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Can anyone please rate my essay? Thank you

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Joined: 28 Jun 2018
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Can anyone please rate my essay? Thank you  [#permalink]

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New post 30 Aug 2018, 20:20
The following appeared in a strategy memorandum of an investment company:

“Over the past several years, investment in precious metals, such as gold and silver, has proven to be one of the most profitable investment strategies for our firm. Over the next decade, the demand for these metals is expected to be strong, largely driven by the economic growth of large emerging markets--China, India, and Russia. Thus, our investors are best served by increasing their exposure to precious metals to take advantage of this unique profit-making opportunity.”

The argument under consideration is actually a suggestion or a recommendation made by an investment firm to its investors in its strategy memorandum. The investment firm is of the opinion that investing in precious metals at the time the memorandum was written would make a lot of sense and for the investors, a lot of profit too, as had been the trend since quite a few years prior to when this memorandum was written. The company makes this claim after taking into consideration the market demand of these metals, especially in the Asian giants, India and China, and Russia. There however, are a few discrepancies and a few missing pieces which unless paid heed to would not do a great job at convincing the investors to invest in these metals.

The first apparent discrepancy was the lack of statistical information on the market worth then, on the market demand, the factors that this demand rides on, the pricing structure and much more. If the investment firm makes the claim that demand will increase substantially from the countries mentioned above, it is also necessary to know whether these countries would buy these metals from the countries where the investors are based. It might be the case that India, China and Russia may have imposed heavy duties on imports from that particular country, in which case, the recommendation would backfire. So without delving into these details, the investors may not make the investment in the precious metals that the firm recommended.

What the investment firm has also not taken into consideration is the halting or declining of the economic growth in these countries, which once again would make the opinion flawed. To better suffice this argument, the investment firm should provide a detailed study of the economies of each of these countries, with their growth/ decline trends and the overriding factors that made the firm make this recommendation in the first place.

One other piece of information that is missing here is if other investors too have started investing in these precious metals, and if so, what shall be the possibility of price drop owing to competition among the suppliers. This critical piece of information will help the investors significantly to decide whether they should go ahead with the suggestion of the firm.

Thus, in order for the opinion of the investment firm to not fall short, the firm must work on these flaws, and instead try to provide a detailed picture of the market and the market potential instead of a bird's eye view, which in this case won't work.
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Re: Can anyone please rate my essay? Thank you  [#permalink]

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New post 01 Sep 2018, 03:05

You are close. Keep working on it. The structure should be like:
1st observation
2nd observation
3rd observation
How one can improvise

I would advise you to go through this thread: ... 64327.html

Also, you can evaluate your AWA here:

I hope that helps!


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Re: Can anyone please rate my essay? Thank you &nbs [#permalink] 01 Sep 2018, 03:05
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