malesc wrote:
Hi guys can you please help reviwin this for the awa section... Thanks!
The following appeared in the health section of a magazine on trends and lifestyles:
“People who use the artificial sweetener aspartame are better off consuming sugar, since aspartame can actually contribute to weight gain rather than weight loss. For example, high levels of aspartame have been shown to trigger a craving for food by depleting the brain of a chemical that registers satiety, or the sense of being full. Furthermore, studies suggest that sugars, if consumed after at least 45 minutes of continuous exercise, actually enhance the body’s ability to burn fat. Consequently, those who drink aspartame-sweetened juices after exercise will also lose this calorie-burning benefit
The argument states it is better to consume sugar than artificial sweetener aspartame because the sweetener contribute to weight gain. Moreover, states that consuming sugar after exercise enhance the body’s ability to burn fat. Finally concludes that people that drink aspartame-sweetener juices after exercise will lose the calorie burning benefit.
Furthermore, there are several assumptions that make the argument flawed. For instance, it states that consuming high levels of the artificial sweetener make people desire to eat more, but it is not clear about what is the exact quantity for causing the cravings for food. Moreover, how many of that quantity is permitted during one day, for example if one person uses all of the sweetener for one coffee probably it would be healthier to use one spoon of sugar that all of the aspartame sweetener.
Likewise, it states that consuming sugar after at least one period of time enhance the body`s ability to burn fat, but it does not specify what king of exercise, it is different running than walking or doing yoga, the amount of calories burn in one sport differ substantially from the others. Moreover, the study where sugar contribute to fat burning could be for high level athletes where the consumption of calories is greater than a person than exercise twice a week.
Additionally, the argument concludes that drinking aspartame juices after exercise will lose the benefit of consuming sugar after 45 minutes of exercise. However, in the magazine article there is no way to know the difference in the aspartame juices and the original aspartame sweetener, therefor the original sweetener could have or not the same benefit as sugar does after exercise.
As a conclusion, the article states that is better to consume sugar than the aspartame sweetener, but on another point of view with the appropriate consumption of the sweetener could be better to eat the aspartame than sugar.
Rating of this essay would be like 3/6
Reason: Many grammatical errors (Some highlighted)
Coherence of thoughts is fine.