. Stated in this way, argument fails to mention several key factors on the basis of which it can be evaluated. The argument is based on various unwarranted assumptions for which there are no clear evidences. Therefore, the argument is weak and has several flaws.
First, the argument assumes that negative profits for online retailers will not let them survive for long. However, normally new age startups and businesses turn profitable after few years of their operation. For instance, Nykaa, an Indian heath and beauty startup turned profitable in 2019 after 4-5 years of operations and captured a large market share from health and beauty retailers. So there is a very high possibility that online retailers may soon turn profitable and become biggest hindrance in growth of Olympus Trade.
Second ,the argument claims that 70% of country's top 100 retailers had negative profit and 80%of the companies have foreign funding which is unreliable. But what about rest 30% of retailers and 20% of the companies that receive domestic funding ? What if these companies gain a good market share ? Olympus trade business will start declining as it did not focus on tapping the online retailing ways. The argument would have been considerably strengthened if it had mentioned details about remaining 30% of retailers having positive profitability and 20% of the companies that receive domestic funding.
Finally. the argument concludes that Olympus Trade should open more physical stores. To open a new store, it would have to make significant investment . But if online retailers become more popular, whole investment would be a waste as it will not do any value addition. This conclusion would have been considerably strengthened if it mentioned feasibility of opening new physical stores in the era of online retailers.
In summary, the argument is rather weak and fails to mention clear assumptions and facts The arguments posits several questions for which there is no clear answer. If the argument had mentioned facts behind unwarranted assumptions , the argument would have been ore clear and concise. Without this information, the argument remains unsubstantiated and open to debate.