B-school and relationships...

Funny you posted that link Kidderek, that BW thread is actually the exact thing that made me start this thread.

Interesting that there are four people already w/ greater than 3 hour relationship commutes. I may end up in a situation like that and if I do I'm not looking forward to making choices like, "Do I go on a spring break w/ my girlfriend and pass up a spring break w/ classmates?" Seems like there will be a lot of decisions where I'll have to balance quality time w/ girlfriend, and seriously getting to know my classmates and really developing a network.

I am single and plan on being single until at the earliest second semester 1st yr in bschool.

Long distance relationships suck and committed relationships in intensive grad school suck as well.

My S. O. is my bank account. It will be in Switzerland and I'll be elsewhere.

Now, seriously, I am in the process of deciding whether to go full throttle or let it fade with a potential significant other I just met very recently. We may end up long distance, together, or nothing at all. We'll see.

Cheers. L.

Yea, I'm in that boat too - there is no question that Grad school + marriage is going to be an interesting and rather incompatible mix. We've already had some tension over random walk - "Why do you need to go?"... "It's a networking opportunity" ... "You'll meet peopel in class...." etc. I've pretty much accepted that I wont be able to do everything I want to do, and I'll have to engage in some form of triage. I'll be a part of TNDCs every week I'm sure, but I probably wont get to do the ski trip or the spring break trips.

On the other hand, if other couples there want to do them too, it seems feasible that we all go as a group. It's funny this comes up though as a few days ago I was talking to a GSB student and when I mentioned I was getting married she suddenly changed : "Oh, well then we wont eb hanging otu much. IT's going to be hard for you." I ask her "How do you mean?" and she replies: "Well, grad school is set up for singles... you are going to miss out on a lot." (By now I was getting angry - I already hate the feeling of maybe missing out on anything - and here is this girl telling me that my grad school experience is basically goign to suck compared to everyone else) ... it went on like that ... "Well, just be careful. Most people cheat on ttheir SO's" bah.

My favorite strip clubs are on the west coast, so in that sense, yes it will be long distance.

I'm guessing that the woman you were speaking with was extrapolating way too much from her individual experience. Just looking at the voting in this thread it looks like plenty of people are showing up with SO's, and I know people in b-school that are married and having a blast with school. One of my friends brings her husband to all her HBS events and he takes advantage of the networking too.

Also, having sat in on many classes at the schools I've applied to, I know b-schools aren't exactly overflowing with beauty queens and abercrombie guy models, so I don't feel like I'm missing out on some awesome two-year orgy.

I mean as awesome as some of these school trips sound, when you go to a school's web page and look at student-posted pictures they'll have like eight people in School X sweatshirts posing in front of the Eiffel Tower and half of them look like Bill Gates with oversized pleated khakis and big white sneakers, not exactly the type of crew I would normally choose for a vacation.

Okay, so my post is getting petty and superficial, but I guess what I'm getting at here is that I'll be disappointed to not make the most out of my networking opportunities by travelling and hanging out with my classmates all the time, but at the end of the day I'd rather chill on a beach in Spain with my girlfriend anyway so it won't be that big of a deal having to work on that balance.

Bill Gates? Somehow his bank account makes him seem that much hotter. I sorta like the cute dorky type anyway. Why do you think I'm so nice to all of you IT and engineering geeks?

The only think I worry about with the relocation is that I am more outgoing than ndhlp is. When we came to Ithaca, he was a grad student, and that was hard sometimes. I wasn't too into his lab-buddies, and it took a while for me to make friends. We're very independent - neither of us is ever too worried about the other one being too busy or something like that. We spend a lot of time with our own friends and lives. On the other hand, I will probably worry about his happiness. The funny thing is that he's just as happy playing his guitar with no one around, so the worry is certainly one-sided.

Rhyme, I do think that Chicago chick is probably a bit off. The stats vary, but about 30% of the students are coupled when they arrive on campus. Yes, some of those relationships certainly fizzle, but that doesn't mean yours will. Marriages crumble all the time, and that has nothing to do with b-school. But we should all be realistic about what's coming. We're going to be super-busy: struggling with classes, working our networks, etc. We need need to keep our partners in mind and be VERY CLEAR about expectations and needs on both sides.

After spending the weekend down at Duke, I saw three different groups of students: singles, couples, and families. I will not be getting hammered on the dance floor and won't be hanging out at the jungle gym. But I will probably overindulge in wine at a potluck at a friend's house. In other words, I think we're firmly in the couples category.

I'm not too worried... I think I'm just overeager to drink from the firehose right now... I imagine that after a few weeks of B-school, I'll be glad to skip some of the social options

You should be fine, since you are staying in the same city. Imagine if you had ended up in the middle of nowhere, with your fiancee bored on a daily basis and then meeting her briefly to tell her "bye, sweetie, I'm going to the section pub crawl (...) Oh, no, I'm sorry, it's for students only". At least she has her friends around.

The nternationals who come with a wife who can't work (visa issues) must have it hard. At least my fiance works all day and has some friends here in Chicago.

Exactly my point. You are way in a better position than average.

Cheers. L.

First off, that is so funny! My situation - My boyfriend definitely will not be relocating with me, since i'm heading off into the boonies (Ithaca) and there are not many job opportunities for someone of his background (Corporate Strategy, he's taking on a project in Europe instead)... it will be incredibly hard, I can only imagine. But throughout the whole MBA application process he's the one who pushed me to stay on top of things, who prepped me for interviews and edited my essays. So really - we're approaching this with a "work hard, play hard" mentality. For three years we've been around eachother all the time and traveled the world together. The next 2 years is where we pay our dues, and lay the foundation for a hopefully very lucrative careers and a solid future together.

Things I think will help - he's an MBA and understands the time commitment and neither of us is the jealous type (well, he isn't... and i try very very hard).

CHA630 - That's kind of the attitude that I'm taking, pay dues for a couple years and then reap the benefits. Best of luck, and congrats on your Cornell admit!

Solo for the first semester and then the better half will seal the overseas transition sometime around mid-December.

Factoring in the I-130, I-4506, Section 213-A, OF-230, G-325, and a dozen other documents really complicates the equation, therefore I can't straightforward answer option #2.

Something relevant:

https://www.businessweek.com/magazine/co ... =rss_magzn

Interesting article in the b-week today:
https://images.businessweek.com/ss/08/02/0214_dating/index_01.htm?chan=rss_topSlideShows_ssi_5

My question is more about the married folks? How much time do you guys spend networking/drinking away from your SO? Any tips on how to manage expectations with wifey and any advice in general?

Geez...sounds like a "Dear Anne..." posts!!!

Dosa, merged your post with a related older thread.