First Time Essay -Please Evaluate - Kudos will be Provided

I think 3.5 or 4.0 is about right.

ConnectTheDots already pointed out a lot of ways in which the organization can be improved. I will address the actual analysis.

This analysis identifies a serious flaw in the original argument: the 10% increase in sales cannot be attributed to the Internet advertising. There may be so many reasons for that including random fluctuations. Take 1,000 different companies - at least one of them will surely have a 10% increase in sales during any given year. Obviously, the advertising company is citing its most successful client. We do not know about all the other clients that went bankrupt. It is also possible that the entire furniture sector or the entire economy of the country grew by 12%, but the sales of Furniture Depot only increased by 10% because of its terribly stupid Internet commercials

The analysis also correctly and effectively demonstrates that an increase in sales does not necessarily lead to an increase in profitability, at least not by the same amount. An internet commercial may very well advertise deals (think Living Social, Groupon), not the most profitable products, and thus may even lead to some temporary losses even if the advertising itself costs nothing. However, it may also lead to an increased brand awareness which may lead to profitability in the following years. If I had my own company and I had an internet advertiser that was sure to increase my sales without necessarily increasing my profits, I could still give it a try. Thus, I would say that the interchangeable use of sales and profits is not such a serious flaw. In fact, their ad only claimed that "Furniture Depot's success demonstrates how using our internet services can increase your profitability." Notice the "...demonstrates ... can..." There is no promise of anything, only a demonstration of something that can happen with you - may or may not.

You may want to include another, more significant consideration. Imagine that the success of Furniture Depot was indeed totally attributable to the advertising campaign, and that its profits also increased by 10% for the same reason. Say, you have a restaurant in Connecticut. Would you use this advertising campaign?.. Exactly! They are selling furniture, you are serving food to customers. Just because some furniture store increased their profitability with this campaign does not mean that every business on earth can benefit from it in the same way. Even if we take another furniture company, Furniture Depot-II, located in a different but similar city, of the same size and structure as the original one, it is not guaranteed that this advertising will also help them. After all, we are generalizing from just one case of success, not a proven track record. Once again, we do not know how many furniture companies went bankrupt because of using this advertising agency. (However, the argument never claimed that an increase in sales/profitability is inevitable. It only said that the possibility was demonstrated.)


The analysis would be benefit from a more careful word choice. For example,

"Mention" should be replaced by "state" or "claim". It is only possible to mention something that is already known to be true. Also, I do not think that "extreme" is appropriate in this context. "far-fetched" would be a better choice.


I am not quite sure what is meant by "considering the assumptions", but either "consider" or "assumptions" should be changed to something else in order to make this sentence clear.


Also, at least in one place the analysis is unfair to the original argument and finds in it more flaws than there actually are.


This is just false. The argument never asserts that. The argument implies that internet advertising contributed to the increase in sales.


The analysis also has several illogical sentences that should be reworded to be comprehensible.


Not sure what it means.


What "examples in real life implementations"? What does it mean?


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Pretty good overall. I would suggest rewriting the same essay with the same ideas to improve presentation also making sure to incorporate the advice from ConnectTheDots. Then separately work on getting more ideas so your response will be more insightful. Every time you find a flaw in the argument imagine that the flaw was eliminated and see if it would help. Also watch out for "can" vs. "could" vs. "may" vs. "will". Make sure you distinguish what is said from what is implied.

Good luck!