Jasper1989 wrote:
My TOEFL exam is planned for this saturday. I am still practicing for 2 hours per day.
The Reading and Listening section are relatively easy for me. However, speaking and writing stays difficult as a non-native speaker (I am Dutch BTW). I just wrote a couple of sample essays.
Anyone time to review it? Thanks in advance!!
-------------------------------------------
Independent Writing Task:
Question: Some young children spend a great amount of their time participating in sports. Discuss the advantages and disadvantages of this. Use specific reasons and examples to support your answer.
Respons:
Some children love to sport others do not. Spending a great amount of time participating in sports has both advantages and disadvantages. In my opinion, participating in a sport is good for teenagers and has more positive than negative points. This is due to the fact that participating in sports has social and physical advantages.
To begin with, I believe participating in a sport is very healthy for children and will benefit their phsycial condition. When children participate in a sport they exercise which is good for both the body and the mind. For instance, when I was in high school I was a huge fan of cycle racing and I was training for several hours per day. Because I exercised so much I was able to perform better when I had to do my homework. I could focus better and could extent the time I used doing schoolwork because of my good condition.
Furthermore, participating in a sport has advantages based on social aspects. I would especially recommend children to participate in a team sport. When children participate, for example in a team sport such as hockey or soccer they will able to build friendships with similar children. I played soccer when I was 12 years old and I still meet my soccer friends on a regular base. Therefore, I believe building up friendships will affect overall happiness and therefore will enhance school performance.
However, after describing the advantages, I believe that participating in sports should be subordinate to school work. I believe attaining a diploma is much more valuable than spending all the available time on sports. For instance, when I participated in an exchange program I had a friend who spend all his time on sports (basketball). He was never able to meet when he had free time because he had to train, next to his classes, for 4 hours per day. I guess this was a great disadvantage for him because he could not play with friends. Consequently, he was not able to build friendships.
In sum, I believe participating in a sport has more advantages than disadvantages. Children, who spend time on sports will be healthier and they are likely to have more friends. Hence, I recommend children to spend time on sports.
It is fairly good but redundant and with a lack of fluency in its unfold.
Indeed, you should consider these aspects and write. Eventually, your essay lacks of consistency.
Hope this helps
close
09 Jun 2014, 13:00
